So confused not sure what to think

[freefirefly]

My bf asked for space it's been over 3 weeks. He messages me at least once a day. Yet he's to tired and can't see me in person to talk. He also said yesterday he didn't know if it was over yet or not. I said I'll wait a bit longer.

He still needed space. he said in another week he would try hard to talk. I'm an emotional wreck as he's playing with my emotions and stringing me along. I went to bed not hearing from him mush yesterday. I was thinking its over. Then he sends me an ecard. Saying. You are the best thing in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you for coming into my life and making it special in your own way. I messaged him back. Saying so why are we apart? Ugh I'm so lost in all of this. It's truly slowly been killing me

[jujusamples]

There is a difference between truly needing space and abusing the "space" to play mind games. Why is he messaging you everyday if he was the one that wanted the space? Generally, space means just that and there is usually a set time frame on when you should speak again. Staying in touch everyday is not really space.

 

I say you just give him a time and you stick to it. You can't keep sitting there waiting forever and not know what's going on. At least if you set a date to talk, then you have somewhat of an idea of what's going on. You already given him his space, so it's time for you to put your foot down.

[MissCanuck]

Why did he ask for space?

[freefirefly]

There is a difference between truly needing space and abusing the "space" to play mind games. Why is he messaging you everyday if he was the one that wanted the space? Generally, space means just that and there is usually a set time frame on when you should speak again. Staying in touch everyday is not really space.

 

I say you just give him a time and you stick to it. You can't keep sitting there waiting forever and not know what's going on. At least if you set a date to talk, then you have somewhat of an idea of what's going on. You already given him his space, so it's time for you to put your foot down.

 

Yes I don't understand this at all. My emotions are all over the place. Thank you for your reply. Yes will chat soon I'm at least a week when he's off next. I kinda think he's waiting to see what his councling lady suggests. Yet idk. I'll probably cave if he doesn't text just to see what's up. He can't just send me this and not have me message him

[freefirefly]

Why did he ask for space?

 

Honestly I think life was getting so overwhelming. I had lots of stress with my daughter. She was struggling with extreme anxiety I had to bring her home from college. I think he felt in the way but he wasn't. Left out maybe some to. Yet my kids have to come first especially with this. He was such a huge support to me. His work was also going threw major changes and he feared he lose his job. Life just getting back to normal. Was starting to when he needed space. It's just his comments are he's not sure what the future will be. I feel like a piece of string that he keeps dangling. It certainly has affected me mentally and physically. Yet I still love and want him.

[MissCanuck]

But what did he actually say was the reason he wanted space?

[freefirefly]

But what did he actually say was the reason he wanted space?

 

Not 100% sure. He won't tell me. All I know is my daughter was going threw anxiety To the point she had to move home from college. Controlled me. Yet with her like this I had to be there for her as I didn't want to lose her. I tried to be there for him. It affected us. But she was just starting to get help starting a job and slowly moving back out. Things were falling back into place when he decided to stop take space. His job also was highly stressed he wasn't sure if they were going to close or not. He's high in the company so it's better. They cut other departments. He's ok. But his job has new things added and a lot is on his shoulders. So now he's still stressed about that. I know so much but don't get why. Just when we were able to get time for us it's like he shut down. Now created another issue. As Idk I feel he abandoned me and I struggle as he knows in my past I've been hurt to many times. Not sure if we can get back where we were. But we both were so happy. Never fought we just click so well. Living 1/2 apart sucks. I have a younger son so it's not easy. But I'm unable to work so I have lots of time. At least it use to help with his work schedule and the kids. He's seeing a councling lady. So I kinda think he's waiting to see what she says. He doesn't wanna make a decision till then. That's how I feel. Seems so far away. Lost in all this.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's really a breakup. Do not allow yourself to be put in a holding pattern while someone is clearing walking out of the relationship. Stop waiting around, it's over.

 

The mixed messages are to keep you on the back burner while he plays the field and to make himself look like a nice guy who is "confused" rather than wants out. Go no contact. You say you were on/off for years?

My bf asked for space it's been over 3 weeks. He also said yesterday he didn't know if it was over yet or not.

[freefirefly]

Unfortunately it's really a breakup. Do not allow yourself to be put in a holding pattern while someone is clearing walking out of the relationship. Stop waiting around, it's over.

 

The mixed messages are to keep you on the back burner while he plays the field and to make himself look like a nice guy who is "confused" rather than wants out. Go no contact. You say you were on/off for years?

 

Thank you. Your right I believe he's dragging his feet. I messaged him

tonight saying he giving me way to mixed messages. Tells me he loves me and doesn't want to live without me. Then won't talk to me. So I said We need to set a date to talk. So I can move forward. Then he never answered me for hours. That's fine gives me a real picture of who he is now. I guess I'll know more by the weekend. He's not who I feel in love with. The guy I did wouldn't do this to me. Sad. So now it's time for me to find me again. This is the Last place I didn't think I'd be. Now I need to figure out why I keep falling for such jerks. I give them my heart sole did all I could for them always. Yet I'm the one that gets swished like a bug

[HeartGoesOn]

You're giving him way too much power, (imo). I think he feels he has you over a barrel, simply because he senses your fear of losing him. With that being said, this doesn't fit the bill of someone who claims to love you/can't live without you, etc.

 

In short, standing up and respecting yourself does wonders for your self-esteem. Don't settle for scrapes, you deserve better.

[freefirefly]

You're giving him way too much power, (imo). I think he feels he has you over a barrel, simply because he senses your fear of losing him. With that being said, this doesn't fit the bill of someone who claims to love you/can't live without you, etc.

 

In short, standing up and respecting yourself does wonders for your self-esteem. Don't settle for scrapes, you deserve better.

 

I know. We chatted and Friday will talk. He said he cares and I'm his best friend. I don't feel that way. So I tried to block him on fb but only me I face timed him. Ugh he called back. We chatted like normal and he ended up saying I love you. Night sweetie. Ugh. So I guess I can't block him. There goes the carrot again. Friggin grrr why. Wish I didn't love him like I do. I know I deserve better. So if he doesn't message me at all tomorrow he's being blocked. Maybe he will see how it feels to be on the other side. Idk. Ugh

[catfeeder]

If a lover asked me for space, I'd give it and focus on my own life. However, after a couple weeks, I'd stop responding to his contact without feeling a need to explain myself.

 

What I would NOT do is ask him for a decision or a 'talk'. I'd move forward 'as if' he's a done deal. If he ever decides that he wants back in, then that's on him to convey to me, but I certainly wouldn't meet for a talk unless and until he's conveyed that he wants in. Otherwise, I'm not going to meet someone who's already walked away for a breakup. He can keep that 'stuff' to himself.

[freefirefly]

If a lover asked me for space, I'd give it and focus on my own life. However, after a couple weeks, I'd stop responding to his contact without feeling a need to explain myself.

 

What I would NOT do is ask him for a decision or a 'talk'. I'd move forward 'as if' he's a done deal. If he ever decides that he wants back in, then that's on him to convey to me, but I certainly wouldn't meet for a talk unless and until he's conveyed that he wants in. Otherwise, I'm not going to meet someone who's already walked away for a breakup. He can keep that 'stuff' to himself.

 

I wish I had your strength. I need to get my things from his place. As we never broke up just was him needing space. But for me. He's not wanting me no matter what he been saying. He's played with my emotions and I'm needing to let him go. This week I'm focusing on letting him go. As truly someone who loves you doesn't do this to you. So when he officially says it's over. I'll be fine with it on Friday. At least in his eyes. I just need to let go. So I can have the strength so he truly can't see how devastated I am. It's hard losing your true best friend and lover. I had just told him I knew he's the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Weeks before the space. He told me the same. So I'm still stunned. But learning I'm better off alone then be abandoned and treated like I am.

[freefirefly]

Thank you I ended things as he's depressed and lost himself but wants to still be friends. I'm worth then the way I've been treated. New journey ahead. Thank you for all your help threw this. Now to find me and be single ugh

[Wiseman2]

Excellent you pulled the plug. Moving forward comes from your decisions, not his.

I said We need to set a date to talk. So I can move forward.