Why do EX's ignore you entirely?

[LordRorek]

I have posted on here before about my ex. I have forgiven her for what she did to me during our break up (Although I am still working on forgiving her for how she disrespected my family during said break up.) She did send me one message apologizing for how cruel she was to me during the break up but when I replied, asking her why specifically she broke up with me (She never gave me a specific reason other than "I felt very confused for while and had to get my thoughts straight." to which I wonder "Confused about what?") she just stopped talking to me altogether.

 

I just don't get why? I mean it's not like I was harassing her or anything? I only sent the one reply saying and I quote "Thank you for your apology. May I ask why specifically you broke up with me? You never actually gave me a reason."

 

I just don't understand it? I mean if our positions were reversed I would try to answer all her questions to the best of my abilities. I would have stopped talking to her after having given her all my reasons/explanations on why/how the relationship ended and if she still persisted in trying to talk to me I would say very nicely.

 

"I am sorry but I need to heal and move on from our relationship and I can't do that if I am still in contact with you. So this will be my final message. Goodbye."

 

It's been a year since her last message to me and while I have sent her a couple in that time she has never replied to any of them.

 

It just seems extremely disrespectful to me, to leave someone you once loved hanging like that without at least saying "I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

[Dominique]

Sometimes you have to let go of understanding why someone did something and accept that you don't agree with it and it hurt you and move on knowing you may never get your answer.

 

It is a horrible reality....but sometimes asking why just makes you feel worse. You deserve to feel better. Try if you can to focus on doing things to make yourself feel better, not worse.

 

Sending you love and light.

[LordRorek]

Sometimes you have to let go of understanding why someone did something and accept that you don't agree with it and it hurt you and move on knowing you may never get your answer.

 

It is a horrible reality....but sometimes asking why just makes you feel worse. You deserve to feel better. Try if you can to focus on doing things to make yourself feel better, not worse.

 

Sending you love and light.

Thank you for your reply.

 

I am working on focusing on myself, I am trying to be happy everyday, I am working my hardest to forgive her, and I have accepted that I may never get the answers I seek.

 

This is more about me trying to sort out why someone would do this to someone else? It makes no sense to me?

 

I mean even her telling me "I don't want to talk to you anymore!" or not saying anything to me at all, would make some sense. But why open a dialog and then leave me hanging when I start asking questions?

 

It just seems cruel to me? Kinda like giving a starving man a crumb.

[maccerz]

Unfortunately just because it's something you would do doesn't mean it's something that someone else would.. life would be so much easier if everyone were straight forward and kind all the time but sadly that's just not the world we live in. I know it's not easy but the best thing you can do is stop asking these questions and begin trying to move on. Sometimes you just have to accept that certain people are not capable of giving you the closure you expect, and instead you have to try and create that closure within yourself. Very best of luck, it will slowly but surely start getting better, just give yourself some time

[J Miracle]

You probably dont want to know the real answer to this question. Its a waste of time and mental energy to grapple with untangling somebody Else's decisions/reasoning. Make up your own reason, make peace with reality, move forward.

[LordRorek]

Thank you for your reply.

 

I always want to know the real reason. Even if the truth is horrifying, I would always rather hear the truth over a lie.

 

I am working on my own closure, basically, it's that she was raised in a very selfish, cowardly, and controlling environment, so that is kinda all she knows.

 

She won't admit her reasons because she is too much of a coward to admit them or because of her controlling parents she is easily swayed by the people around her, so she is afraid that if she talks to me that she will somehow change her mind? Those are just my working theories though.

 

I am more curious about other people's opinions and experiences with these kinds of situations so as to better understand my own

[reinventmyself]

I think we already know the truth. Even if we don't want to admit it

[Jy1986usa]

I'm going through something similar in that I never got any closure. She just stopped talking to me and also never gave me a reason.

 

I have two theories of my own in which I think they do that.

 

1. They want to spare your feelings. It probably wasn't just one thing but multiple things. And they might feel the truth would hurt you. (For example what if she said something really hardcore like the sex was disappointing or she never loved you to begin with. Would you really want to know that?)

 

2. This more so applies to soon after a break up but by telling you where things went wrong the assumption might be on your part that you can fix those things. However they don't want to fix them. They're done. So there's no point in telling you.

 

It's messed up and I'm sorry but based on my own experience and reading posts on this site it's an all too common thing.

[Jy1986usa]

All the research I've done said closure is not important and often times you end up feeling even worse about the situation.

[LordRorek]

Thank you for your reply.

 

I will comment on your theories. This isn't a criticism against you or your theories but against the people who use these as reasons for their actions.

 

1. They want to spare your feelings. It probably wasn't just one thing but multiple things. And they might feel the truth would hurt you. (For example what if she said something really hardcore like the sex was disappointing or she never loved you to begin with. Would you really want to know that?)

While I see the logic behind this I feel it's a stupid reason. I would always want to know the truth because only armed with the truth can I make sure that this event is never repeated in the future.

 

Like if she never really loved me, to begin with then I would know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me or how I behaved in the relationship. Only that I need to make sure my partners really do love me before getting emotionally invested in the future.

 

Even if they are trying to spare your feelings then not telling you anything isn't making you feel any better or heal any faster. A better solution is to tell the truth in as nice a way as possible. Like instead of "I never really loved you in the first place." they could say "I thought I was in love with you but I was mistaken and it's not fair to you to be with someone who doesn't really love you the way you deserve."

 

2. This more so applies to soon after a breakup but by telling you where things went wrong the assumption might be on your part that you can fix those things. However, they don't want to fix them. They're done. So there's no point in telling you.

Again not saying anything isn't making you feel any better or helping you heal so they should just be honest and kill any hope you have that the relationship will continue or as you so elequently put it "they don't want to fix them. They're done.".

[Jy1986usa]

I see where you're coming from but again it's not important. You may think it is but it's not. What matters is they ended it and it's over. I also can't believe someone I used to be so close with would turn so cold. But they do.

 

And from your standpoint there's no reason for her to "officially" tell you she's done talking to you. You know it. She hasn't replied in over a year. That tells you all you need to know.

 

It sucks man. I know. But let it go.

[Hollyj]

I have posted on here before about my ex. I have forgiven her for what she did to me during our break up (Although I am still working on forgiving her for how she disrespected my family during said break up.) She did send me one message apologizing for how cruel she was to me during the break up but when I replied, asking her why specifically she broke up with me (She never gave me a specific reason other than "I felt very confused for while and had to get my thoughts straight." to which I wonder "Confused about what?") she just stopped talking to me altogether.

 

I just don't get why? I mean it's not like I was harassing her or anything? I only sent the one reply saying and I quote "Thank you for your apology. May I ask why specifically you broke up with me? You never actually gave me a reason."

 

I just don't understand it? I mean if our positions were reversed I would try to answer all her questions to the best of my abilities. I would have stopped talking to her after having given her all my reasons/explanations on why/how the relationship ended and if she still persisted in trying to talk to me I would say very nicely.

 

"I am sorry but I need to heal and move on from our relationship and I can't do that if I am still in contact with you. So this will be my final message. Goodbye."

 

It's been a year since her last message to me and while I have sent her a couple in that time she has never replied to any of them.

 

It just seems extremely disrespectful to me, to leave someone you once loved hanging like that without at least saying "I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

 

Dude, it is time to move on!!!!

[oap81]

If she really loved you she wouldn't treat you like that. Sadly that's the reality of it.

[AutumnBorn]

I understand your desire to know and maybe I can point you in a direction that could give you some answers. This book:

 

Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships

 

It's a sociology, not relationship, book, and it was invaluable to me when my ex and I split. It gave me answers he couldn't give and, ultimately, was key in helping me recover.

[Dominique]

Thank you for your reply.

 

I am working on focusing on myself, I am trying to be happy everyday, I am working my hardest to forgive her, and I have accepted that I may never get the answers I seek.

 

This is more about me trying to sort out why someone would do this to someone else? It makes no sense to me?

 

I mean even her telling me "I don't want to talk to you anymore!" or not saying anything to me at all, would make some sense. But why open a dialog and then leave me hanging when I start asking questions?

 

It just seems cruel to me? Kinda like giving a starving man a crumb.

 

I understand. It doesn't make sense to you or to me. Most likely because we wouldn't treat someone that way.

 

Some people are just mean. Some people can't take the post break up conversations so they just bail on communication altogether.

 

She's immature and for whatever reason can't communicate with you openly now that your relationship is over. You may never get the real reason from her as to why she cut the dialogue. But my guess is this, she immature and selfish and a coward.

[LordRorek]

Dude, it is time to move on!!!!

 

You know that is a completely unfair and crappy thing to say.

 

I know you're trying to help but I have come a long way since she broke my heart after 6 1/2 years together. I have had to claw myself out of the depths of misery and only in the last 4 or 5 months have I started to feel somewhat normal again.

 

This was my first serious relationship, my first love, my first broken heart, and my first recovery from a heartbreak.

 

So I ask that you not be so critical and judgemental of me or my life because I am certain there were moments when you took a lot longer than your peers to get somewhere.

[LordRorek]

I understand your desire to know and maybe I can point you in a direction that could give you some answers. This book:

 

Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships

 

It's a sociology, not relationship, book, and it was invaluable to me when my ex and I split. It gave me answers he couldn't give and, ultimately, was key in helping me recover.

Thank you very much for your advice. I will definitely check out the book.

[LordRorek]

I see where you're coming from but again it's not important. You may think it is but it's not. What matters is they ended it and it's over. I also can't believe someone I used to be so close with would turn so cold. But they do.

 

And from your standpoint there's no reason for her to "officially" tell you she's done talking to you. You know it. She hasn't replied in over a year. That tells you all you need to know.

 

It sucks man. I know. But let it go.

Again I am not looking for the reason why "She" did this to me because I have accepted that she won't talk to me and I may never ger the answer I seek.

 

I am wondering why "People" in general do this kind of thing. Which is why I am asking for your opinions/experiences so that I can better understand my own.

[HeartGoesOn]

I am wondering why "People" in general do this kind of thing. Which is why I am asking for your opinions/experiences so that I can better understand my own.

 

I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, but this is one of those questions that can't be answered in the "one size fits all" category. Also, I'm sure it's easier said than done, but closure comes from within.

 

At any rate, I hope you find your way...

[LordRorek]

Thank you. I know this question isn't easily answered but I thought other people's perspectives might help me with my own closure, which is exactly why I'm here. LOL

[Jy1986usa]

I agree. There is no easy answer. But if you want my opinion which I admit right now isn't objective as I'm still reeling from my break up I'll give it to you in three words. Women are evil!

 

Theres a whole thread on my page that explains why I feel this way (my last post) with plenty of different opinions. Check it out! It's pretty interesting.

 

Sorry ladies but stop doing this kind of crap to us. You have no idea how soul crushing it is.

[dakun]

Heyyy it's really really similar with my story.. you know.. I feel better he did this to me.. so I don't doubt that he's not the one.. We even already planned a wedding.. first 2 months of break-up I though maybe he'll realize he's wrong and come back.. but after multiple time been feeling like a trash that he didn't want to meet my face for the last time, or he didn't answer my message for closure.. and multiple times of feeling disrespected.. I feel glad I know the 'real' him before it's too late.. And I definitely don't want to be with him ever again.. We can't know someone that deep that we can say we know anything about them.. some people just like that, nice in one day (or years) then they become jerk..

[dakun]

Hai Jy1986usa, I think it's not gender based.. I also heard many storied men don't have the courage to end things and vanished (or cheat) so the girlfriend will do the break up.. Mine do that.. My mom experienced it several times before met my Dad.. So I think it's just immaturity thing.. Immature people act immature..

[LordRorek]

Heyyy it's really really similar with my story.. you know.. I feel better he did this to me.. so I don't doubt that he's not the one.. We even already planned a wedding.. first 2 months of break-up I though maybe he'll realize he's wrong and come back.. but after multiple time been feeling like a trash that he didn't want to meet my face for the last time, or he didn't answer my message for closure.. and multiple times of feeling disrespected.. I feel glad I know the 'real' him before it's too late.. And I definitely don't want to be with him ever again.. We can't know someone that deep that we can say we know anything about them.. some people just like that, nice in one day (or years) then they become jerk..

 

Yeah I am atleast feeling grateful it happened now and not 10 years from now. In hindsight I know we would never have worked, I am extremely brave and selfless (Not to toot my own horn or anything. LOL) and she is extremely cowardly and selfish. I just wish I could have gotten the dignity and repect I deserved but I have accepted that she is never going to give that to me or my family for what ever reason.

 

What I ultimately learned from her is that, only at thier absolute worst do people reveal thier true colors.

 

The woman who was yelling at me while my mother was in serious condition at the hospital is who she really is, not woman who was loving, kind, and caring to me.

[LordRorek]

I agree. There is no easy answer. But if you want my opinion which I admit right now isn't objective as I'm still reeling from my break up I'll give it to you in three words. Women are evil!

 

Theres a whole thread on my page that explains why I feel this way (my last post) with plenty of different opinions. Check it out! It's pretty interesting.

 

Sorry ladies but stop doing this kind of crap to us. You have no idea how soul crushing it is.

 

Sorry but I think it's kind of sexist and illogical to say that all women suck. I mean you have a good and loving mom or sister right? Then your logic that women are evil must be incorrect. Because if one or two women are good and loving than your "Theory" that "women are evil" must not be 100% accurate.