Jetta Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 My life is in complete ruins the con ruined me so bad financially I'll never recover alone. I can't even get a bank account, I owe money everywhere I'm broker than . Had a relapse and am on a new better med, new diagnosis similar but this one fits. I'm so depressed today, I need money am trying to find work, applied to disability but hate being mentally ill/disabled etc. I'm just frustrated with my life, why am I even on earthy just to be a up!? Or do nothing day after day!? I mean really, I know I'm protected, God wants me on earth but what the hell for? I've had 3 near miss car accidents in the last 2 days just to see a fender bender at Costco. I want out of my life, I hate it so much! A guy of prominence has fallen for me sort of, not my look, but my soul and I'm afraid to fall to hard for him. Only I'm on the ground and he floats on a cloud. I had to not only remind him I'm fat though I've recently lost 40 lbs, 80 more to go; I finally fessed up that I'm bipolar. My therapist suggested I be open an honest. Truth is I wanted to take it to my death bed I hate it so much. I haven't seen my daughter since Sept 11, 2016, I message her and call sometimes, but honestly I basically don't exist to her now. She's 14 btw. Nope didn't get the international job, but that's for the best I'm sure, probably would have been far too stressful being fat in Europe. I have the fat gene, I eat healthy, exercise more than most, and well I'll never been thin. NEVER! I can't have surgery to make myself thin because of my med and diagnosis. Maybe I should try anyway when I'm actually stable for a while. As if that will ever happen. Today is a tough day for me emotionally. Link to comment
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