Wife with best friend fantasy. . .It is normal?

[dinohunter_66]

My wife for the first time in 19 years of marriage went and had a small indiscretion with my best friend. She told me about it and I asked her if she liked it. She said that she enjoyed their time together very much and that the fact that he is attracted to her is a real boost to her confidence. She is very beautiful with all the right curves but has never been very confident no matter how much I tell her – until now. She really enjoys flirting with him and getting the second opinion on her beauty.

 

When she first told me, I was crushed to learn what had happened – but now the thought of the two of them together, turns me on. She and I now openly talk about her furthering her sexual relationship with my friend. Is my fantasy normal? What is the stem of my fantasy? Anybody with any help??

[kskm]

Whoa. You might think that you will like it, but I guarentee that you will reget it. Any girl feels good about themselves when they here that they are still desired by the opposite sex, besides their partner.

[heloladies21]

If it's OK for your wife to sleep with other men, then why even stay married? You can't give me one reason that I will accept.

[kskm]

Exactly

[DN]

Dump the "best friend" and tell your wife you want to make your marriage work as it should. Get counseling if necessary but get rid of the friend and the fantasy - bad combination. Personally, I would get rid of wife as well, because I don't accept it as a 'small indiscretion' but that is your choice.

[terrible]

Everyone has their own opinions. I've browsed this site through and through many times and a continuing trend i'm seeing is very streight people juging others that are genuinely good people that are open enough to enjoy life and experiment and try new things. I think the fact that you and your wife have been together for so long without any MAJOR almost divorse type conflicts, i personaly think it's cool that you and your wife openly communicate with eachother about trying new things. She is willing to talk to you openly about it, and it -seems- you guys have a relitively good relationship with eachother. I think if it does it for you, and it does it for her and you are all comfortable with it then talk about it some more then as long as you are all confident with your feelings for eachother, and trust eachother, i think it could be a bit of spice to add to your marriage, if your confident she isn't going to turn around and ask for a divorece the next day.. i would say it's better to try these new experiencves out together and both enjoy it, then to keep your feelings bottled up.

[Morky]

Hey dinohunter_66 ,

 

I know what you mean. I have had the same fantasies of my wife doing other guys. I just attribute it to some kinda twisted turn on. If you are comfortable with it I see nothing wrong with it so long as a rubber is used. Also over time maybe they will let you watch or video it for future entertainment.

[DN]

Everyone has their own opinions. I've browsed this site through and through many times and a continuing trend i'm seeing is very streight people juging others that are genuinely good people that are open enough to enjoy life and experiment and try new things. .

 

I have also seen a trend of people saying 'don't judge'. The problem with that is that when people post asking for advice that advice has to be based on judgment. The poster is free to take the advice or not.

[terrible]

In response to DN's post .. i agree that it is the readers decision to take or leave what ever anyone posts here, i was mearly making an observation. Another observation i see growing is people debating other peoples posts when they are totally irrellevant to the original persons post... but hey i never said i wasn't a hypocrite.

 

 

 

 

Good luck with what ever choice you go with.. fantasys are fun.

[justsweetgirl]

I think if your wife had disclosed her attraction for your friend first, I would feel less uneasy. Then the two of you could have discussed it and you may have realized the thought of her with another man is a turn on. You have been married a long time and know each other better than anyone. Yet this man's attention means more to her than yours. Why? She was unfaithful. What if feeling crushed was all you felt? She did something knowing it would devastate you. She wasn't thinking of you. She wanted an ego boost. There are many ways to accomplish that without a betrayal.

[Iceman26]

I agree with justasweetgirl, your wife was selfish and putting her own insecurities before the welfare of the marriage. Your marriage cant be that great if your wife cheated on you with your best friend without telling you first.

 

What about your best friend? Obviously if he would sleep with his buddy's wife, he isnt a very good best friend, now is he?

 

I also agree with heloladies21. There isnt a point to being married if you are going to share your wife with someone else. A marriage is a union between a man and wife, not man, wife, and mans best friend.

[dinohunter_66]

I appreciate all your comments. She and I had an open discussion and decided to keep everything in house. We decided to work more on spicing our relationship together, other than let a third person come into the relationship, howbeit exciting that may seem. We both realize that in the end that only hurt will probably come from it and nothing worthwhile will be gained. We have a very healthy sexual relationship – 50 times since Jan 1, 2005 (really), and we want to keep it going that way. Hers was just a slip – no one is perfect. . .We plan to pick up where we left off and let the fun continue. . .Again, thanks for all your advice.

 

Cheers,

Dinohunter

[zerohalo]

Everyone has their own opinions. I've browsed this site through and through many times and a continuing trend i'm seeing is very streight people juging others that are genuinely good people that are open enough to enjoy life and experiment and try new things.

 

I couldn't agree with you more. I'm not sure what's happened over the last month or so, but there seems to be less tolerance and helpful advice, and more judging. It sucks.

 

Kudos to you and your wife talking things out. I know I wouldn't have been as forgiving as you were, but that's cause I'm me and you're you. I'm glad that you two have been able to turn this into a positive experience, and I think it's probably smart that you both recognize that maybe bringing in a third person could just make things more complicated. You could have run the risk of losing your wife and your best friend.

 

But hey, the subject has been brought up. Maybe one day you two will be able to build on this experience and feel comfortable and confident enough to pursue it.

[littlelissa23]

I've had a friend in a similar situation in which they actually ended up having a threesome. The problem is, they both had feelings for the woman and they couldn't remain friends after that.

 

If you're into swinging, which is basically what you're referring to, you ought to let her be with someone who doesn't have such intimate ties with her. And before it even gets to that, you really need to discuss with each other first if that is indeed what you both want.

[lavalamp777]

I am in a similar situation as you aside from being married for so long. My girlfriend has also revealed to me a fantasy for having a threesome with me and another man. At first I was a bit taken aback but now it's a constant fantasy for me. We have talked about it and she is attracted to one of my friends, not a best friend just a friend. She said she would like to tease him and flirt with him, and she did (online only so far) and that turned me on. After posting a few things on this forum the general consesus of people convinced that what I am doing is not a good idea and that it's probably a relationship killer.

 

I have put a stop to the whole thing alltogether but the fantasy just keeps slipping back to me, and I am still excited about the whole ordeal of my gf with someone else. We talked about it also and came to the conclusion that we werent going to proceed with anything, but we still mutually have the fantasy.

 

I am thinking that maybe once my relationship is more secure and we get married down the road or something, I might experiment with this, even though we are tempted to do it now. We will see what happens.

 

Anyways has anyone had experiences with this sort of stuff that can shed some light? And I don't really care about losing a friend like some people say here, because he is not a best friend, just a person I know, more of an accquaintance.

 

Thanks.