Wife's Facebook 😘 Blowing kiss emoji

[Srrlgr]

Srrigr, affairs happen.

Tomorrow, millions of broken men will stand in a courtroom wondering how in the world they got there.

 

How has the marriage been in the past few years? Did she say anything negitive about you or the marriage? Any mention of regrets, etc.

 

In meantime:

Secretly purchase James Dobson's "Love must be tough" (Never let her see this book)

 

The marriage has been average to good the past couple years. Just the natural ups and downs. She definitely does not want to end the marriage. I have no doubt about that. However, I just can't help but think she did something with the guy. She has mentioned in the past she found him attractive. That is not abnormal, as we do share such thoughts with each other. We were friends before we got together. When putting everything together I just have a hard time finding it is all innocent.

[Srrlgr]

A kiss emoji? I like it sweet and salty? Really now...I would be suspicious too. I send kiss emoji's to my boyfriend only. I would never send one to a friend. A girlfriend yes, but not a guy friend. I don't think it's appropriate.

 

 

[Lester]

She txted this to him:

"...thanks for the crackers and cookies you left on my desk. You know I like sweet and salty."

 

Which is urban slang for:

]

 

If so, it's a full-blown sexual affair.

 

If true, there can be only a few explanations to what led to it:

 

1. You were never compatible, or your marriage was forced or illicit.

2. You were compatible and loving at first but something happened. Neglect?

3. Your wife is not the marrying type. (To be kind)

[Srrlgr]

Yes I would guess it was during a period where I was not as attentive to her and her needs as I should have been.

[Srrlgr]

Now she just told me that we are both invited to his wedding this summer. I said well that will be awkward, for you. She said cut it out. This should be interesting.

[Lester]

Srrigr, keep this in mind when you read what I write: My main reason for being here on Ena is to help husbands save their marriages. (That is, if it was/is a marriage in the first place.)

 

"I said well that will be awkward, for you."

- Weakness. Silence would have been more appropriate.

 

"She said cut it out. This should be interesting."

- To which you should have replied: The only 'out' I'm interested in is how to get you out, and to stay out.

[Lester]

Do you really want to be married to her? If so, do you understand what marriage is? (Very important!)

 

Did you start reading Dobson?

 

First Aid:

- Have you ever had an undisturbed, one on one talk with her about her infidelity?

- If not, start planning it.

[Srrlgr]

I have not started reading Dobson, yet. Also, when I had a one on one, it appeared like it caught her off guard and she completely denied anything happened. I did not holler or call names. It was a civil conversation. Should I try again? Different technique? Just drop it? I am the type that needs to know, good, bad or indifferent.

[Lester]

Should I try again?

- It depends. If the "talk" was direct and to the point; NO. If the "talk" was poorly planed, weak, and fearful; Maybe.

 

While having the "talk":

Denial is normal and to be expected. It's how she reacted, her eyes, anger, etc., that are the answers to your questions.

When you asked her specific question, such as, ["are you having an affair with this guy?"], how did she react?

 

 

btw, Don't think you know what "Tough Love" is. Pop Culture has been watering down Dobson's TL, (the creator of), for years.

TL is not about anger, counselors and blowing a lot of money.

 

It's about you!

 

Get him ASAP!

[Unreasonable]

]

That COULD be coincidence you know. I have heard of it for personality types. I've never heard of it used that way, and I'm sure a lot of other people haven't either, I mean c'mon, it has two downvotes and no upvotes. Contrast this to say, DTF, which has 8986 upvotes for the highest rated definition and 84 total definitions.

 

The fact of the matter is OP, you sound pretty nosy, paranoid, and you've given us no reason why you would get that way. Has your wife cheated on you on the past?

[Srrlgr]

She has not cheated on me in the past and I agree that I am nosy and potentially this is just my own paranoia. Hence reaching out on a message board for objective views. This is her second marriage and she has described how she did sleep with others in her first marriage. However, her first marriage only lasted 1 year. We have been together for 14 years with 2 kids. When I asked about this guy she said nothing happene, I am married and he is engaged.

[Lester]

Srrigr, rarely, (after years of), do cheaters admit to anything. The victims have to look. Don't spend too much time fretting over that.

 

Was one of those "others" you?

Even if not, it's bad...

 

Try as he/she might, the leopard rarely change it's spots.

[Srrlgr]

I was not one of the others.

[Unreasonable]

Well, I personally wouldn't marry someone who had cheated in a previous marriage, but you did, so I assume you accepted that when you got into this. Did you know beforehand?

 

Also, is this "shared facebook account" to keep you on your best behavior, or is that a coincidence?

[tattoobunnie]

One off, tell her to not tell you when she finds anyone other than a famous movie star, attractive. You obviously can't handle it. That's okay, either can I.

 

Two, if some guy cleaned off my car and his other co-workers' cars, you betcha he should be given crackers for his birthday.

 

Three, my girl pals send me kiss emojis all the time. In fact, I sometimes send ones to my husband, that I have no idea what they are. I just click on something I think is fun.

 

Four, have you been having sex on the regular, or was it really six weeks ago, and you two don't talk about why it's so rare lately?

 

Five, stop focusing on the emoji, check in with your wife. GO ON DATES!!!!! Romance her. Stop being so complacent.

 

Six, communication is key. If you saw something that bothered you, ask her about it, and what it meant. Let her know what your boundaries are, this way is doesn't start to boil under your skin to the point you think she's shacking up with a co-worker.

 

Seven, send her some emojis that are fun.

 

Eight, unless she's a total moron, she's not emailing her lover with a shared account. I think you just need to really go and talk about how your feeling and why.

[Srrlgr]

Well, I personally wouldn't marry someone who had cheated in a previous marriage, but you did, so I assume you accepted that when you got into this. Did you know beforehand?

 

Also, is this "shared facebook account" to keep you on your best behavior, or is that a coincidence?

 

I did know beforehand.

[Lester]

Can't say I like what I'm hearing.

 

Read Dobson soon!

He will teach why appeasement never works.

[hyden]

There seems to be some confusion about an important point of this story. She did not give him cookies and crackers. Several posts seems to have this confused. He gave her the cookies and crackers. She then replied with the assumed sexual innuendo regarding sweet and salty. Now that we have that cleared up, carry on...

 

Oh also, for Lester, she didn't say this out to be interesting, OP did.

 

OP - 14 years, 2 kids, you are both invited to the guys wedding; chances are they flirt a bit, but there is a good chance it isn't anything else. Although deleted texts does make one wonder. However, I recommend finding ways to bring trust back to the marriage. You may need counseling with her.

[Srrlgr]

You are correct I said this should be interesting. However, she gave him the cookies and crackers not for his birthday some time before and he sent the text, thanks you know how I like sweet and salty.

 

I agree maybe I am being paranoid. I think I'm just going to ask her if, we each could have a free pass, hook up, would she take it.

[Lester]

"I think I'm just going to ask her if, we each could have a free pass, hook up, would she take it."

- Why would you do that?

[Wiseman2]

No don't play games. Agree it's your insecurity from when you were slacking.

 

What's your evidence? An emoji, a thanks for a snack and she was "loose" during sex? Do you think he stretched her out, seriously?

 

You need to step up and bring the romance back rather than play games. Get to marriage counselling. Go alone first.

I think I'm just going to ask her if, we each could have a free pass, hook up, would she take it.

[tattoobunnie]

My hubby and I love salted caramel. That's sweet and salty. That isn't code for some kind of sexual innuendo.

 

Saying "if, we each could have a free pass, hook up, would she take it." is the equivalent of saying to her you no longer think she's good enough, and is a "Ho" who wants to run around town on you. Don't ever say that.

 

Granted, this could all be about you deflecting because you fancy someone else instead.

[Unreasonable]

I just checked facebook behavior. I cannot detect private message deletion on the activity log. Only wall posts. I think she thought better about using that emoji for the whole world to see which is why she deleted it.

 

I think there's probably a bit of an infatuation going on there. I don't think you have any more "proof" than that. If you're going to confront somebody, I think you need a bit more ammunition than that, because people doing something wrong typically deny unless confronted with irrefutable proof, and even then sometimes the'll keep going. It will also put her guard up and cause her to go underground if something actually IS going on.

 

As another poster said, she'd have to be an idiot to purposefully post something deliberately inappropriate on a shared account. There are TONS of ways nowadays for non-idiots to communicate surreptitiously if they want to.

 

I wouldn't assume it's cheating, but I wouldn't assume it's totally innocent either. Keep your radar up, watch for cheating red flags (these can usually be seen without snooping).

[Srrlgr]

I just checked facebook behavior. I cannot detect private message deletion on the activity log. Only wall posts. I think she thought better about using that emoji for the whole world to see which is why she deleted it.

 

I think there's probably a bit of an infatuation going on there. I don't think you have any more "proof" than that. If you're going to confront somebody, I think you need a bit more ammunition than that, because people doing something wrong typically deny unless confronted with irrefutable proof, and even then sometimes the'll keep going. It will also put her guard up and cause her to go underground if something actually IS going on.

 

As another poster said, she'd have to be an idiot to purposefully post something deliberately inappropriate on a shared account. There are TONS of ways nowadays for non-idiots to communicate surreptitiously if they want to.

 

I wouldn't assume it's cheating, but I wouldn't assume it's totally innocent either. Keep your radar up, watch for cheating red flags (these can usually be seen without snooping).

 

The biggest thing that started my paranoia was that she deleted that she posted the message from her Facebook history. Again, so what? Except no other messages that she sent were deleted, including like 8 from that day and no other activity is deleted. Only that message. Yes, she posted it on his page but you have to go onto his page and then look through all of his Birthday messages to find it.

 

If it was only the message "happy birthday, friend 😘, I would have thought nothing of it.

 

Maybe I am off base and will accept it, if that is the consensus. That is why I reached out.

[Unreasonable]

If she deleted a public post it was because she thought better of it imo. She decided it could be taken the wrong way. You've never typed out a post then thought, "nah, that's too....." before? I do. A lot. In fact I probably edit every post here like 5 times before I am satisfied with it and that's for perfect strangers.