Ronin17 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 My girlfriend broke up with me because she didn't want to keep lying to her parents about not dating. She said she loved me and that it was amazing to be with me and that she can't go on loving me if she can't even tell the truth to her parents. Nothing bad happened in our relationship, we were both happy and everything except that her dad kept pressuring her not to have a bf. She told me that she needs a lot of space and that this won't be a week or a month kind of thing. Few weeks later she tells me that I just shouldn't wait for her because her priorities will change and that she just wants to focus on herself, family and studies and I got very frustrated when she told me that I shouldn't wait for her few weeks past by again and I knew I shouldn't have bashed out on her decision so I told her that I really love what she's doing, that she's trying to focus on herself and love herself first and family and friends and studies and that I should actually focus on myself too. Her response was very touching yet Idk why I found it a bit sad. It was a long paragraph but long story short, She said she really appreciates it and that I should just live my life, "you gotta love yourself before you can love someone else, The other person has to be prepared and so does the other person too." I've known her since childhood and she was my first love.. Known her for 9 years and we had a great friendship but then we started to have feelings for each other and things got really serious and it just felt amazing to be with her. I'm very scared that in the future, when she is ready, that she will be with someone else and that's my biggest problem.. I want to give her space but I just can't stop think how much it would hurt if she would be with someone else. Should I even be feeling this or thinking about this? Should I trust her and give her the space she needs? I want to focus on myself too but this is the most hardest challenge for me since she lives right across the street from me and see her mostly everyday after school and that I'm also friends with her brother and I don't think I can do it.. I asked her if maybe we can be friends again and restart. She said yes, but said "but not so soon" I think I'm very insecure and clingy about this tbh.. Just thinking about her going for someone else. What should I do? Should I focus in myself too? And when can I start talking to her again? she might not feel the same in the future but will she even have feelings for me or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I'm sorry this happened, OP. Yes, you should focus on yourself now. I think she is trying to be gentle but firm with you so she doesn't give you false hope. Don't worry about the future at this time, or what will happen if she meets someone else. That's not important. Also, don't worry about when to start talking to her again. You shouldn't even be considering it until you have grieved and healed and feel much more neutral toward her. Attempting to do so beforehand will hurt like heck because you will likely only find that she doesn't want to meet up or chat. What's important is that you respect her decision and do your best to not contact her. It will only set back your healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 "I'm very scared that in the future, when she is ready, that she will be with someone else and that's my biggest problem.." Yes, this is most likely, as people who really love you will never let you go, not even once. It could be that the relationship ran its course for her, and she wants to experience more in life before entering into a serious relationship. You can also examine your own behavior and come to terms if you were possibly at fault for the relationship's demise, so that you can improve your behavior in the future. If you made her the sole center of your universe, and didn't keep up with guy friends besides her brother, and you don't have any hobbies/interests, then maybe she felt smothered. Don't expect reconciliation in the future. Meet with her brother outside of his home and tell the brother you don't want to hear news of his sister. If you see her outside, say hi but don't engage in conversation. You need closure. Everyone has a first love, but most go on to date various people, which is usually a good idea, because with time to mature and life experience, you can be ready to choose a lifetime partner more wisely. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin17 Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 "I'm very scared that in the future, when she is ready, that she will be with someone else and that's my biggest problem.." Yes, this is most likely, as people who really love you will never let you go, not even once. It could be that the relationship ran its course for her, and she wants to experience more in life before entering into a serious relationship. You can also examine your own behavior and come to terms if you were possibly at fault for the relationship's demise, so that you can improve your behavior in the future. If you made her the sole center of your universe, and didn't keep up with guy friends besides her brother, and you don't have any hobbies/interests, then maybe she felt smothered. Don't expect reconciliation in the future. Meet with her brother outside of his home and tell the brother you don't want to hear news of his sister. If you see her outside, say hi but don't engage in conversation. You need closure. Everyone has a first love, but most go on to date various people, which is usually a good idea, because with time to mature and life experience, you can be ready to choose a lifetime partner more wisely. Take care. The thing is tho is that we "had" to break up because she was basically saying she's breaking her dad's trust by having a boyfriend and her dad is madly strict about dating and plus I definitely asked her if anything was wrong in our relationship but there were no problems at all, only her family. She really loves her family and sometimes they fight and if her dad found out she said that her family would kind of break because of now trust issues. And she said that she isn't looking for anybody, she doesn't want to but its just when she's ready like maybe when she's 18 or 19 we can but Idk I think that's my biggest problem is my insecurity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin17 Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I'm sorry this happened, OP. Yes, you should focus on yourself now. I think she is trying to be gentle but firm with you so she doesn't give you false hope. Don't worry about the future at this time, or what will happen if she meets someone else. That's not important. Also, don't worry about when to start talking to her again. You shouldn't even be considering it until you have grieved and healed and feel much more neutral toward her. Attempting to do so beforehand will hurt like heck because you will likely only find that she doesn't want to meet up or chat. What's important is that you respect her decision and do your best to not contact her. It will only set back your healing. Okay thank you so much, I will try my best not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin17 Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I'm sorry this happened, OP. Yes, you should focus on yourself now. I think she is trying to be gentle but firm with you so she doesn't give you false hope. Don't worry about the future at this time, or what will happen if she meets someone else. That's not important. Also, don't worry about when to start talking to her again. You shouldn't even be considering it until you have grieved and healed and feel much more neutral toward her. Attempting to do so beforehand will hurt like heck because you will likely only find that she doesn't want to meet up or chat. What's important is that you respect her decision and do your best to not contact her. It will only set back your healing. When we see each other on the bus, she sometimes looks at me and smiles and I smile back too of course. Is this okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 How old are you both, OP? And yes, it's perfectly okay to smile at her. Exchanging civil pleasantries when you bump into each other in public is the decent thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Absolutely and without a doubt focus on yourself. You should always be doing this anyway. Im sorry to be so direct, but she has ended it with you because she doesn't feel the same. And you should never ask to be friends with a woman you have feelings for. The absolute best thing to do is to tell her to give you a shout if she changes her mind, and move on completely with absolute NC. Just look after yourself first. Everything starts with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 If you have known her 9 years then maybe you two are just better off as friends. You two tried but it didnt work out. I think she is letting you down easy blaming it on something or someone and at this point it doesnt really matter because she really didnt signal a possibility once the obstacles were gone. It is over. I know you fear that youll see her with someone, that will happen. But on the other side you are also free to meet someone who fits you. I know it sucks but this is probably for the best. Dont hang on to the reasons why the break up happened, accept that it did and when the romantic strings fade away, you two can be great friends again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin17 Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 How old are you both, OP? And yes, it's perfectly okay to smile at her. Exchanging civil pleasantries when you bump into each other in public is the decent thing to do. We are both 17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 We are both 17 Why the rush for people to find their one true love at 17? Simplicity.. keep things simple and easy and try not to over think and accept the here and now. If you can do that, you will be good. She doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. Thats what her actions say. She will date someone else. In fact, she will hold hands, kiss and maybe even have sex with someone in the future. You will eventually meet someone else. Its not going to be the same, no two girls are going to be the same. Each will be different so dont compare any girl to past ones you have dated. You wouldnt like a girl to compare you to her X would you? You two are just not meant to be thats all, and if you are then its going to naturally happen but you cant force it. Go find and date other girls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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