Ex-boyfriend accuses me of ignoring his messages then asks me to never talk to him again

[mirelamire]

Hello! I've been on a long distance relationship with this guy for 4 months and we started out as friends. It was simply perfect and we would spend hours talking about around every single thing. Actually, he is one of the very few people to actually listen to my rants and I did the same in return. At first, I didn't like him romantically. At all. I even got scared when he admitted having feelings for me and I considered breaking up the ties with him but he clarified everything by telling me it's rather a friendship feeling.

 

Only after we've seen eachother on Skype did I start nurturing strong feelings for him. He was very passionate on his statements and in the end told me he loved me. My feelings him grew on a slower pace but they did anyway.

 

We had fights, he absolutely hated that I talked to other men whereas I was okay with him talking to other women. I just trust him. It all broke loose when I told him by mistake I had been talking to another man during the early stage of our...thing(but way before we admitted our feelings) considering that I had told him I wasn t talking to anyone else. I explained the misunderstanding(that I only talked to that guy for work purpose - I am a translator and he is a native in the language i am working with), but he wouldn't hear a word. He started telling me very hurtful things, that he had met another girl online way before he met me and that she never lied to him. Also told me he could go to a lot of countries and have women to show him around(I know it s BS tho).

 

Anyway, after a while he became calmer but colder towards me, would not answer as fast as before etc(mind you, I did apologise many times). I tried to fix things up. On his b-day I made him a short vid of myself wishing him the best etc etc and he loved it. But hours later he returned to his cold ways.

 

Every time I saw him online on Whatsapp and on facebook and not talk to me I would think about how he talks to that other girl(I was never jealous, it's not in my character). He had told me many times to take things slow this time but everytime I would complain about his cold behaviour(while I could understand the lack of intimacy, I could not understand why he wasn't talking as we did when we met) and he would tell me "But we are talking, you are making drama!".

 

One day I couldn't bear it anymore and I told him that I would have wanted to meet that girl he bragged about. A few hours later he sent me a long message telling me that while he still feels something for me, we have to wait for better Times and see what happens. He even said he would be happy if I found someone else. I took it as a break up message, was devastated and never replied to him.

BUT

After only 2 days he texts me saying: "Fine. So be it. I don t wanna hear about your attempts of fixing things. I will ignore you as well from now on. stop writing to me." I was a bit taken aback but I already knew he is usually dramatic so I answered him calmly that I told him everything I had to tell him on a calm tone,that I can't do "just friends", and if he wants more, fine, but if not, bye. He saw the message and didn't reply.

Is he giving me the no contact treatment as well? What should I do?

[becksy]

Be grateful and move on. I know that sounds very, very harsh, but this man is trouble with a capital "T." He sounds like a narcissist, at best. Please, move on.

[Helpmesavethis]

He's being immature to say the least. Block him and move on....

[Starlight925]

Have you even met this guy in person? Or is this completely online?

[Tanzi]

He sounds extremely immature. All this only four months in does not bode well for a future relationship. I am assuming you haven't met this guy yet. This sounds like too much hard work already for someone you don't even know. I honestly think this is a waste of your time. Move on and in future don't invest emotionally until you have met someone and have really got to know them because only then can you establish how you really feel about them and whether or not it's worth investing in.

[mirelamire]

Have you even met this guy in person? Or is this completely online?

I had a scholarship in his country and I met him there, that's where we exchanged skype IDs and all.

[MissCanuck]

He sounds emotionally unstable and immature. Forget him. It's not going anywhere good.

 

How much time did you actually spend together in person before this went long-distance?

[No1]

This is a power play move. He wants you to feel bad or guilty and then reach out to him. If you do, it means you care and he will play another game.

 

If you like that stuff, then reply. If you don't, then don't.

[mirelamire]

UPDATE

I mantained the NC rule and this morning I got 8 messages from him on whatsapp, where he told me he loved me and that he only wanted to see me happy and that he'll be there for me. I opened the messages 4 hours later but didn't reply. He saw the "seen" mark and wrote me "...ok. So be it.".

Double standards much.. When I would write him he would have seen my message then answer hours later.

[MissCanuck]

Dude is not all there.

 

You will one day be grateful he pulled the plug.

[Waraqqa]

I can understand that he had/s strong feelings, but he didn't seem to know how to handle them. Try not to judge him or be angry at him - sometimes people are simply not capable of handling it any better than they do at the moment. However, for yourself you likely made the right decision, otherwise it would be running around and constantly reassuring him or else being "punished" by a cold shoulder.

 

I also find it quite strange how the fall-out started - he was jealous of you *talking* to other men?? Are you not allowed to?? Everyone is different, but this is a super unusual and extreme understanding of monogamy. Personally, I allow myself not only to talk but even to date other men (socially, meeting for coffee and whatever) until and unless the relationship becomes official and exclusive. But even after that, talking to other people is normal. I mean, it is just talking!! I have a lot of male friends, and I don't think I'd be comfortable cutting all ties with them by getting involved with someone else, or not being able to simply *talk* with another male person for the rest of my life. That sounds rather extreme to me. If that's how it would be in your relationship, then you did the right thing by not being with him.