Torn between wanting him back and moving on

[Andl]

I started taking to this amazing guy in July over the phone but we never met in person before. I'm 20 (f) and he is 22(m). Live only 2 hours away from each other. He gave me an ultimatum that if I don't show up he'll never speak to me again. The plan was to sleep over at his house, meet his family and stay there for about a week. So I went and everythig went fine. We had sex, talked, met his dad loves me, even said 'I really like you, you have qualities in you I haven't seen in one of his exes' ... fine up until he went through my phone and saw a text where a guy said I miss you and I said I missed him too. Honestly I didn't think that was cheating at all because I am just a naive person in general. I saw how badly he was hurt and my heart broke for him, that's when I realized I ed up. The rest of the night he was cold, saying things like 'the right one wouldnt do this to me' and that he's done with me. I should leave the next morning first thing. I tried begging and pleading because he just gave up so quickly. Suddenly everything I did right up until now is irrelevant because of one mistake.

 

I promised myself I won't cry in front of him. The rest of the night we kept clashing and arguing. I was nothing but nice the entire night but hewants nothing to do with me. He has been cheated on in the past so he already had trust issues to begin with. I said that I'd block everyone right in front of him and that it won't happen again but he refused to budge.

 

I was so hurt by his treatment. The night went from amazing to a massive up within a few hours. The next morning I drove home and decided to give him space. He never asked me if I got home safely. I felt used because he took my virginity then treated me like I'm worthless.

 

Two days later he posted a picture on his facebook with his ex girlfriend (the same one that cheated on him) with the caption 'when you love someone this much you hust can't let go forever.

 

A few hours later he deleted it. It felt like he ripped my heart out of my chest. He said he loved me, he can forgive her for sleeping with another man but not a text message I sent.

 

Later on he called me. I didn't answer but that sunday I missed him so much and I just wanted to hear his voice but he was expecting me to beg and plead again, I didn't bring up the fight at all or beg him, pretended that I'm happy. He said nice things like 'im proud of you' when I mentioned my distinction at univerity and we talked for a few minutes, he talked most of the time. We seemed fine.

 

After that we havent spoke but I was out one night and my phone died so my best friend contacted him freaking out because she was scared I was hurt. He told her 'she should just on with her life' and then 'I want nothig to do with you or her' then blocked ME. Why???? I haven't bugged him or spoken to him in weeks and why would he pretend that we're fine but then say nasty things like that to my friend. It hurt so badly when she told me. I thought if i give him soace he'll calm down and we can try again but it seems he wants nothing to do with me. I'm not going to seem desperate and ask him why he blocked me at all. I'm torn between moving on with my life and wanting him so badly. I know I hurt him but I would do anything for this guy.. it's stupid but I geniunly feel like we could be amazing, I'll make it up to him until he can trust me again. Now I feel like the entire month we spoke on the phone before that was fake and he never meant a word. Should I just move on?

[Hazelnut33]

I think you should move on. He went through your phone. This is just the beginning and he needed to look through your phone. In my experience that is a red flag and an indicator of bad things to come. I think it shows that he is pathologically unable to trust (you won't ever be able to convince him that you're worthy of being trusted - this would always be an issue) and that he is controlling. You have a right to your own psychic space and relationships with people that you care about. You didn't do anything wrong - and blocking everyone you know wouldn't have been enough. There are so many guys out there. Don't settle for someone that doesn't trust you and support you and love you because you're so caring. You didn't want to hurt someone's feelings that you care about. That's kind. You didn't do anything wrong.

[DanZee]

I'm afraid to tell you, but this guy doesn't feel anything for you. Once he took your virginity, he looked through your phone for an excuse to dump you. Some guys do this as a game. The fact that he said he wasn't going to speak to you if you didn't come and stay with him was your clue that this guy was a jerk.

 

I'm sorry it happened to you. I wish your first experience had been with someone who loved you. But do not have anything further to do with this guy. If you do, you will just be abusing yourself.

[Honeycomb8]

You really rushed it. You met him last month, and in the space of a few days after meeting him in person you slept with him?

He's a stranger.

He doesn't love you.

Probably not the best idea to have the first date or dates be staying over at his house.

 

Learn from this and slow down with the sexual stuff.

[thorough]

Seems extremely dysfunctional to me, you have been talking for a month or 2, you haven't met before and you got into a huge argument. Bad start for a good relationship.

[seanryder]

From what you've written this is a no-brainer!

 

Get away from him asap and block/delete him.

 

Also just to give you some advice for the future.....being in contact or being friends with exes, generally causes problems in future relationships 99.99% of the time.

[Giblesp]

'Gave me an ultimatum,' 'Went through my phone.'

 

Thats as far as I got. He has the makings of a jealous, control freak. A woman who did these two things to me would have to go as I know form experience where it leads. I'd really recommend moving on.