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Want to end it but won't


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My life is in complete ruins the con ruined me so bad financially I'll never recover alone. I can't even get a bank account, I owe money everywhere I'm broker than . Had a relapse and am on a new better med, new diagnosis similar but this one fits. I'm so depressed today, I need money am trying to find work, applied to disability but hate being mentally ill/disabled etc. I'm just frustrated with my life, why am I even on earthy just to be a up!? Or do nothing day after day!? I mean really, I know I'm protected, God wants me on earth but what the hell for?


I've had 3 near miss car accidents in the last 2 days just to see a fender bender at Costco. I want out of my life, I hate it so much! A guy of prominence has fallen for me sort of, not my look, but my soul and I'm afraid to fall to hard for him. Only I'm on the ground and he floats on a cloud. I had to not only remind him I'm fat though I've recently lost 40 lbs, 80 more to go; I finally fessed up that I'm bipolar. My therapist suggested I be open an honest. Truth is I wanted to take it to my death bed I hate it so much.


I haven't seen my daughter since Sept 11, 2016, I message her and call sometimes, but honestly I basically don't exist to her now. She's 14 btw. Nope didn't get the international job, but that's for the best I'm sure, probably would have been far too stressful being fat in Europe. I have the fat gene, I eat healthy, exercise more than most, and well I'll never been thin. NEVER! I can't have surgery to make myself thin because of my med and diagnosis. Maybe I should try anyway when I'm actually stable for a while. As if that will ever happen. Today is a tough day for me emotionally.

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I'm sorry Jetta, this sounds so terrible. I'm very sorry about your situation, especially with your daughter. I think it's the right thing to keep trying to reach her, to build a bridge. I think she will eventually be more responsive.


I hope you can find a way out of your situation soon. I really hope your new medication continues to help you. (hugs)

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  • 2 weeks later...

You're going through so much right now, I'm so sorry!! Try to keep your head up!

You say you can't lose weight but you've lost 40lbs!! That's awesome! Keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep losing! I've had gastric bypass and it's. Not the answer! I lost 120lbs and gained back 80 due to finding a new addiction of drinking!! You'll trade one addiction for another!! I recently stopped drinking and lost 30lbs and still focusing on losing 40 more. Going through depression now will only get worse after the surgery! Also, to let you know, when I got down to my ideal weight, I still didn't like how I looked! I lost it so fast that I sag everywhere and still wasn't happy, despite working out daily! So keep that in mind.


If you're not happy with yourself, the LAST thing you want to do or need to do isn't get in a relationship!! For one, I was with my ex, as a fat person, for 4 years before surgery. As soon as I got to my ideal weight, our relationship went down hill. He couldn't handle being with a skinny person. His own insecurities caused jealousy, trust issues all of a sudden and ultimately he cheated and our relationship ended after 7 years!!

You can't love anyone unless you love yourself! Right now, please focus on loving yourself! For many reasons!


Good luck to you! And God bless! I'll be praying for you!

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