I just do not know how to move on

[change1234]

Sorry for the long post but I am going crazy. My mind is not at ease and I am struggling to move on. I was with this guy for 3 years, we broke up a few times in-between but he would always come running back saying he did it for me because he did not have the energy to keep a relationship going and he couldn't love me the way i deserved but he will always come back. I always forgave him because there is so much beauty to him and I know there is a good soul there. He changed over night when he got diagnosed with sleep apnea and he was ruined for me. A year ago during one of his breaks he got together with another girl and slept with her. I refused to take him back but then we ran into each other on holiday (it felt like a sign) and he was crying promising me that if I took it all back he will make it up to me. I just wanted him to tell me he loved me and he was just like he can't. I still took him back and he really tried it was like I had the man I loved back. It was beautiful, he brought me flowers for my graduation, celebrated my birthday and made effort with dates. However, around october, novemberish he started a new job and was finishing off his final year. He became withdrawn and would not see me. However, he would still go out partying with friends but I was not a priority. I was furious and honestly i did nag him. December he started telling me he did not know what he wanted and he couldn't be in a relationship. I just took that as stress talking because he still tried and would ring me out of the blue and take me to lunch randomly. Come christmas time he ended up in hospital due to an ulcer and went sceptic. I was with him everyday when he was in hospital and saw him the day he came out. He was withdrawn and grumpy and the stopped sleeping well so he told me to stay away. 5 months late I have had little to no contact with him. One for him to tell me he was working on his anxiety and I should focus on myself. He is also now seeing another girl, I do not know for sure but it looks like it. It feels horrible and I do not know what to do. It feels like he never really cared and probably feel out of love ages ago. I just do not understand why he didn't let me go earlier, why he left without a proper exit and how do I move on? I am really struggling, I loved this guy unconditionally and I just got left. Three years of struggle, where does the love go? His love can not disappear just like that. Please help!

[Tinydance]

Sorry I'm super tired so excuse the short response but from what you're saying, I think actions speak louder than words. You didn't say much about your relationship at the start but I think the fact that he kept breaking up with you and even seeing other women in between probably means he wasn't that in love with you or that invested. It sounds to me like he was making a whole lot of excuses but the simple fact of the matter is if someone really loves you and wants you, they will not keep breaking up with you and even seeing other people. I think he just knew you'd always take him back and you'd be there for him no matter what and you were a "safe" option. I know you probably don't want to hear this because it hurts but maybe some bluntness from a total stranger could at least help you to start moving on. In future please don't waste your precious time and love on someone that treats you like this.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like there were chronic unresolved problems if this was on/off. It sounds like you need more from the relationship than he is ready willing or able to offer. Also you over-invested when he was clearly not in with both feet.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like the relationship ran it's course due to incompatibilities and vastly different needs and priorities. All you can do to heal is go no contact.

we broke up a few times in-between. he did it for me because he did not have the energy to keep a relationship going and he couldn't love me the way i deserved I just wanted him to tell me he loved me and he was just like he can't. he would still go out partying with friends but I was not a priority.December he started telling me he did not know what he wanted and he couldn't be in a relationship. He is also now seeing another girl

[No1]

He did let you go, in fact he left you several times and when things didn't work out for him, he came back to the one sure thing he had... YOU.

For the last few months of the relationship, he used you. When he slept with the other girl is when you should of said, have a nice life. Then he came back saying he was sorry and you believed him. Okay, so how do you move on?

 

I think you are in a part where you feel that after 3 years you should have something to show for your efforts. You struggled with this man, was there for him when he needed it and you have nothing after he left. I think you are waiting for your X to acknowledge your efforts. Then you asked how could his love disappear like that? He had emotionally left the relationship long before the relationship ended. His love didnt suddenly disappear, it was already gone. So how you move on it like this. You hold your head up high and you know that you were the best girlfriend you could of been. You treated him right and he didnt do the same for you. Realize that the relationship was one-way. You help him, fulfill his needs and then he will make you happy. I bet if you looked back, youll see that was true. I'm almost positive you were far more affectionate. You have to realize that he wasn't the one meant for you and now there is room in your heart and life for someone better. This guy didnt deserve you and even tho you had good times, its is over and you close that chapter and begin to start a new one.