Need some advice

[michkath]

I'm 25 female

Looking for abit of advice my guy broke up with me on Sunday and I haven't slept or eaten since. Have been in such a mess and last few days I kept texting him saying how much I love him. He did say it's taken me to break up with you to sort things out and the constant text messages from you is doing my head in & its making my decisions to end things stick more & more. So I really have stopped the texting now. Just it's been hard as I'm sure anyone in my shoes would of done the same.

 

I have sent him a gift to a meal at a really nice posh restaurant he told me not to spend any money on him but I wanted to treat him as his treated me. I have also written a letter and am buying us a night away and was going to post it. Not now though was thinking a weeks time or something so it's given him space. What do you think to that idea?

 

I really don't want to loose him his been a rock to me. He said his broken up with me because of work though is stressing him out & he loves me but it's made us less close. We've been together 6 months but we adore eachother. We never argue or anything. The last month hasn't been great because his been so down with work when he comes to mine also I missed 2 of his family events ( same weekend ) christening & birthday party I was so gutted but I was so sick. Embarrassing I know but suffer from

Heavy periods. I messaged his mum and apologised I couldn't make her birthday and she removed me from Facebook I believe maybe she just doesn't want to get involved which is fair enough or my fella told her to remove me. I know it's bad but Iv only met her once in 6 months when I saw her I wasn't bad it seemed to get worse & worse. We kept in touch over fb as she saw I was in a state about them and I sent her some cupcakes.

I'm so upset about it and ripping my hair so much. I wouldn't do it on purpose.

It's got in the way on a few occasions like my friends wedding I couldn't attend I was gutted.

Monday I ran to the doctors in a state demanding they help me with it and they put me on the pill. I text him saying I should hopefully have that issue sorted now. And he said I'm glad your getting it sorted Iv been telling you for ages. He also said you've shown me so much emotion in the last 12 hours then you have in 6 months I knew you had it in there though. I always told him I loved him but serious chats I would laugh off. Iv been single for 4 years due to issues and travelling. Iv been treated soo badly it takes me some time to come out my shell. Iv never felt this way about a guy before. I can't believe how much I love him! And I know he loves me as he said he doesn't want me to block his number but he wants me to leave him alone and give him space. However I have blocked him on all my social media accounts as it was too hard for me to see he had deleted our pictures.

I'm so scared that his going to forget me and find a stunning girl!

 

 

Please help.

[DancingFool]

If you truly want so much as a hope of getting back together with him at some point in the future, you need to RESPECT what he is telling you - stop contacting him, stop buying things, stop sending him stuff, don't even consider any getaways a couple weeks from now. Leave him alone for real.

 

As for the whole thing about gosh he will just forget me if I'm not in his face all the time....are you serious? Do you honestly think he is mentally deficient somehow? Come on now, you know better. Back off, way off. Give it at least a couple of months of silence and then maybe see if he is willing to talk to you or not. He might or he might not.

 

Meanwhile, work on yourself and whatever issues you have. That's where all your focus and energy should be going. You need to show that you are capable of change and have done something about your issues for real, for yourself and not just as a ploy to get him back. Once you do that, he might reconsider....then again he might not OR you might not even want him back yourself. There is always that possibility too. With time, distance and a change attitude of your own, you might see him in a different light and decide you can do better.

[michkath]

I have just got a text from him 12.00am

Saying ' look I just wanted to say I'm sorry '

 

I red it and just ignored it as I didn't want to bombard with texts also I don't know what sort of sorry it is

[mintcupcake]

If I were you I'd stay well away.

Whatever excuse he has padded "I don't want to be with you" with - is just that. Listen to the core of it; I don't want to be with you.

That's how things are right now. They could change, it might not.

 

No more cupcake sending

No more begging/pleading

No more planning to buy him gifts etc.

 

You're not together anymore and, as hard as it may be, that's how you need to act.

It's good that you blocked him on social media. Keep him blocked.

It's a bit strange he deleted your photos together straight away, and also rather hurtful, but if you read into minute details like that, you'll drive yourself nuts.

 

Focus on yourself, for yourself. Get yourself to a good place mentally. Try to get on top of your health. Then let things fall into place. 6 months from now you could be together. Or you could be with someone new and sat wondering, why on earth did I care that he might meet someone else? Look at what I've got!

 

He won't forget you with distance. Whether he moves on or not is an uncertainty, but he definitely will not forget about you. Time and distance are great healers. If people ask for space, give it to them.

[michkath]

When he ended it Sunday night I went abit mad which I'm sure anyone would do with calling and texting and I wrote saying I love you so much under one of our image on Instagram. So perhaps that is why he deleted everything. I know I was in the wrong for doing that but when they end it like anyone would do they would try.

 

I have given him some Space and have not contacted him after he text at 12am last night saying ' look I just want to say I'm sorry ' as I don't know what that means plus I thought best to give him space.

 

Iv red up sending a letter would be cute once you have given them lots of space.

 

We never ever argue we get on so well. it's such a waste to throw this away I hope we can sort things out.

 

Thanks

[mintcupcake]

I don't blame you for being like that - I think most people have been there in different variants. I'm sure your ex wouldn't completely write you off for that, either - it'd be more worrying if you had been 100% calm.

 

I personally wouldn't send a letter, or contemplate it for now, unless you think you have something sincere to apologise about (and it doesn't look like you do, he's already aware about your doctors appointment etc). He is more than aware of how you feel..He's sent you an ambiguous sorry text and the issue is, you could read into it, think he's apologising in hopes of getting back together, get your hopes up and it could just be words. If you keep your distance, he could end up contacting you with something more promising. Or he might not. But if he does want you back, he won't just give up because you didn't reply to a "sorry" text.

 

If it is going to happen, he will only come around to the same thinking as you after some deep reflection and being apart. If it's true that he still loves you, distance won't make him forget about you.

[michkath]

Thank you for the advice I appreciate it.

 

 

Think because it was only Sunday it's so fresh in my head.

I don't want to loose him over my lady issues or loose him over his work stress. These are fixable things.

I would like to post a letter not now in time. I think if I was sent a letter I would find it cute.

I know he wanted me To make more effort with us. But I had a massive wall up. I hope intend we can fix this situation. In the mean time Iv switched my phone off and trying to eat & sleep as Iv felt so stressed

[michkath]

I don't know if Iv done a silly thing or not but yesturday I didn't text him all day after he said ' look I just wanted to say I'm sorry '

 

I woke up at 6am in a state and text him -

' just a quick message hope your feeling ok & you have a lovely weekend. Lots of love '

 

I didn't want to ask him about the apology as i didn't want to cause a argument.

 

Am I stupid

 

I really want to send the letter however not now in time. I think that is a really lovely thing to do

[timestand43]

I don't know if Iv done a silly thing or not but yesturday I didn't text him all day after he said ' look I just wanted to say I'm sorry '

 

I woke up at 6am in a state and text him -

' just a quick message hope your feeling ok & you have a lovely weekend. Lots of love '

 

I didn't want to ask him about the apology as i didn't want to cause a argument.

 

Am I stupid

 

I really want to send the letter however not now in time. I think that is a really lovely thing to do

 

 

Hello michkath. Don't call yourself stupid in these kinds of situations. You're not stupid, simply heartbroken, we tend to do and think crazy things when these types of things happen to us. You're not stupid, you just need some time to get your head screwed on straight, this break up is fairly fresh, happened on Sunday, it's just how it is, it's how I was. All I wanted to do was talk, but as time goes you figure out it may not be the right course of action. Especially if the other has asked for space, which he has in your case. Take the advice of the others, give him space. You love him very much, and given how distraught you were, it is obvious he knows how you feel about him. Do not contact him anymore, leave it at that.

 

Always remember we can never force others to be with us. They are free to leave when they wish, they can also come back if they decide in time. It's difficult detaching yourself from someone you love deeply, I'm sure many of us here know that feeling. Take comfort in the things that are constant in your life. Friends and family if they are available to you. Find something you can be proud of, something that can make you smile in the next day. That can be many things, it's different for all of us. For me, it was playing an instrument. For others, it could be working out, or simply walking around, meditating and enjoying other things. Find that thing, explore your interests. Not only are you giving him space, you're giving yourself the time and space to improve and be more comfortable with yourself. And remember, never bottle it up, allow yourself to feel the emotions as they come. But power forward, you will be okay.

 

Sending you good thoughts, just hang in there.

[michkath]

Thank you timestands that is such a lovely message to me.

 

Iv not text him like you've suggested and his text me saying can we talk Wednesday I replied yes and he said Iv ruined lives and I said I'm sure you haven't and he says yes look at us ruined. I said don't be silly. And he said well we will talk Wednesday. He said make sure you eat please and hope your ok. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing? But I'm very concerned.

Im giving him lots of space as I think he needs sometime to focus on work & working out as he doesnt seem to be talking much sense.

Have I done the right thing by agreeing? Just it is fresh we only broke up Sunday.

[timestand43]

Thank you timestands that is such a lovely message to me.

 

Iv not text him like you've suggested and his text me saying can we talk Wednesday I replied yes and he said Iv ruined lives and I said I'm sure you haven't and he says yes look at us ruined. I said don't be silly. And he said well we will talk Wednesday. He said make sure you eat please and hope your ok. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing? But I'm very concerned.

Im giving him lots of space as I think he needs sometime to focus on work & working out as he doesnt seem to be talking much sense.

Have I done the right thing by agreeing? Just it is fresh we only broke up Sunday.

 

 

Interesting, by talk, does he mean an in person meeting on Wednesday? I don't necessarily believe you did wrong by agreeing given he was the one who offered the suggestion. I guess I'm wondering what exactly is there to talk about? You stated he broke up with you because of how work was just stressing him out a ton and how it made you less close, that's your closure, maybe there was more he wishes to talk about? If this meeting is still going to happen, keep your space in the meantime, as stated in my previous response, focus on you still. Explore for you, only you. Improve your life so you can be even more happy in your shell.

 

As far as the meeting, what are you hoping to gain from it? What exactly is it going to do for you? And there's a couple of different things that can happen. Maybe he's doing it for him, maybe he's doing it to comfort you. Are you hoping to sort it all out and come together hopefully? I guess you should have the worst case scenario in your mind. You may not receive the outcome you wish and it may put you in a deeper hole. Meaning it may take you longer to heal if things go south.

 

If this is something you feel you need to do, then do it, he offered. But try not to expect anything from it. Because anything less of what you want will definitely impact you negatively given how fresh this breakup is. And yes, please eat and stay hydrated. Rather than eating because you enjoy the food, just eat to survive, think of it that way. I lost 8 pounds in two weeks when my breakup first happened! Don't let it happen to you, take care of yourself please.

[UBC9]

Thank you timestands that is such a lovely message to me.

 

Iv not text him like you've suggested and his text me saying can we talk Wednesday I replied yes and he said Iv ruined lives and I said I'm sure you haven't and he says yes look at us ruined. I said don't be silly. And he said well we will talk Wednesday. He said make sure you eat please and hope your ok. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing? But I'm very concerned.

Im giving him lots of space as I think he needs sometime to focus on work & working out as he doesnt seem to be talking much sense.

Have I done the right thing by agreeing? Just it is fresh we only broke up Sunday.

 

same thing goimg on with me!. its been 2 weeks and it was our of the blue and also due to stress at work. he said he does not want to hurt me anymore. i stopped eating and im sad ;( I check his social media and speculate 24/7

he is only willing to talk if he wants to and if i want to talk its annoying and he needs space. so I gave it to him and he said hes sorry and wants to meet up in person. i am scared and dont even knowwhat to say and like you I also feel stupid for agreeing instead of keeping my guard up.

thank you for sharing it makes me feel less alone and less crazy, sometimes you love someone so much you let go of your pride. i pray we both get the closure we deserve even if it doesn't work out in the way we want it's become easier for me to stop thinking about him with distance, so just know it will get easier for you too.

I used to love cooking and baking and today I found comfort in doing that again and I actually ate a full meal ! i enjoyed it and i didnt bust out into tears remembering him while doing it (pathetic but it was happening regularly lately)

[michkath]

I met him for a chat Thursday 13th face 2 face

It went well. He apologised for ending it way he did ( over text )

I said it really hurt me & I cried. He said my work is really stressing me out and I need be more open about it with you. And we need spend more time with eachother so I'm not focused on work. And I said yes I agree.

And I gave him a card with a night away inside ( his birthday next month )

I said open it when you get home and kissed me. He said he loved it and was nice gesture as I got it for his birthday and for the stress his going through.

So since last Thursday. Iv not seen him. We've been texting everyday and his saying he loves me ect. But this week he was away on business so couldn't see me which fair enough. However this weekend Iv noticed his blocked me on Instagram & he said he fell and hurt his arm and went to hospital and I said if u want me to come I will. And I didn't mention to him why have you blocked me as I fort leave it. And my cousin went on there and she said his been putting gym posts up perhaps he done it there and didn't want you to see. And I didn't understand why he would want to hide it from me. Anyways I just asked him is he annoyed with me and he said no I'm annoyed with myself. Now is that guilt? E.g. Hiding something?

 

I feel like his really pushing me away. But I really do love him. I'm not sure what is going on? Advice

 

 

X

[michkath]

I'm

So sorry to hear this hun! How did your meeting go? Did he explain?

[michkath]

same thing goimg on with me!. its been 2 weeks and it was our of the blue and also due to stress at work. he said he does not want to hurt me anymore. i stopped eating and im sad ;( I check his social media and speculate 24/7

he is only willing to talk if he wants to and if i want to talk its annoying and he needs space. so I gave it to him and he said hes sorry and wants to meet up in person. i am scared and dont even knowwhat to say and like you I also feel stupid for agreeing instead of keeping my guard up.

thank you for sharing it makes me feel less alone and less crazy, sometimes you love someone so much you let go of your pride. i pray we both get the closure we deserve even if it doesn't work out in the way we want it's become easier for me to stop thinking about him with distance, so just know it will get easier for you too.

I used to love cooking and baking and today I found comfort in doing that again and I actually ate a full meal ! i enjoyed it and i didnt bust out into tears remembering him while doing it (pathetic but it was happening regularly lately)

 

I'm

So sorry to hear this hun! How did your meeting go? Did he explain?