Am I being too clingy ? What can I do? How do I attract my gf back ?

[jay228]

Hi. I met this girl about 6 months ago in a camp. We been together go a month. Its kinda a long distance relationship. After awhile we met, I confessed to her, but she rejected me because eventhough she likes me, she also likes another guy that goes to the same school as her and wanted to be loyal. She got together with that guy and we remained friends. She would constantly complaint about her bf to me because he is abusive. Two months after she broke up with her abusive bf, we got together.

 

I never been in much relationship before. This is my second time. I care a lot about her. We met during school holidays and we were pretty free so we talked a lot when we first met. We could talk for hours without stopping and would constantly ask what each of us are doing. It was great, I never felt happier.

 

Once school starts, which is after a month we met, we still text often like before. But after a week or so, she stop texting me like we used to. Now we mostly talk at night because she is busy with school. Before we got together she called me clingy once or twice for texting her more often because I miss the way we used to talk. So i try to reduce it. Now that we were together I once asked if I am still being too clingy, she said : 'yea a bit but I ain't complaining about it tho'. Last night we were talking but I try to end it after a while and she ask why am I being different tonight ? I asked in a good or bad way ? She replied you are not clingy xD good way. I just laugh it off but I was actually kinda sad. After that I can feel like she is a bit more talkative.

 

I dont call or text her all the time. She start the conversation mostly, maybe she thinks that I would get sad if she dont talk to me because we had a talk about this before. To me the stuff i do is not that clingy yet she think it is. Could her ex bf made her think this way? Because he is pretty abusive and would push her away when she care for him. Before they got together he is quite influential to her. How can I give her space without us drifting apart ? We dont talk as much as we used already and I really miss the way we talk last time.

 

How do I attract her back and make her feel that she want be a bit more clingy toward me ? I don't think talking to her about this at this point will do much help. We already had a few serious talk and she is quite frustrated.

Thank you

[Krankor]

Well, I didn't necessarily read a bunch of clingy behavior in your post, but clingy is in the eye of the beholder; if she perceives you as too clingy, then for her you are. To put it another way, she maybe was starting to feel a bit smothered.

 

No, I wouldn't have any "talks" with her at this point. Just take a step back and keep letting her initiate the majority of conversations. Don't act pouty or anything like that if you don't hear from her in as timely of a fashion as you want, and don't get into long, meandering text conversations either. Go back and forth a few times and then makes plans to see her. Let her feel like she has the freedom to come and go and to choose you. Generally speaking, women and girls don't like to feel as if the guy is trying to lock her down into a relationship. It's generally better if an exclusive relationship is her idea.

[Capricorn3]

She doesn't sound overly invested/interested in you (imo). I suggest you back off a little and let her do the contacting - that will show you if she's interested or not. Also, no need for another "talk".

[jay228]

Well a little quick update. I didnt contact her whole day just reply to her at evening and at night. She been asking what I been doing and where have I been. But when I replied her and she just ask me to continue doing what I am doing because she want to spend time with her family. I get that she want to spend time with her family. But the way she reply me its like just wanna check up on me and go as if its her chore or smtg.

[MissCanuck]

For context, how old are you both? And how often to do you see each other in person?

[jay228]

We are both 17. We dont see each other very often. Only once or twice during school holidays. We have school holidays every 3 months. She did called me last night so...Here is the thing when I give her space, I feel like we are drifting apart like we already are. So how ? How do I win her back when we do talk to each other ?

[Capricorn3]

How do I win her back when we do talk to each other ?

You need to understand that you cannot win someone back who doesn't want to be. It seems you are way more into her than she is into you. She doesn't seem to be feeling what you are and there's nothing you can do to change that.