Need "Dumpers" Opinions - Looking back

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Would like the opinion of some people that have dumped someone.

 

Heres the situation (breifly).

 

She left me a year ago, we are still friends, but haven't been talking much recently. She left cuz I was boring her, and controlling (didn't realize I was).

 

Does anyone out there that dumped someone, look back at the past relationship and see any good? Is it only the bad things that you see, or how long did it take you to remember the good, fun times (if ever)?

 

Will she ever remember the good 'ole times, or is she always going to remember the reasons/feelings for leaving?

 

Any responses in any relation would be appreciated.

[chai714]

Will she ever remember the good 'ole times, or is she always going to remember the reasons/feelings for leaving?

 

Most people don't consciously choose what they want to remember in life. She will probably remember mostly good times, as humans subconsciously remember the good times over the bad. Nobody wants to have bad thoughts about things, but they do exist. My guess would be that you want her back. Work on self-improvement if you haven't already. You can make yourself a much more attractive person to her, and others. Here's what I tell a lot of people: hit the books (self-help, psychology) and hit the gym. Strong mind, strong body.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Yes I do want her back. I have been going the gym, started reading books, and that sorta stuff.

 

Thanks for your opinion

[someguy69]

Will she ever remember the good 'ole times, or is she always going to remember the reasons/feelings for leaving?

 

Sad to say, but I agree, most people remember more good times than bad... although, from my experience women can really, really, really hold onto a grudge and remember bad times forever.

 

If your relationship was bad enough for her to break up with you... then you'd best be thinking of moving on.

[tanned_production]

i have had experience dumping someone before. its not supposed to be easy... and its not supposed to be happy...

 

but looking back i know it was a growing experience for me... i know that i dumped them for the better.. the relationship wasnt good for either of us... but i do remember the good times, and i think hes a great person.... we just didnt "click" in a romantic way.

 

anyways, good luck with everything!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

All your experiences are good to hear. I don't want her to only remember the bad things, although thats all it seems like sometimes.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Anybody else have any experiences or ideas?

 

Thanks

[RayKay]

It always will depend on the particular relationship - though in general we do tend to lose as much details on the negative and remember more positive. However depending on her reasons for her leaving, she may always still remember those even though she does have good memories as well. There is a reason she left, and she is not likely to "just forget" about them over time and what they were.

 

The only way you can change her feelings, or replace her negative ones or at least have her reasons lose their validity now is to show her through actions that you have changed (ie are no longer controlling). This can be easier said then done, as it does require true change that had to of been made willingly and wholeheartedly. Then maybe she will see you in a new light - but of course still no guarantees. Sometimes we just don't ever go back again, so its best to make changes for yourself and to benefit a future partner, even if it is not for her. Focus on healing yourself rather than on winning her back in other words, and everything will fall into place as it should over time.

 

Good luck

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

You make alot of sense. Thank you for your reply. I know she may never come back, she is seeing someone else. But we still talk all of the time, and when we broke up, she said she would come back, when she sorted things out. I'm trying to change for myself and her, because I do still love her very much. I have learned alot from this relationship, so it wasn't a complete waste.

 

Everyone on here has great opinions... keep 'em coming!

[codaaurora]

I can tell you that I once dated someone, long ago, and called it off over the advice (bad advice too, but I didn't know it at the time) of some of his friends and mine.

 

I cared for him very much, but just didn't know if I was in love with him. There were some other issues as well, he was younger than I was, I was a freshman in college and he a senior in HS, not much difference but enough to make it hard as we worked in different circles and situations. So, I broke it off after almost a year. I instantly regretted it but thought I was doing what was right for him. He went to Europe for the summer and then stayed there to go to art school for his first year of University. I spoke with him after that, but have never seen him since.

 

I can tell you honestly, that looking back on it, the things that I broke up with him for I now realize as little, stupid things. We were happy together and I now realize that I was in love with him and I regret letting him go. I have thought about contacting him, alot actually. But never seem to get the nerve up to do it. He has his own life now and it's been so long that's he's probably married. Either way, I know that we are probably two very different people then we were back then.

 

But yes, to answer you question, we do look at the good times. It's when we talk to the person, still so close with emotions (on our part as well as theirs) that the negative things come up. But in the silence, in the night, when we are alone with our thoughts, we remember the good times and wonder "What if?".

 

Hope this helps.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Amazing reply, thank you so much.