soulsurvivor26 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Why do people cheat instead of breaking up and being free to have sex with whomever they want? Why do people cheat on you and go to another relationship instead of being single and messing around? Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Cheating and moving on is actually a safe way to go. You never have to deal with being alone. You have someone to comfort you during the pain of the break up. It's the easy way out. You can move on with love for someone else instead of ever dealing with they whys and hows and loss of a break up. Breaking up with someone is hard, painful and all around no fun. Falling for someone and the first stages of a relationship are a lot of fun. It's not kind but it make since. Link to comment
soulsurvivor26 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Cheating and moving on is actually a safe way to go. You never have to deal with being alone. You have someone to comfort you during the pain of the break up. It's the easy way out. You can move on with love for someone else instead of ever dealing with they whys and hows and loss of a break up. Breaking up with someone is hard, painful and all around no fun. Falling for someone and the first stages of a relationship are a lot of fun. It's not kind but it make since. Ok I can see that, but if you don't deal with the emotions of the break up won't they come back to you? Link to comment
Vicky89 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Because some people take the path with the least amount of resistance Let's say you are married, have been married for 20 years, 3 kids, a mortgage/ house, what's easier ? Divorcing, losing half of everything you owned, down grading to a small apartment in a bad area of town and giving half your paycheck to child support, or getting someone on the side to have a good time with since you and your partner haven't done it since Bill Clinton was president and it's not like they are being deprived of what they don't want to have with you in the first place ? The path of least resistance. The ones I don't get are the ones where people are just dating, no kids, no marriage, not even living together and yet, they have the need to cheat, so maybe for those people it's thrilling to cheat or they actually like two people at the same time and don't want to lose either, you know, kinda like how you may like one TV show, but there are others you like watching too ! All you need in order to cheat is 2 things 1. Opportunity 2. Desire to do so So what you do is you find someone you are compatible with sexually and whom you get along with really good, establish some ground rules and trust them until they give you reason not to. Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Ok I can see that, but if you don't deal with the emotions of the break up won't they come back to you? Depends on the person. Some people just keep moving so they never have to "deal" with feelings. Sometimes by the time they cheat they have already dealt with what was left of the past relationship feelings. I think people who do this kind of relationship hopping end up struggling emotionally in some way or another... but don't we all. Link to comment
soulsurvivor26 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Depends on the person. Some people just keep moving so they never have to "deal" with feelings. Sometimes by the time they cheat they have already dealt with what was left of the past relationship feelings. I think people who do this kind of relationship hopping end up struggling emotionally in some way or another... but don't we all. I know you have to deal with the emotions of the breakup. Like the faithful one stays single and deals with the emotions a and usually is much better than the cheater. While the cheater usually goes in there cycle of selfishness...idk just a thought... Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 My ex cheated on me in revenge. She was so mad at me for destroying her dream of having a family, a decision I do not regret, that she had to get in a parting shot on the way out. There was also a fading part of her that was still in love with me at the time, so she couldn't let me go yet. She was not mature or strong enough to sever ties before moving on to the single life. Link to comment
Andrina Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 People with good ethics cannot understand a person with bad ethics. It's best not to dig into their nasty minds. Nothing but toxins in there. Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 As it relates to the most common situation, selfishness and immaturity. Ok I can see that, but if you don't deal with the emotions of the break up won't they come back to you? It's not your problem. This is the time for you to be selfish as it relates to her and care about your own well being instead. Take the love you would waste on her and spend it on yourself. You'll get over her. There's better out there for you buddy. You can count on it. Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 People with good ethics cannot understand a person with bad ethics. It's best not to dig into their nasty minds. Nothing but toxins in there. Every person can have good ethics and bad ethics when it suits them. Trying to understand what motivates people to make selfish and hurtful choices is useful for figuring out how to lead your life. "ethics" are a shifting set of norms some of which you choose and some of which get handed to your by your culture, your family and the narratives you enjoy (art, movies, music, tv). "Ethics" are a moving target for almost everyone. We excuse and condemn ourselves and others based on "ethics" they are super worth exploring. Link to comment
eidetic Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Cheating is not necessarily about ethics or even morality, and it's not very black or white. Not simple, I mean. Cheating is a risk taking and a rush. There's a neurochemical component, like roller coaster riding, or getting high. It's an adrenaline thing, also a logic puzzle, and the person who does it and gets away with it gets a profound chemical reward. Plus sex. Or admiration. Or both. Physical and psychological payoff. And a person who does it and *doesn't* get away with it, who gets completely busted -- maybe even the same person -- gets the incredible high of the total destruction. Explosive payoffs in the form of drama, adrenaline, defensiveness, huge arguments, endless tears? All a massive payoff in the neurochemistry and physiological sensations. And more logic puzzles to figure out in the survival mode of aftermaths. People who do this, aren't just jerks. Not everyone does it. Not everyone has the emotional or physiological or financial or ethical capacity to deceive, sneak, or change their minds all the time, or at all. It doesn't mean the cheated or cheater are any better or worse than each other. It just means they are on different rides. Cheaters in my observation often do it in order to feel. Anything. And in my opinion I think it's rooted in some buried pain that hurts them so much that they can't afford to feel the more nuanced and subtle inflections of love. I don't mean they don't love. They do. But something about loving proved to be harmful and so painful at some point, early on in their experience, so that hiding it away and keeping it to themselves and even lying about it became necessity. Sorry this happened to you. I finally told the cheater I loved, that if we were married and he cheated on me, I would not divorce him. And I think that actually broke his head. Some people are love-avoidant, attachment-avoidant. It doesn't mean they are bad people. It does mean they are suffering with something you cannot fix. I don't know what ultimately happens to or for these people. But I think it's important to recognize that they have hearts, no matter what they've done to others, and that their upsetting behavior is not necessarily rooted in entitlement or maliciousness, but in old, old pain. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Cheating is very much about morals and ethics. eth·ics noun moral principles that govern a person's behavior or the conducting of an activity. mor·al noun a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do. A person cheats because they care more about themselves than their SO. They would prefer to get what they want regardless of the consequences to others. I don't buy into the whole "it isn't their fault don't judge". It is entirely the fault of the cheater that they cheated. It isn't entirely their fault their relationship wasn't working. Saying you can't judge a cheater based on their actions of cheating is ridiculous. In fact, actions are pretty much the only thing I judge people on. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I am with you on that Alchemist. And what is truly insidious, demeaning and destructive is the deception and the lies and the manoeuvring so that the "other" doesn't find out. Like a sort of game. Very unpleasant. Link to comment
EternalOptimis Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Because some people take the path with the least amount of resistance Let's say you are married, have been married for 20 years, 3 kids, a mortgage/ house, what's easier ? Divorcing, losing half of everything you owned, down grading to a small apartment in a bad area of town and giving half your paycheck to child support, or getting someone on the side to have a good time with since you and your partner haven't done it since Bill Clinton was president and it's not like they are being deprived of what they don't want to have with you in the first place ? The path of least resistance. The ones I don't get are the ones where people are just dating, no kids, no marriage, not even living together and yet, they have the need to cheat, so maybe for those people it's thrilling to cheat or they actually like two people at the same time and don't want to lose either, you know, kinda like how you may like one TV show, but there are others you like watching too ! All you need in order to cheat is 2 things 1. Opportunity 2. Desire to do so So what you do is you find someone you are compatible with sexually and whom you get along with really good, establish some ground rules and trust them until they give you reason not to. The second scenario you describe was me, or rather my ex. She desperately clung on to her man friend till it came at a personal cost her when I broke up with her. And she came back and idiot that I am took her back. Nothing changed and we broke up again recently after 4 yrs. A LOT more pain I'd add another to your list. 3. Low morals Relationships are meant to mean something Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.