I know i'm being foolish

[quark]

..but I don't know how to proceed. So, I recently broke off my 6 1/2 year relationship (engaged as well). Long story short, we had problems that were never addressed, it became loveless and remained that way for several years. So, in reality, even though we just recently split, the relationship has been dead and over in my mind for quite some time. While I was still together with him I had developed a little bit of a crush on someone at work. I have been feeling attracted to this person since February of this year. As of late, I feel like our flirtation has intensified (though to be honest I'm not entirely he sure feels the same). At the very least, we've been spending time after work hours bullsh*ting a lot, then leaving together and walking to our cars, what have you. One night his car was closer and he offered to drive me to mine. (I declined because I'm a nervous spaz) There are plenty of other things that have happened that make me feel like he is making moves closer to me,.. maybe.

 

I guess I'm asking for someone to slap me in the face and tell me to slow it down. Or for someone to tell me it's okay and just see where it goes? I guess I'll keep reciprocating the flirtation but I don't think I'll be so bold as to ask to get together outside of work. I don't want to seem like I'm rebounding, or that I jump from one relationship to the next right away. Ugh. I just like being around him, though.

[thealchemist]

If you feel like you are ready for a relationship then I think you should go for it. No one can tell you if you are ready. Time alone isn't a very good indicator. If you know you are totally over your last relationship then why not?

[Ziggy123]

It's not a rebound. Since you were the one who ended it you are probably already over it and ready to date again.

[AtitAgain]

What type of job do you have? Usually it is not wise to "crap where you eat". But then again... there have been times where it works... tread carefully and take into consideration how this might affect your career.

[j.man]

Personally, my concern isn't whether you're rebounding or not. It's that, after 6.5 years of being in a relationship, you seemingly can't be bothered to be single for a bit, which in all likelihood probably accounts for why you'd lovelessly remain with someone for years. Personally, I think you should prove to yourself you can be happy single before jumping back into the pool.

 

And to throw in with the above, workplace dating is known for its own propensity to complicate.

[quark]

Thanks all for your input. It's funny..it's not like I necessarily want to shack up with this guy either. I just kinda want to hang out and get to know him. But at the same time if he were to date around I'd be upset but then I feel like, no, I'm not ready to be in another relationship right away. I don't know what the hell...hence the post.

 

I know it sounds ridiculous that I'd spend literally years with someone living unhappily most of the time, but something always came up to stop the inevitable break up whether it be an upcoming vacation..or a really good talk to have me hang on a bit longer .. or even a proposal. Yes..I do believe he did that to try to keep me, knowing that I wasn't necessarily happy. I'm the dodo that said yes, so whatever ..

 

Oh..and as far as the work situation. It's the restaurant industry, which literally has a reputation for being completely crazy and unprofessional. He is currently my boss, hah Besides.. I think he will most likely transfer to a different location anyway. Or shoot..maybe I will. I've just been given an opportunity to advance which might have me move, too..

[HeartGoesOn]

An important point to ponder (imo) is, would you have left your recent relationship had you not developed a "crush" on someone at work?

 

Answering that one question may be the key to looking at this in a different light.

[quark]

Yes. However, this whole crush thing just expedited the process. Have been having legit thoughts of "can I deal with this?" and "Are we compatible?" way longer than I've been attracted to this other person.