The story of me and my husband - life long commitment

[Starlight925]

He used to lie a lot .

 

What did he lie about? How do you know he's not lying anymore?

 

If you're living paycheck to paycheck, then the pot IS helping to cause your financial problems. Do you not see the link?

 

Rent, food, gas, electricity....these are necessities. Medication, doctor's visits, basic clothing....again, necessities. Pot: not a necessity.

[vesper]

What did he lie about? How do you know he's not lying anymore?

 

He used to lie and go behind my back and hang out with his buddies and go to strip clubs. He just would tell me he was working late.

[catfeeder]

No, That is not the issue. I just wonder about why he does it everyday.

 

What does he say when you ask him? He likely uses it for same reasons anybody else uses it. It 'works' for him. Some people are energized by pot, and others are relaxed by it.

 

A bunch of strangers debating their own definitions of addiction isn't useful to you. Decide whether or not YOU have a problem with his pot use, and why. That's your private starting point for a discussion that avoids the accusatory: "Some Internet strangers say that YOU have a pot problem..." which will get you nowhere, as opposed to a clear discussion about why "I" have a problem with your pot use.

 

If your reasons for raising this as an issue aren't compelling enough, he may or may not be interested in helping you to resolve YOUR problem with his use. But if you can specify what, exactly, bothers YOU about the pot, then you can raise a discussion about WHY you'd appreciate it if he'd consider discontinuing use for X period (that you specify) in order to accomplish ____ (what)?

 

Pot is not considered an addictive drug, which explains relaxed laws about it--as opposed to perfectly legal substances that have ruined lives, like alcohol or prescription drugs. So decide where you stand on this and why. If it would be helpful to bounce your position off of us, please feel free to do so. Otherwise, you're just going 'around' any issues you have that anyone, including husband, might be able to help you with.

 

Head high, and we're here if you can tell us how we can be useful.

[ThatwasThen]

No, That is not the issue. I just wonder about why he does it everyday.

 

Why do you care if he does it everyday? How is it detrimentally affecting you?

[vesper]

What does he say when you ask him? He likely uses it for same reasons anybody else uses it. It 'works' for him. Some people are energized by pot, and others are relaxed by it.

 

 

He says it relaxes him and takes the edge off. I was determined to never touch pot my whole life and then I noticed that he was using it everyday. After watching him for 2 years I decided to 'help' him by doing it myself to see what the fuss was all about so I could understand where he is coming from. It messed me up badly at first but I kind of got used to it but I can't imagine needing to do it everyday. He just gets a bit grumpy and temperamental when he has'nt done it.

[vesper]

Why do you care if he does it everyday? How is it detrimentally affecting you?

 

It doesn't effect me, just the smell of it I guess.

[vesper]

It doesn't effect me, just the smell of it I guess.

and just the heat of it. When I get home I want a cold water from the fridge not putting smoke and fire in my mouth. Does any of that make sense to people?

[ThatwasThen]

and just the heat of it. When I get home I want a cold water from the fridge not putting smoke and fire in my mouth. Does any of that make sense to people?

That's what you want, it's not what he wants. Is your issue that you're unable to control him?

[catfeeder]

and just the heat of it. When I get home I want a cold water from the fridge not putting smoke and fire in my mouth. Does any of that make sense to people?

 

Nobody's suggesting that you need to smoke it, too. Maybe ask him if he'd consider smoking it outside or in a part of the home that you don't frequent too often so that the smell doesn't impact you as soon as you get home from work. Ask if he'd mind brushing his teeth before kissing you after he's smoked.

 

There are ways to minimize impacts on you, so identify those and negotiate ways around them. Offer to trade something he'd like from you in exchange for making small changes that would be helpful to you.

[vesper]

That's what you want, it's not what he wants. Is your issue that you're unable to control him?

 

Yes, I guess there is a bit of trying to control him. But I understand now how I should probably just back off and ask him to do it somewhere seperate in the house.

 

I am very happy in my marriage, everything is going really well. He's a keeper.