Husband Advice Needed !! ASAP

[fan4nascar]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this group.

I really dont know where to begin.

It's to the point now where I am really resenting my husband.

We have been together 5years, have a son (2) and I am pregnant.

I think my husband isn't so great.

He is lazy,(by this I mean he comes home at 3 sleeps at 4 and occasionally wakes up for dinnner) he never helps me out physically (with laundry bathe the kid straighten up or even a hug, nor is he there for me emotionally. I swear I think he avoids being around me.

not to mention we havent had sex in forever (months). It's really

amazing Im even pregnant. I'm becoming angry and bitter.

He hardly ever comes to bed he usually falls alseep on the couch, which

I'm getting used to at this point. It used to hurt alot but not so much

anymore.

I guess is all about how much I can tolerate. I could go on forever.

I gave up a nursing career to stay at home (per his request). We are on

a tight budget, and the function of the house falls on me as well as raising the family.

I cook (everyday), clean , laundry, and basically at this point I feel

I am a single parent

I love him (dont ask me why perhaps a memory of the man he was, and promised to be) and really want to fix things.

I try to bring this up and he gets angry and leaves the room.

 

any suggestions?

[SouthernSon]

Well there's always two sides to every story. In your entire post you mentioned nothing about how you believe your husband might be feeling. You only mentioned that you resent him and complain about things he does not do.

 

Sorry I will need more information before I can give a proper answer.

 

p.s. - why is everyone lately putting ASAP in their title? I mean please, people will respond when they can.

[mataney]

you need to talk to him. find a time. tie him down or something. relationships, esp. marriages are about communication. there's none going on here.

 

if he won't sit down and talk with you (i say talk, meaning both of you guys talking it out, not you nagging) then just do less things around the house. he needs to feel the impact of how much you do and that if he wants it kept up as it was, then he's gonna have to give back to you.

 

don't wanna come up harsh, but it could be that you're pregnant and emotional right now. but i understand that he does need to fulfill some of you needs as well. so have a talk or start boycotting the chores. good luck

[fan4nascar]

I put ASAP because I need the advice (sooner the better). I am at the point now where I really am debating asking him to leave.

 

I dont believe he "feels" much to be honest. If I had to guess I'd say tired (only because of him coming home and sleeping all day/night).

He is the type to shut down and not address any issues. I know he's not interested in being intimate with me, no matter how I approach it, nothing happens. I've gotten a babysitter so we could be alone, dressed sexy, come on to him etc...he just would rather sleep he says. I don't think he's having an affair. He comes home everyday at the same time, doesnt go out. No phone calls or anything like that.

 

I am truly at a loss.

[Day_Walker]

You have all this information in front of you about what your husband does and doesnt do, now all you have to do is make the decision as to what you want to do.

[Jetta]

Sleeping all the time is a symptom of depression. You should take him into his doctor for a through examination. Perhaps there is a medical reason for him being so tired. It's very unusual behavior.

 

Maybe the pressure of being the sole provider has really gotten him down. You said you were a nurse until he asked you to quit. Well the current arrangement isn't working out so why not get back into nursing? You'll have more money, he'll probably feel less financially stressed, and hopefully break out of whatever mode he's gotten into.

[fan4nascar]

I've thought about depression. I asked him to go and get a "check up". He doesn't want to be bothered.

I Would LOVE to go back to work, help out with the money, and get out of the house I really love my job. The reason I don't is because I dont trust my husband to take care of my son (2 y/o) I fear Dad will fall asleep on the couch while my kid gets hurt or worse.

[Jetta]

Why can't you put him in daycare? If it's the hours look into a nanny service, home provider, or family member who can keep him or watch him while you're at work. There's always a way to do it if you really want to. And if your husband is depressed, which is what it sounds like to me, make the appointment and take him to the doctor (drag him if you have to). I'd try the nice approach first.

 

Oh one other thought came to mind. Maybe if you talked to your husband about wanting to return to work it would help him. He may have told you to stay home because he thought it was what you wanted. Communicate with him. It sounds like you both hide your true feelings from each other. I think you can work things out. Good luck.

[DN]

What job does your husband do? You seem to feel under-appreciated. Have you made him feel appreciated for what he does do? When you talk about the problems do you do so aggressively or lovingly? Do you blame him for being a bad husband, father or lover, or do you say it in a way that makes him want to comfort and help you.

 

When trying to solve problems in a relationship it is much better to do so in a way that doesn't cause him pain but makes him want to please you. For instance: instead of saying, or implying "You are a bad husband because you don't help me around the house", you can say "It makes me feel so loved and supported when you help me around the house. It means I can have more time to spend with you".

 

Same object - different approach. You can use it with almost anything you want - and it makes the relationship a loving one instead of being antagonistic.

 

Compromise and negotiation are key to any successful relationship. Make sure you listen to what he has to say.

[7CardStud]

Sounds like depression to me... A lot of people in my family suffer from depression, and this really sounds like he is depressed... Tell him you care about his health, and you really think he needs to go to a Dr.