Ex Girlfriend and Anti Depressants

[simon_uk]

Hi

 

I posted my story a couple of weeks ago, basically me girlfriend suggested we have a break but that turned into a complete split. Basically I was selfish and didnt make a commitment as soon as she wanted.

 

I have been thinking about things recently and this girl has got issues. She is on anti depressants for a start so would often be very insecure, had low self esteem which she blamed me for. has a best friend who treats her like ****, even trying to get her jealous over me. Her mum kicked her out when she was 15 because of a new man in her life. She drinks to the point where she doesnt know who I am. Her sister is a schizophrenic and in the last year she has been out with her twice. The first time she got arrested because her sister was f fighting and the secind time her sister battered her. She is on the AD's because of her bad marriage and other things and has been on the sick for the twoo years I have been with her. She works in a seedy environment as and when she wants, which isnt often and stays in bed until lunch time. Yes she has major issues, but underneath all that she is an absolute angel and I love her so much. I think I was the most stable person in her life so why am I not good enough? Why has she left me????/ I am so confused, I was her everything and now I am gone. She said before we split that I was her best friend and she would always be in my life. So why hasnt she contacted me to see how her best friend is doing? She always assumed I was going to leave her and begged me not too, she just wanted so much love that I couldnt give. Even her mum said the same thing to me. She regrets kicking her out over a man and she does love her but she cant love her the way she wants she just wants toooo much.

 

Any help please? I feel like such a loser. i though things got better after a while but I am getting worse. Its been three weeks now. Should I write to her and tell her how much she means to me? If she thought I was never there or didnt care isnt NC confirming this?

 

Simon

[DN]

Before I agree that you were selfish about not making a commitment it would help to know how long you were together before she wanted a commitment and if she made any effort to resolve her many problems.

 

The fact that she has these major issues would have caused you a lot of grief and unless she was willing to do something to resolve them, I doubt you would have had a successful relationship. If she gets herself under control and contacts you then you should decide then what you want to do. Until then I think you should maintain no contact.

[simon_uk]

Hi thanks for the reply. We were together almost two years but she lives 30 miles from me and works there too, when she works. Like I said she has no intention of getting a real job so if I moved her into my place she wouldnt be able to get to work as she cant drive. Why cant she see that though I didnt see her as often as she would have liked, I have a real job and am real tired when I get home, driving 30 miles t her and back takes its toll seeing as work is 30 miles each way too! Am I just stupid for wanting her back or what?

[DN]

I would not say 'stupid' - it would be rude. Let me just say 'unwise'.

[simon_uk]

Thanks I have just been reading about Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of symptoms seem to fit? Could be doing her an injustice though?

[DN]

Whatever the cause of her problems it is unlikely you will be able to solve them. My best advice is to steer clear before you get badly hurt.

[simon_uk]

yeah but I already am badly hurt

 

thanks

[DN]

I know and believe me I feel for you. You have my sympathy in what must be a horrible situation. But sometimes there is no way to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves - and I think she does not.

[heloladies21]

Well slim jim, here's the deal. You were being emotionally abused by your ex and discarded when she got tired of you. If you want to do what's best for you, continue No Contact till you get over her and are able to find someone new. In the mean time, flirt with some girls, go to the gym, get some new threads.

 

Don't you think you deserve to show yourself some love after all you've been through? You definitely weren't getting any love from her.