I am such an idiot...

[broken hearted]

Hi,

I don't really need advice would desperately need some support because I feel so alone in this. I have been seeing someone on and off for 3 years. I love him and would have loved to shared my life with him. But it has been a stressful 3 years. We would date for a couple of months then out of nowhere boom...silence. He wouldn't answer texts or calls. He would just blank me for no reason. Then after a couple of months either I or him would get back in touch and we would get back together. This happens about 5 times during the 3 year relationship. Every time I asked him why he had decided to just disappear he would say that he got scared of the relationship and he was scared of commitment. I used to believe and forgive him but it happened too many times.

Also he never told his kids about me and I never met his family. I would ask why and he would say that he didn't want to 'rock the boat' with his kids and that he didn't like change. We never spent Christmas together, or new year or valentines day. I know anyone reading this will think...why on earth did she stay with him?? I know...I was an idiot. I kept hoping he would change or a miracle would happen and he would wake up one day and suddenly want me in his life. I was so stupid.

Anyway he disappeared again at the beginning of June. He got back in touch with me a couple of weeks ago. I was over the moon. He asked if he could come round one night to talk and I agreed. Well he came round last Saturday and it felt like my miracle had happened. He swore on his kids lives that he loved me. He told me that no one got him like I did and that no one else compared. I told him that I couldn't go back to how the relationship was and that I needed some sort of stability. I said it tore me apart that he blanked me for no reason and that he couldn't do that to me again. He said that he didn't know what to do but he was terrified of never seeing me again. On the basis of what he was telling me, we spent the night together.

But the next day he told me that he didn't want to get back with me after all. I was so upset and I felt used. I asked him if we could talk about it and he said he would see me this weekend. We text each other over the next two days, nothing heavy in fact we were joking with each other. But then boom....silence. I haven't heard from him. I text him the day before he was due to come to my house but there was no reply. And now there is silence.... I feel so stupid and humiliated. I know what advice to give myself... move on and if he ever contacts again give him his own medicine and ignore him. I guess I posted on here to hopefully get some support because I cant talk to friends about this. They are so fed up with the situation and I don't blame them. I am such an idiot.

[Random Person]

Hi!

 

No, you're not an idiot, you just have loved this person but he didn't. It's his loss not yours. And there's nothing wrong with loving someone. And, apparently, you started to realize what's going on. Don't tell yourself "yea I do but it's too late" Late is better than never.

 

So, now, you MUST delete this person for your OWN GOOD and never ever let him do the same thing to you. I know it might be hard when he calls you and talks you with lovely tone but you must understand it, the honey-tasted words are poison for you in long term. Maybe you're missing your real chance with love, with letting him doing this to you. He either has another relationship and hides you or he doesn't know what he wants or maybe he has just physical desire towards you. In any case, I'm sorry to say but you can't get what you want, a proper relationship.

 

I know you don't want advice but I just can't help it, just please delete this person, block him in everywhere and don't let him come close to you. And, try to spend time with your family, friends(nice ones), find something and make yourself busy. In this way, you'll have less time to think about this person. Watch tv series but NEVER ever watch emotional, romantic movies/series. Listen only cheerful music and don't listen songs even slightly related to love. You can go for tracking with a trusted group, going movie with friends etc. But please try to be with someone. When you're alone, you'll have more time to think and that wouldn't help.

 

I just wish you the best and happiness.

[broken hearted]

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate the support and advice. And you are so right regardless of his situation, he needs deleting from my life once and for all. I have started doing new things in my life, going to the gym more, starting new college course etc Thank you for your kind words x

[SherrySher]

You need to stop fooling yourself. In your heart of hearts you know that this man is lying to you and is using you, you want to believe that it's not true and that he is only broken but can change and can be fixed...it's not going to happen.

You will keep running back thinking this time it will be different and you will keep getting more disappointment and pain.

No one can stop this cycle now but you.

No doubt your friends are sick of it, they know better, you know better and yet you keep trying to beat a dead horse.

 

I know it's painful and I know you so desperately want him to love you, but it's just not going to happen.

Only you can protect your heart now, only you can say enough is enough and shut that door for good.

I hope you feel you're valuable enough now to stop letting this made up fantasy continue to hurt you and I hope you find the strength now to tell him once and for all, NO and never let him near you again.

[SherrySher]

I also hope you realize that you teach people how to respect you. You have taught this man that he can use and toss you and that you will take it and let him do it again whenever he pleases.

 

It's why he treats you so badly, he knows he doesn't have to give you anymore and you will take it.

 

Teach him a new lesson, that you are worth more than what he is offering and you won't let him treat you like disposable garbage. HE is the one not worth it.

 

Someone else out there will be better to you, but you need to shut this door now once and for all to open new doors.

[broken hearted]

Everything that you have said is true, I have been fooling myself. Although I am hurt by his coldness I think I am more cross with myself. I do know better. I use to date this man when I was a teenager and then I bumped into him many years later. I have been deluding myself with romance notions. I have taught him to treat me with no respect, you are right. Thank you x