Her empty desk

[Mavrik]

After an intense 12 month relationship with my ex gf who has borderline personality disorder. The relationship ended a day after my birthday this Feb (great present thanks), breakup came out of the blue, but BPD being how it is, it would have ended at some point anyway.

 

As well as the intensity out of work, we worked together also we got to spend so much time together.

 

I didn't see it but she was changing me for the worse.

 

So she ended the relationship then a short while later got herself fired.

 

I set NC and stuck to it. But was off my meds and my depression came back. So now back on meds. Also starting counselling soon, go to the gym and alsorts.,

 

It's been 3 weeks since NC, but at work this week I had a relapse and felt so low and upset. To see her empty desk where we once used to chat a lot and turn to each other when we had stuff going on, yet now the desk is empty, my hearts empty and my life seems empty.

 

BPD move on very quick and don't suffer the heartbreak we do, and I'm sure she's onto the next relationship (thaf will fail too).

 

I'm all over the place, sad at the lost, miss her lots, angry at her hurt, angry thaf she dropped me into depression, sad thaf my depression is back. Lonely because she's no longer at her desk.

 

I thought I was doing so well but clearly that wasn't the case. People say time heals, time also drags you back and forth too, is this part of the healing process?

 

Anyone got any love they can send me, as I'm feeling so bad 😢😢😢

[reinventmyself]

Sorry Hun,

It's never a straight line.

Just imagine that every time something comes to the surface, you just that much closer to purging it all.

I tend to think those moments are stored up inside of ourselves somewhere so I try to welcome them and allow them to pass.

Hang in there.

One foot in front of the other. . .

[Dominique]

There are definitely times where you will go back and forth. That is part of the sadness of break ups. We heal in big circles. It's never a straight line.

 

You are doing the best you can with all the reminders you have around you, that makes it worse. Because you can't escape her completely.

 

Remind yourself that you felt love and that doesn't go away easily.

Just know that your heart is full of beauty. Embrace that beauty as you continue to heal.

 

Sending you light and love.

[eidetic]

Pull back on that BPD motif. Assume equal fault in the downfall of your relationship. Also assume total responsibility for your own depression: that's your body and psyche, and response. I say so from a similar place: we can't be blaming others for our own internal headtrip, no matter how much they inadvertently or deliberately contributed to it. We each bring an unknowable quantity and quality of baggage to the table. Always own your own.

 

BPD is sourced in a lot of pain. Assume that you meant a lot to that person, because on some level you did. If you set NC and stuck to it, you abandoned your BPD partner. That is the worst and original pain, and whatever the boards or forums or articles you read said, your cutoff contributed to whatever happened next.

 

I watched a colleague get itself fired a while back and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was unnecessary and it was after that person had fallen out with a romantic interest at work. IMHO work is just not the place to find love; it's where we get paid, and that's different.

 

She probably was facing a lot of pain, continuing to work where love or affection or intimate trust had failed. No matter whose fault that was. I would say have compassion, because BPD carries a lot of secret old pain. If you behaved badly in the relationship, that's on you, and it's on you to work through those facts -- of you.

 

I see a lot of come-and-go at work. It's difficult and confusing, but it's ultimately someone else's life and choices. You might be feeling some "survivor guilt". But a BPD person is also sometimes more resourceful and resilient than you know -- not just in the stereotypical bouncing into new relationship right away -- and you don't have to assume responsibility for what they choose once they've left or been ejected by you.

 

I hope that makes sense; I don't mean it harshly. Just have known a lot of people who got stuck with DSM labels.

[chitown9]

You still have YOUR job at least. Sounds like you were chatting with her a great deal at work....not a good thing. You could have been fired too! Start counting your blessings and just know that it could never had worked out with her anyway....so, you knew this up front. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. chi

[LondonMan33]

After an intense 12 month relationship with my ex gf who has borderline personality disorder. The relationship ended a day after my birthday this Feb (great present thanks), breakup came out of the blue, but BPD being how it is, it would have ended at some point anyway.

 

As well as the intensity out of work, we worked together also we got to spend so much time together.

 

I didn't see it but she was changing me for the worse.

 

So she ended the relationship then a short while later got herself fired.

 

I set NC and stuck to it. But was off my meds and my depression came back. So now back on meds. Also starting counselling soon, go to the gym and alsorts.,

 

It's been 3 weeks since NC, but at work this week I had a relapse and felt so low and upset. To see her empty desk where we once used to chat a lot and turn to each other when we had stuff going on, yet now the desk is empty, my hearts empty and my life seems empty.

 

BPD move on very quick and don't suffer the heartbreak we do, and I'm sure she's onto the next relationship (thaf will fail too).

 

I'm all over the place, sad at the lost, miss her lots, angry at her hurt, angry thaf she dropped me into depression, sad thaf my depression is back. Lonely because she's no longer at her desk.

 

I thought I was doing so well but clearly that wasn't the case. People say time heals, time also drags you back and forth too, is this part of the healing process?

 

Anyone got any love they can send me, as I'm feeling so bad 😢😢😢

 

 

 

My advice is stop feeling sad and down. easier said than done right ? well let me tell you I have been through the same and found the answers , finding these answers nearly sent me mad but I must have a guardian angel looking after me .I put my story on here back in March , My relationship was with a woman for over 7 years and I am no doctor but I am convinced she has histrionic personality disorder. I never lived with her in all that time but she always wanted me too move in, something was stopping me inside call it red flags or what ever but I never did . In that 7 year I caught her texting sex stuff to a old ex of hers, red flag, I found out she took lots of different drugs pain killers anti depressants all sort she was addicted too. she had a theft claim against her, we had so many fights I lost count. but the pull to go back for more was unreal. like I was addicted and needed to be with her for at least some parts of the week. anyway In the beginning of March this year I went in and caught her out she had another bloke in the kitchen and was shocked to see me, she had me leave the property , I then went like you are feeling now, really down and depressed , on antidepressants I felt terrible I thought it could never happen , In the following 7 or 8 weeks I never seen her, I tried to no contact thing but she found ways to get in touch and i responded , She convinced me I had got it all wrong and she was never cheating at all ... So i once again gave her the benefit of the doubt, I took her away 2 weeks ago for a weekend break , she declared her undying love for me, she had me looking at rings in shops and told me I was always the one for her, It was pretty intense to say the least, I said ok then I will move in with you just give me a week or so to organise things, In that 2 weeks she had me going over every day and each time I saw her she was always hinting on for money which I gave her , I knew she was broke, she also wanted lifts to and from her afternoon job, she had all this furniture organised telling me where my stuff would be going and all the rest of it my head was now totally spinning and she had total control over me. anyway 3 nights ago I goes round and asks to use her mobile as mine wont do internet, she gives me it reluctantly and I go off in another room to browse the web, I hear this noise from the phone and its messenger and up pops another old ex of hers, I lost count how many she has had. I click on his face and see the night before just after I had left her place and her telling me I was the love of her life I see she went into a deep conversation with this other fella, exactly like she writes to me on the texts she was doing to him all the sex stuff , all the mmmmmmm stuff how he was going to take her to bed the next day and what he was going to do to her.... I am sat there reading this stuff and thinking this evil b a s t a r d was manipulating me all along and I was so close to letting her destroy my life totally by moving in which was supposed to be today (pheww) I put her phone down and left her house quietly with out her knowing as she has a very bad temper , I then sent her a text telling her I read everything on her phone from this other fella and her and she was a total and utter monster and I hated her guts . and never ever want to see her again .. she spent 2 full days calling me and texting begging forgiveness I never replied and now I have another new number. I needed this to happen to me it has saved my life. I was exactly like you feel I was so down and missed her so much .. then I finally got the chance to see what a evil monster she really was .. I now feel so relieved and at total peace with myself . I know for a fact she is in turmoil and long may it continue . I can guarantee you you would have been in the same position as me with this woman you are talking about so please read this and know what was in store for you. you are so well out of it. you have been given another life ticket to use so use it wise and think of this as a lesson . Do not waste one more day in pain over people like that above. never ever ever. they are seriously horrible people. be happy you have this chance use it and take heed of my warning.

[No1]

#1. its just a desk.

#2. Time does heal wounds, but it cant do it on its own. The healing process takes work on your part.

#3. Healing, time and emotions are not linear. There is a reason why they call it mood swings, thats because your emotions are going to swing must like a pendellum. And at times that emotional pendellum will swing and stay on emotions like... anger, fear, confusion, denial, bargaining, sadness and at some points it will hit acceptance. Now as time goes on and you help out the healing process, you will notice that the pendellum will swing less and it will it on acceptance more often until it stays there and then it just goes away.

 

If you want to heal, help yourself heal. Do what it takes....Purge your X from your life. Delete all emails, texts, messages, voice mails, get rid of notes, letters, cards and any item that your X bought you and delete your X from your phone and DONT snoop, dont follow and dont look at social media. Because if you go looking, you will find it.

 

Healing takes time, let it do its work, but you must also work. Youll be happy again.