Dating Out of Your League?

[Ms Darcy]

I find some responses interesting. Don't worry about the girl you are into in large part due to her looks. She's not shallow and focused on your looks!

[Goodfellas]

I've always known the things being said in this threead but it's great to have them reinforced. This whole 'league' nonsense is a poor line of thinking (both physical looks and social capital) that I'm trying everyday to challenge. I don't want to believe in it, but I'm aware of it so it's hard to ignore—especially when comments are made directly about it.

 

With a little less self-sabotaging thoughts, and some support from friends and strangers on eNA, I'm confident we'll be together for a long time.

[Annia]

Where is the thread "leagues exist?" I was going to answer this to Kevuuuu but it seems to have been deleted:

 

"You seem to approach this in a defeated and resentful way. Of course people will feel attracted to people who they find physically (and then psychologically) attractive to them. It's normal and perfectly fine. The concept of finding attractive is not linear though and what you might think is a high league and super attractive might be average for someone else. I can almost guess that you're also one of those men who think that women have it super easy in the relationship department and men are poor martyrs who have it so hard.

 

Also your perception about someone might change in time. I've had men which I didn't find specially attractive at first become attractive to me and me wanting more with them after talking to them and seeing how great they are. There were other men who I found super hot at first but I didn't feel any chemistry and they became kind of average to me after getting along with them. This is not something that you put in a scale or where rules exist.

 

The best relationship I ever had and the best man inside I ever dated was a guy who was very attractive and other women, very beautiful women wanted him to. At this time I was overweight and I could feel that some people would look at us and think "?" and even some of this super attractive women made some nasty comments about our difference in looks. His past girlfriends were also what you would say "above my league" but "on his league". There was a time where I thought about why does he want me if he could have these beautiful confident hot women any time. But from the same question I shifted my perspective and realised that he loved me from my whole package, and not because of my looks. He obviously felt attracted to me even though I was overweight because we had a great sex life, but he also felt attracted by other things that kept him with me, like how I was inside and how I made him feel. Also, he was the one who approached me when we met, and there were other women there that had great bodies and great style and he could have made a move on them.

 

You can be all cynic about love and all MGTW and "red pilled" all you want, but even though you might feel protected by this mindset, you'll limit yourself to the nuances of love and relationships. Things aren't black and white. Yes, you'll be rejected by woman who you perceive to be "above your league" and yes, your heart and self esteem might be shattered in the future, but if you stop limiting yourself and feeling already defeated because of strict concepts of "leagues" and all that, you'll increase the possibilities of that happening and the pain.

 

Also remember, that even top models have been cheated on and have an SO who's tired of them and sometimes by people who are "bellow their league" as you'd say. It's not as simple as you're painting it."

[Goodfellas]

Annia, thank you for that great reply (and for outing Kevuuuu as a troll)! Although you allude to the existence of leagues, with the dirty looks and whatnot, it was a great story that I needed to hear that "league-ism" goes both ways.

 

I especially liked the "limiting mindset" bit because I've been victim to that, too. I guess you could say I've trolled myself because there were times where I'd say "Ahhh she'd never go for a guy like me!" or have a "why bother?" attitude. This is one of the many aspects I'm challenging myself with this new girl.

[Goodfellas]

I'm just going to leave this here:

[Titanll]

Just sad...maybe cut her loose so someone with a healthy level of confidence can have her.

 

Seriously, have you ever dated in or below your league? I haven't. Not that any such "league" actually exists.

 

Let's face it...the least attractive female is way more beautiful than any man I know. So, I guess we all are punching above our weight. Relax....