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Ex-boyfriend came back - or didn't


deiss

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Hello everyone

 

I am in desperate need of help. It all started december of 2016. I had been with my boyfriend for a year, and we were the happiest ever. We rarely fought, and loved each other to pieces. We had planned moving in together, and we were both clear that in the future we would get married. He started getting a lot of familyproblems, with a dying grandfather and big financial problems. I have always supported him way more than expected, but he ended up breaking down in tears, and telling me he could not do it anymore. He could not be with me during these hard times, and he couldn't ask me to wait for them to be over, cause to be quite fair, none of us knew when that would be. I broke down myself, and told him I would always love him and only be with him. Fast forward 4 months, I get a text from him after NC. I had experienced something quite traumatic, and he wanted to know if I was doing okay after the experience. We ended up texting all night, and agreed to meet up the following day. We ended up kissing and telling each other how much we loved each other, and would never be able to be with anyone other than each other. A lot of stuff had changed in his personal life to the worse, for example his grandfather dying, and more problems than ever. He was acting different due to all of this, and not being as loving as during our relationship. After a week of contact, we ended up getting in a fight, and he told me he still couldn't be with me. He had told me earlier that he loved me with all his heart, and I was the only woman he would ever be with, but as for right now he wasn't ready to dive back into things as they were before. We kept talking after the fight, and he went from being the cold one, to me being cold towards him. Ofcourse I was loving and supportive as always, but I didn't show as much interest as before. Don't get me wrong, I love him and if I can't be with him, I won't be with anyone else. I won't be able to love anyone as much as love him, even though he has hurt me deeply. Since the fight, 2-3 weeks ago, he has started showing more interest. We hung out the other day, and after several hours of talking, he ended up kissing me and telling me he will love me forever no matter what happens, and that he can't live without me. I didn't say much, because I am conflicted, but I did make it clear I love him too.

What is happening? Is his love for me getting bigger than his need to be on his own for a while? I can't figure it out, and would like some insight. Funnily enough, I'm the first and only he has ever been with. He just hasn't been interested in relationships and women before meeting me. I have dated other men, but never been as miserable without anyone as with him. I truly feel he is my soulmate. Any help is truly appreciated

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It's too soon to talk about moving in, marriage, future etc. It's a red flag that things are too much too soon too fast. Way too much pressure and smothering.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like you revolved your world around him and he needs room to breathe. What are all the fights about?

 

You need to stop communicating and stop hanging out and allow him to miss you and reflect and have some space. He's telling you point blank he doesn't want this and isn't making any promises, so don't be in a holding pattern.

We had planned moving in together, and we were both clear that in the future we would get married. he ended up breaking down in tears, and telling me he could not do it anymore. After a week of contact, we ended up getting in a fight, and he told me he still couldn't be with me.
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You are giving him the benefit of the relationship, without the relationship. Stop!!!

 

Tell him to contact you only if he wants to reconcile. You are currently allowing yourself to be used.

 

"I would always love him and only be with him." This is silly. Stop wasting your life over someone who won't commit.

 

How would you handle things, if he walked out on your marriage because he couldn't handle things? He does not sound like he is very capable or responsible.

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