Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Hi everyone need some advice, me and my ex parted a week ago and was sort of mutual break and we hadn't spoken much after that then couple days ago my ex girlfriend opened a chat on Facebook messenger and I sort of delayed the messages a bit, she asked if I was okay and I said I'm good thank you and I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink in the evening in about 4 days time and she agreed but she'll have to bring along her daughter (10months old) she also asked for my number twice (chat was over Facebook messenger) because I didn't give it to her the first time. But then the next day (last night) I called her and she didn't answer, then she text me saying what's up and I replied I her asked if she was okay and she said I'm good thanks you.. and I asked her if she was still on for Tuesday night and she replied "okay.. what for may I ask?" .. I haven't replied to this yet and I don't plan too. Is she missing me and I made the wrong move by contacting her yesterday? Have I blown it? I miss them both like crazy and love them to bits and I think ignoring her last message will make her wonder and begin missing me again? Many thanks Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Do you know if it was actually her who contacted you via Messenger? Link to comment
Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Do you know if it was actually her who contacted you via Messenger? Yes most likely, was how she talks anyway. She wouldn't let anyone use her phone and she doesn't have many friends. What do I do I'm confused? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 This doesn't sound like the mixed signals people give when they're ambivalent about ex-partners. Are you sure that she realised the first lot of messages was from you? Could she be online dating or something, and may have thought you were someone else when she agreed to meet up on Tuesday? OR... does she drink, and genuinely has no recollection of the previous 'conversation'? It also sounds strange that she didn't already have your number, given that she's your ex. If you really want to see her to talk things over, then reiterate that you had a loose arrangement to meet up. If she doesn't respond, then go full NC and get on with your life. Link to comment
Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 This doesn't sound like the mixed signals people give when they're ambivalent about ex-partners. Are you sure that she realised the first lot of messages was from you? Could she be online dating or something, and may have thought you were someone else when she agreed to meet up on Tuesday? OR... does she drink, and genuinely has no recollection of the previous 'conversation'? It also sounds strange that she didn't already have your number, given that she's your ex. If you really want to see her to talk things over, then reiterate that you had a loose arrangement to meet up. If she doesn't respond, then go full NC and get on with your life. I'm not sure it's all confusing I don't think she would be online dating and the chat to arrange a meet up was through Facebook messenger so she definitely knew it was me. straight after we broke up she told me she wanted to focus on her daughter and didn't want a relationship. Apparently she didn't have my number because her phone broke (my guess is she deleted it last week so she didn't feel tempted to message me). The thing is I want her to tell me what she actually wants and not just plan a meet up on Tuesday when I'll see her baby again and get attached. I just want her to tell me how she feels before and I think she will only do that if I ignore the last reply from her. Here is the text conversation from last night.. I called her yesterday late afternoon and no response, then it went like this through text.. Her: what's up Me: just wondering how your doing Her: yeah I'm good. You Me: I'm good thank you. Are you still on for Tuesday night? Her: what we doing Me: have a drink at the pub Her: okay.. what for may I ask? That's it I haven't replied since.. Link to comment
Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Yes most likely, was how she talks anyway. She wouldn't let anyone use her phone and she doesn't have many friends. What do I do I'm confused? Do you know if it was actually her who contacted you via Messenger? Also yes I do believe it was her, that chat was around half 9 evening when she would be in bed (she has the baby with her) we hadn't spoken for couple days before so maybe she missed me a bit Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 How do you mean 'It was a sort of mutual break'? It sounds as though you're hoping that by not communicating with her, she'll react by missing you. It's more likely that she'll think you're not interested, and will move on with her own life. Trying to make a connection with someone by NOT connecting is absolutely crazy! Her response to the message suggests that she wants to know why you want to meet up. What on earth is wrong with telling her directly? As it is, a loose arrangement to meet up followed by non-communication is game-playing, and likely to backfire. You can't manipulate another person into wanting a relationship with you, but telling her you miss them both like crazy and love them to bits is far more likely to yield the result you want than not replying to her message. Perhaps you should revise the title of your post. Who's really giving mixed signals here? Link to comment
Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Yes most likely, was how she talks anyway. She wouldn't let anyone use her phone and she doesn't have many friends. What do I do I'm confused? How do you mean 'It was a sort of mutual break'? It sounds as though you're hoping that by not communicating with her, she'll react by missing you. It's more likely that she'll think you're not interested, and will move on with her own life. Trying to make a connection with someone by NOT connecting is absolutely crazy! Her response to the message suggests that she wants to know why you want to meet up. What on earth is wrong with telling her directly? As it is, a loose arrangement to meet up followed by non-communication is game-playing, and likely to backfire. You can't manipulate another person into wanting a relationship with you, but telling her you miss them both like crazy and love them to bits is far more likely to yield the result you want than not replying to her message. Perhaps you should revise the title of your post. Who's really giving mixed signals here? 24 hours before planning to meet up with her she was telling me to move on, I told her I was devistated we broke up Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 24 hours before planning to meet up with her she was telling me to move on, I told her I was devistated we broke up If she was telling you to move on, that's not a mixed signal. She's telling you she's not interested. Trying to engage with her when she doesn't want you to will keep you in a constant state of heartache and despair. It will be very, very difficult for you in the short term and I get that. To get over this, you need to go NC and carry on with your own life - no more texts, social media or anything. Otherwise you'll just keep reopening the wound. Link to comment
Giblesp Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Your not being very specific with the details of the break up, but it sounds like your missing her and wanting to connect. She on the other hand is making it clear that she doesn't wish to connect. 'What for may I ask,' means she's not interested. Don't meet a woman when she clearly is not interested in meeting you. Its best to go NC and not reach out to ere, this is the quickest way for the pain to end. Link to comment
Tomthumb88 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 Tell her something along the lines of "I care about you and want to work it out and you know where to find me if you change your mind". Then go NC. Chasing is only going to push her further away Link to comment
Bobby Jo Posted June 8, 2017 Author Share Posted June 8, 2017 Tell her something along the lines of "I care about you and want to work it out and you know where to find me if you change your mind". Then go NC. Chasing is only going to push her further away The thing is I don't want to be the last person to message, it'll only make me want to keep checking my phone, shall I leave it a couple days then message that to her? (Maybe she would had sent another text before then) That way I can settle my emotions abit. What do you think? Link to comment
Vicky89 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 You invited her for drinks at the pub and she was planning on bringing her 10 month old kid along ? So she can cater to the kid, the kid whine and cry during your date ? Who brings a 10 month old to the pub on their date night ? That's beyond ghetto, if she's too broke to hire a sitter, then don't date her, last thing you want is to take care of a broke single mom. Life is already full of problems without you adding on other people into the mix to take care of. Move on Link to comment
Tomthumb88 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 You want to put the ball in her court and send the message that your not chasing and moving on with your life without her if need be. I wouldn't check your messages after because this is the long game (weeks, months). She sounds over it right now and the only thing that will change that is for her to really miss you Link to comment
Tomthumb88 Posted June 8, 2017 Share Posted June 8, 2017 FYI.. it might not work at all, depends on her but this way you can also get on with your lifr Link to comment
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