Am I settling?

[aroswl]

I will try and make this as short as possible. I also apologize for TMI. I'm 26 and he is 34. Been on & off for years. We get along well and have a bunch in common. Longest we have dated in one time..prob 5 months. Things start out well...then month or so go by...I feel like I deserve more. I wonder if im settling or this is it. Am I wrong to want more out of a relationship? Very set in his ways. It's hard to have a healthy life with him, as he eats fast food 1-2x daily. He won't face possible fears with me. Obsessed with his electronics; huge gamer. Bedroom has become boring..we only ever have sex...nothing more to that. Never surprises me by coming out to see me. I always drive to see him. My problem is..I always go back and forth in my mind when him and I are together. Do I deserve more? Or is this it?

 

 

Also, I have mentioned the health thing numerous times. He doesnt want to cook cause thats his actual job. He's EXTREMELY picky with food. Wont try new foods with me. He says he doesnt come out to see because I never ask him to. Why cant he just surprise and say, "hey get fancy. We're going to dinner." And the sex thing hasnt changed in 8 years. Am I wrong to want that? He does love me and we have talked about marriage.

 

Thoughts?

[RainyCoast]

does it matter whether you're "wrong or right" to want or not want something, at the end of the day?

 

if the fact of the matter is you are chronically finding yourself unable to appreciate and enjoy this person, then you need to ask yourself why you chronically keep choosing them.

 

what happens with you when you two are "off"? how's the rest of your life? what area of it, apart from him, do you struggle most with?

[Starlight925]

It sounds to me, rather than calling it "settling", that you two are just not on the same page, and you are looking for someone with different qualities than this guy.

 

FWIW, I hate the word "settling", because it implies "better than". No one, in my mind, is better than anyone else. They simply do not align with what we are looking for.

 

Just my personal opinion, but no, it would not work for me for a guy to never initiate coming to see me. For him to say that you need to ask him to come over sounds incredibly lazy on his part. A relationship in 2017 should be very 50/50. He initiates and drives over to pick you up, and other times, you initiate and plan a date. It sounds like you are doing 90% of the planning, and the driving, and that wouldn't work for most, whether it's the girl or the guy.

[ThatwasThen]

Been on & off for years.

When you are on and off with someone, it is natures way of telling you that when you're 'on' you're 'on' with the wrong person.

 

Find someone that you can keep it together with. Going zero contact with this wrong person will get you unaddicted to him. He is your drug of choice ~ called "bad-boyfriend." You stagnate yourself in your codependency from finding someone decent for yourself.

[catfeeder]

We each can only speak for ourselves. There's no way that I'd be satisfied with 'that' for a BF, no matter how lovable he is.

 

Someone doesn't need to be a villain in order to be the wrong match.