Should I tell new girl of the ex?

[frogman]

I've posted my story a few times here before. Basically, I dated my ex for a long time and we broke up over a year ago after I was somewhat neglectful when we went long distance. I did my best to earn her back, but she said she was too hurt by the breakup and me not being there for her at the end. Even though she didn't think it was over between us, she couldn't regain her trust in me until she moved here.

 

So now I've met this new girl. I'm extremely picky, so this is the first girl I've "clicked with" aside from my ex in well over a year. We're having a great time together and I feel like things are beginning to get a little serious.

 

Problem is, I still talk to my ex every week or so. We've seen each other a few times in the last couple months and have talked about the possibility of us getting back together when she moves here in six months. Still, we're both concerned over the hurt we've caused each other, so it's no sure thing.

 

Do I have a responsibility to tell the new woman? I know that would only breed insecurity in her and I'm not really sure what I'm feeling about my ex right now. I'd really rather have something new and fresh, but I'd be lying if the ex isn't somewhere lurking in the back of my mind.

[Beec]

Don't tell her, but if she asks, you can tell her you "talk" to her. Be vague in all your answers.

 

Face it, if the new woman really floats your boat, you won't want to go back to the ex in six months. If she doesn't, then maybe you will. Time will tell.

[chai714]

No, you don't have any responsibility of telling the new woman about your relations with your ex. If she asks, be honest that you still talk to her and are friends, but no need to disclose details or your intentions. Telling her WOULDN'T breed any new insecurities that aren't already there (if she is insecure), so no need to worry about that one either.

 

I've been in a similar situation as you very recently, and I never told the girl about my ex. Why? Because it had no effect on our relations, but I was prepared to be honest if she asked about her. Note that there is a difference between being honest, and giving too much information.

[frogman]

But if I don't tell her, we're still dating in six months, and my ex and I decide to give it another go-- wouldn't that be unfair to hurt the girl I'm with now without giving her a fair warning of the possibility (even if slim) before feelings get too serious? Or unfair to let her know that I still have lingering feelings for someone else?

[Beec]

But if I don't tell her, we're still dating in six months, and my ex and I decide to give it another go-- wouldn't that be unfair to hurt the girl I'm with now without giving her a fair warning of the possibility (even if slim) before feelings get too serious? Or unfair to let her know that I still have lingering feelings for someone else?

 

You could dump her in six months for a myriad of reasons. You need to figure out if she is for you or not. If she is for you, then why would you prefer the ex over her in that time? Simple answer is you wouldn't. If you prefer the ex, she is not for you long-term.

[RayKay]

But if I don't tell her, we're still dating in six months, and my ex and I decide to give it another go-- wouldn't that be unfair to hurt the girl I'm with now without giving her a fair warning of the possibility (even if slim) before feelings get too serious? Or unfair to let her know that I still have lingering feelings for someone else?

 

Honestly I think if you are this unsure about proceeding with things or what to do because of your ex, you should reconsider whether you should be going into this relationship in the first place. I don't think going into a relationship thinking "what if the ex and I get back together" is the way to go, and will not allow you to allow this NEW relationship to grow - you are almost blocking things before they start.

 

No you don't have to tell her about the ex in terms of "talking about reuniting" but I do not think hiding her is a wise idea either. I think if she asks, you should tell her you keep in contact, thought not about lingering feelings - and honestly I really think you should proceed with this relationship with mindset the one with the ex IS over. Otherwise you really are not giving it a fair chance. If in 6 months it turns out you two did not work out, then you can talk with ex about reuniting, but don't go into this with an idea that "in 6 months we might break up so I can go back to ex". If this girl is right for you and you work together, you don't need to worry about 6 months time.