Not interested, how do you let them know

[on4fun77]

Hello all,

Looking for some female advice

So I met up with someone for coffee.

We had a good little "date". Conversation was good and she was nice.

And from follow up texting, she seems to be really interested in me.

 

But I do not want to pursue a deeper relationship with her, I would be fine being friends and hanging out from time to time, just to get out and do something.

Because it's nice to meet someone, who like you, doesn't smoke or drink.

 

So how do I tell her in a way that doesn't just crush her?

I mean as a guy I am fine with the woman just saying to me, "You know I had a good time, but not interested".

 

Any thoughts?

Thank you.

[Jeffbobo]

After one date, you tell her the same way as you mentioned that you'd be fine with; "You know, I had a good time but not interested". If she IS interested in more than friendship, then DON'T keep her as a friend to go out with from time to time just to get out and do something. That's cruel. Think of this the other way around. What if YOU wanted to be more than friends, she didn't and she told you she just wanted to hang out from time to time just to get out? The right and just way is exactly how you mentioned you'd like to receive it.

[on4fun77]

After one date, you tell her the same way as you mentioned that you'd be fine with; "You know, I had a good time but not interested". If she IS interested in more than friendship, then DON'T keep her as a friend to go out with from time to time just to get out and do something. That's cruel. Think of this the other way around. What if YOU wanted to be more than friends, she didn't and she told you she just wanted to hang out from time to time just to get out? The right and just way is exactly how you mentioned you'd like to receive it.

 

You make a very good point. Thank you.

 

I have just gotten so used to being "Friend Zoned", that I didn't think of it like that.

[Andrina]

Not interested seems cold to me. My preferred line was always. "I've enjoyed talking to you, but unfortunately don't feel the chemistry I need for a long term relationship." Chemistry is biological, and nothing you can control, so it's less of a slap in the face.

[on4fun77]

Good to know, thank you.

[JA0371]

' hey, I think you're a cool chick....I think we'd be good friends'....compliment but friend zone lol

[Sportster2005]

"We're not a good match. Good luck."

 

No offer of friendship. No compliments, no insults.

[on4fun77]

' hey, I think you're a cool chick....I think we'd be good friends'....compliment but friend zone lol

 

"We're not a good match. Good luck."

 

No offer of friendship. No compliments, no insults.

 

@Sportster2005

Sounds kinda harsh.

 

Thank you both.

[Luviskind]

Don't make a friendship out of it, it's not worth it. I was in a similar situation last summer. Went on a few dates with a guy I really liked, super charming and personable. Little did I know, that was how he was with everyone(he knew how to make you feel special). We hung out that entire summer, when fall semester started, he ditched me for some girl with blue hair, that twirled hula hoops!!!( I'm not trying to be funny).

 

Within a few months "blue hair" was his official girlfriend. I was crushed. If he completely ended our relationship instead of stringing me along for his own selfish pleasure, I would never have known about his love life, and my emotions would have been protected. He's still in my life today (he dumped "blue hair") and we're "friends", but I secretly resent him.

 

When you put a girl in the "friend zone" you give her hope, and you don't want to do that. You might say "let's be friends," but most girls will think I can win him over, and make him like me.

 

Be a gentleman, tell her that she's amazing, and will make some man very happy one day, but you can't foresee this relationship developing into anything romantic, and you don't want to waste any of her time or emotions.

 

She might be a little hurt, but at least she can move on.