Confused

[Sillybillycat]

So I recently started dating again, after four months of being single. I started texting with this guy about a month ago, and last week we finally met in person. During this week we've gone out three times, and yesterday he kissed me.

I like this guy, he's really nice and funny, but I feel like this may be going too fast for me, it's only been a week since we started dating. He tells me that he counts the hours to be with me and that he can't wait to see me again.

I like him, and I feel like maybe we could have a future together. Buuuut, I still don't feel as I once felt with my ex and that worries me.

My question is, how can I slow things down a little without hurting him or killing the spark? Am I being silly?

[Batya33]

I would see him once a week for now and if he asks why just tell him you want to move at a reasonable pace and that you have other activities going on. Why did you wait a month to meet him in person?

[Scoe141]

You're never being silly when it's your comfort zone you're talking about.

 

I'd just say, "I really enjoy spending time with you, however I would more comfortable if we slowed things down a bit." (Something like that.)

 

If he understands great, if not kick him to the curb.

[Sillybillycat]

I would see him once a week for now and if he asks why just tell him you want to move at a reasonable pace and that you have other activities going on. Why did you wait a month to meet him in person?

 

Thanks, sounds like a good idea. We waited a month because he was injured and couldn't go out.

[Sillybillycat]

You're never being silly when it's your comfort zone you're talking about.

 

I'd just say, "I really enjoy spending time with you, however I would more comfortable if we slowed things down a bit." (Something like that.)

 

If he understands great, if not kick him to the curb.

 

Thanks! The thing is, I'm afraid of not being able to truly love anyone again, but I don't want to "miss an opportunity" and regret it later on. I feel like I'm being selfish and silly, I don't want to hurt anyone.

[Wiseman2]

Great you are dating again. Agree 3x in one week is way too fast. Slow down and pace yourself. You just met and are not even exclusive yet. Don't be hustled into sex if that's not what you want yet.

I started texting with this guy about a month ago, and last week we finally met in person. During this week we've gone out three times. I feel like this may be going too fast for me. He tells me that he counts the hours to be with me and that he can't wait to see me again.

[Sillybillycat]

I just don't want to hurt anybody. But I suddenly feel like I need to be sure that I'm ready to date again and I'm not doing it just because I may be afraid to end up alone. I find myself ambivalent between that and not wanting to regret later on about missing an opportunity to be happy with this new guy.

[Batya33]

I just don't want to hurt anybody. But I suddenly feel like I need to be sure that I'm ready to date again and I'm not doing it just because I may be afraid to end up alone. I find myself ambivalent between that and not wanting to regret later on about missing an opportunity to be happy with this new guy.

 

I think he might be a bit clingy/overwhelming. So slow it down to give yourself a chance to get to know him over a reasonable period of time.

[SherrySher]

He counts the hours?? *rolls eyes* give me a break....that guy is either a cheesy talker or it's a red flag on how he is getting way too over attached way too quickly and those types, you need to watch out for as they can become major problems down the line. (clingy/needy, controlling, etc)

 

I agree with you, you need to slow things down so you can really get to know who this person is as a friend and a person and not get all caught up in lust (which at this stage is all that it is).

Tell him gently but nicely that you want to slow down a bit and focus on building a good friendship and a good foundation before running ten million miles into romance.

If he's sensible at all he will agree and understand why it makes perfect sense.

[Sillybillycat]

He counts the hours?? *rolls eyes* give me a break....that guy is either a cheesy talker or it's a red flag on how he is getting way too over attached way too quickly and those types, you need to watch out for as they can become major problems down the line. (clingy/needy, controlling, etc)

 

I agree with you, you need to slow things down so you can really get to know who this person is as a friend and a person and not get all caught up in lust (which at this stage is all that it is).

Tell him gently but nicely that you want to slow down a bit and focus on building a good friendship and a good foundation before running ten million miles into romance.

If he's sensible at all he will agree and understand why it makes perfect sense.

 

Your reply made me feel a lot better, since my two best friends told me I may be overreacting. Thank you!

[SherrySher]

You're not overreacting. This guy is laying it on too thick. Don't get me wrong, you could be a very nice lady but a guy who was being genuine and not rushing, wouldn't be saying things like this, this early on.

It just sounds wrong.

I always try to use the analogy of when you first meet a new friend. You've known them for a few weeks, would you be okay with them needing/wanting your time this much or telling you they count the hours or so on? It would be weird and over the top, right? Dating isn't much different. I know some people can get caught up in the emotions of it but most times that's destructive and is problems down the line.

What works best is just as you're saying...taking your time, getting to really know them, building a strong friendship/foundation. Yes of course there is romance being as it's not just a friendship but that too should be something that doesn't have to be rushed or everything thrown right at you in the first few weeks, even months.

All good things that are worth it, takes time, right?

You are viewing everything exactly right.

[Sillybillycat]

You're not overreacting. This guy is laying it on too thick. Don't get me wrong, you could be a very nice lady but a guy who was being genuine and not rushing, wouldn't be saying things like this, this early on.

It just sounds wrong.

I always try to use the analogy of when you first meet a new friend. You've known them for a few weeks, would you be okay with them needing/wanting your time this much or telling you they count the hours or so on? It would be weird and over the top, right? Dating isn't much different. I know some people can get caught up in the emotions of it but most times that's destructive and is problems down the line.

What works best is just as you're saying...taking your time, getting to really know them, building a strong friendship/foundation. Yes of course there is romance being as it's not just a friendship but that too should be something that doesn't have to be rushed or everything thrown right at you in the first few weeks, even months.

All good things that are worth it, takes time, right?

You are viewing everything exactly right.

 

He just showed up at my home after I told him that I'm not feeling well. He even talked to my cousin to organize it. I mean, it's a nice gesture, but I felt it like an invasion to my privacy. Besides, apparently we kiss on the lips now. I'm thinking about ending this, but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

[Wiseman2]

Yikes. No boundaries. Just showed up uninvited at your home after a week or so of dating?

 

So many red flags. No overreacting here. This is your gut and your brain saying "RUN!".

He just showed up at my home after I told him that I'm not feeling well. I felt it like an invasion to my privacy. I'm thinking about ending this, but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

[Sillybillycat]

Yikes. No boundaries. Just showed up uninvited at your home after a week or so of dating?

 

So many red flags. No overreacting here. This is your gut and your brain saying "RUN!".

 

YES! That's what I want to do now, run. But how do I tell him without hurting him? And when?

[SherrySher]

All you need to do is ring him up and tell him that you don't want to hurt him but this isn't working out for you and you hope he understands.

 

Him showing up uninvited and getting your cousin to organise it was not the best. Unfortunately he is getting to be a bit pushy which truly does kill the romance side of things.

[Sillybillycat]

All you need to do is ring him up and tell him that you don't want to hurt him but this isn't working out for you and you hope he understands.

 

Him showing up uninvited and getting your cousin to organise it was not the best. Unfortunately he is getting to be a bit pushy which truly does kill the romance side of things.

 

I told him how I feel, and he isn't taking it very well. He insists on me explaining over and over what I mean, and wants to call me even though I told him I'm with my family right now. I wasn't planning on texting it to him, but he asked and I didn't want to lie. I feel guilty but relieved at the same time. I just want this to be over, honestly. But I hate to be the "bad one", though...