eclipsofthehea Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 so my fiance told me last month he couldn't do this anynore, too much stress, and problems with his health, stress at work, anyway, he ended things on good terms told him I respected the fact he wanted to fix himself as he put it, he asked me to keep in touch and I told him I would, i didn't text him for 4 days to give him space, he text and asked me why I wasn't texting like I said I would, I told him I was giving him space and he said I needed to text more, I told him it goes both ways , so for about 5 wks I checked in on him , then I found out he still has his dating profile up, so I went nuts, text him told him he was a liar and everything about him was a lie, and he was fake, he didn't keep any of the promises he made in the 2 yrs we were together, 2 wks before he broke up he looked me and my son in the eyes and told us he would leave, he always puts himself down. I was never clingy he always looked for some kind of validation, I always complimented him , he would tell me I'm blind , I treated him very well and now I'm beating myself up because I feel bad for calling him a liar and fake, because that was so out of character for me to do something like that, I'm so hurt and if anyone can tell me do you think he would ever forgive me for saying that, I love this man so much , he was so amazing but the last 4 months he started pulling away I even got the silent treatment a couple of times and had no idea why , I also want to know if I don't apologize if he will ever talk to me again, I appreciate all advice , please no bashing Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Unfortunately it sounds like he didn't want to take it further and used the 'need space' excuse. Don't beat yourself up. Was he on dating site the last 4 mos? He wanted to date around and "stay friends" but that's nonsense and you called him on it. Go no contact to sort this out.so my fiance told me last month he couldn't do this anynore, too much stress, and problems with his health, stress at work. I found out he still has his dating profile up. the last 4 months he started pulling away I even got the silent treatment a couple of times and had no idea why. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Sorry but personally I believe that his excuse is extremely lame. As a human being we are always growing, improving and go through things in life. Once you get married and have a family, stress doesn't magically disappear, other stresses pop up. He isn't committed to you and never will be, people who care about each other, work things out together, they don't just bail. Link to comment
eclipsofthehea Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 he told me he deleted it , idk if its active or not , but even if it's not he still lied , but I feel like i should apologize for calling him out Link to comment
eclipsofthehea Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 I agree with you, do you think I should apologize for calling him out , I'm wondering if I will ever hear from him again , because idk how I will handle that, I haven't said anything to him in 2wks since I called him out , and he never said a word after I did Link to comment
Dominique Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 One day u may get the chance to apologize and so will he. But as far as I'm concerned, you don't owe him anything. He left you. Leave him alone. Let him sort out his crap. Decide what you really want and do not settle for anything less. He can forgive you without an apology and you can forgive him without one too. Don't get caught up on details like you "calling him out". He deserved that. Leave it alone. Don't say anything else to him unless he comes back with EXACTLY WHAT U WANT. and then let him show you over time.... Meanwhile, process this as the end. Work on yourself. Get stronger. And move on. I wish u love and light and I am truly sorry you are in pain. Link to comment
eclipsofthehea Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I'm trying to heal , thank you so much for responding, I know who I am and I love who I am , I have boundaries and he crossed them, I just don't understand why I'm letting this thing about an apology bother me so much , I know it's him, he's got very low self esteem and guys like that cannot be dealt with they refuse to communicate Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 'still has his dating profile up'? I thought he's your 'fience'? he always puts himself down. I was never clingy he always looked for some kind of validation, I always complimented him , he would tell me I'm blind , I treated him very well - well, you said he needs to work on himself.. I think I agree. I think is best to NOT be texting with him anymore.... but go No contact. Don't 'give him' what he wants ( saying YOU should be texting him more.. or still)... No. You are NOT involved with him anymore.. You owe him Nothing! if he'll ever talk to you again? Im not sure what you did wrong? he's the one who pulled away... his choice- let him go. I know.. it's hard, but you need to respect yourself now... work on getting back to YOU again. NC is the way to do so. Link to comment
Dominique Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I'm trying to heal , thank you so much for responding, I know who I am and I love who I am , I have boundaries and he crossed them, I just don't understand why I'm letting this thing about an apology bother me so much , I know it's him, he's got very low self esteem and guys like that cannot be dealt with they refuse to communicate You want to apologize because you love him. Your feelings are sincere. That's why you want to heal the hurt you feel you caused. HOWEVER, where is YOUR APOLOGY???? He owes you an apology for leaving you, making unreasonable demand after a break up and then being on dating sites.... All those things are a HORRIBLE way to treat someone you "claim" to love. One day ....apologies can be said. You will have a chance. But not at the expense of YOURSELF. He's selfish. He can't hear a true apology from you now anyway. Leave him alone. Link to comment
eclipsofthehea Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I'm 100% no contact and yes his profile is still up Link to comment
eclipsofthehea Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 I just don't like hurting people, but I agree with you and I'm thankful for this site, I'm 100% no contact and will stay that way ,thank you for your input it's helping me stay my course Link to comment
Dominique Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I just don't like hurting people, but I agree with you and I'm thankful for this site, I'm 100% no contact and will stay that way ,thank you for your input it's helping me stay my course I understand. I'm the same way. Trust me. U will get your chance to apologize. Wait for it....... And let HIM apologize first. Until he does that, you don't owe him anything. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 He bailed on you and your child, and still has his dating profile up, and you are hoping to receive forgiveness. What !?!?!? Also, why in the hell were giving him the benefit of a relationship, when he has left the relationship? You should have been NC. Girl, stop being a doormat and find a man you can rely on, and that respects you! Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 You need to work on your self-esteem, OP. Link to comment
Knight2001 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 hi, so sorry to hear this tale. what was he doing on a dating site when he's engaged? i dont understand. you're well rid of him. ou have your son so concentrate on him and yourself. it will help you in the healing process. stay NC in this case and good luck. Link to comment
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