LDR...we haven't talked in over 10 days

[Inoverherhead1]

Okay so I'm not really sure who to turn to or to talk to so, I'm going to turn to you guys in stead for some advice.

 

Basically, I studied abroad in a Japan for one year. (I am in advanced Japanese and he speaks English a bit so a language barrier isn't really a problem!)

 

I met a guy and we feel hard for each other. In Japanese there is a confession process were you say you like each other than you start dating? Usually, someone asks will you date me as well but that didn't happen for me. We confessed but there was no serious committment in my mind and we had an undefined intimate relationship.

 

When we met, I was 21 and he was 25 and he is turning 26 this month. We would hang out a lot but it was always hard to see him since he already graduated from university and I am still attending. He originally said we were going to take things slow and that he wants a girlfriend and will wait for me?

 

Anyways, we had a couple of rough patches the year that I was there. I am kind of a three strike person, and if you mess up three times you are out of my life. And that's what he did. We spent his birthday together for example but he never called me or saw me on mine when he promised. He often would never keep any promises to me. Don't get me wrong, he is the most open minded, kind and calm person I have ever met. He drives me crazy and keeps me grounded at the same time.

 

Further, another issue we have is that I would always give him cards, make him things etc. he never did anything like that for me. It was hard enough for him to call or see me. I don't care about him spending money on me but at least a letter or card right? I asked him so many times to do and he would never do.

 

But I have talked with his family so many times and they adore me so his family accepting me is NOT a problem. (I just want to throw that out here just in case since I know many relationships like this have family acceptance issues).

 

Okay so I moved back to my home country to further school. He knew I was moving back to Japan this summer (which is still happening!) and that I don't think is an issue. Basically, I couldn't do it anymore and he had his "third" strike. (More like 5th but I am very understanding). I sent him messages and talk to him about how this is over (whatever we are etc) and I explained it and stop contacting him. This whole point up until I stop talking to him I never thought I loved him or wanted anything to serious. I was totally fine. Then, during these 2 months I realized I was in love.

 

Long story short, I contacted him and we decided to try again but be friends. We both want something different for our future, I want to get married and children and he doesn't. Also I'm not sure how long but he was in another relationship with a Japanese woman with a child after I left. He came to me about it since we are still best friends and we are always open and honest to each other.

 

No matter what we put each other through, we trust each other so deeply. Shared so many secrets and I know him so well.

 

Then things have become so weird. He keeps asking if I want to meet him in Japan and have serious talks. We both have flirted so heavily and we even admitted we still have feelings for each other. But recently, I can't figure out what I want and I feel like I can't be with him since we both want so many different things. But I think I love him. I love and miss him so much. His birthday is coming up and I wanted to call/make a video for him but he has been slowly doing MIA on me and now we haven't talked in over 10 days. The only messages he sent are, I'm busy. And I'm sick.

 

What should I do? I just really need someone to talk to this about. Sorry this was so long, I thought this information was important!!

 

I can answer more questions and give more info if needed. Thank you all and I love you.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like a nice friendship but he is getting busy with his life in Japan and dating women there, so may not have as much time for this friendship.

[vesper]

It sounds like you 2 are good friends and nothing more. Go ahead and give eachother space since you are in different countries and see what happens. Try to focus on the present and stay positive no matter what. Best to you!

 

V