Afraid I'll never love someone as much as I loved my ex

[Lovelavie]

It's been a year since my ex and I broke up. I had been in other relationships before but he was the only one I ever truly loved. I was crazy for him and I never felt anything close to what I felt for him for anyone, not before and not after. Two weeks after he broke up with me, he met his soon to be GF, I can tell he does everything different with her, he respects her while all he did when he was with me was disrespect me, put me down, never understood my jealously when I was clearly right and some other things. But with her, he doesn´t like other girls' pictures, doesn't follow them back. I recently found out he isolated himself from his friends because he said I go out with them too much. It's not my fault I'm friends with them, but I'm still the problem. When I was with him, the problem was that I got compared to his exes, now that he's with her, he puts her first. It's like, it's only working out because everything he messed up with me he doesn't do with her.

 

Also, she's 5 years younger than me, I cheked her Instagram account and she copies a bunch of my captions, she started wearing black all the time (if you see my instagram all I wear is black most of the time), she started doing her make up just like me. I showed my friends and they all agreed with me to make sure I wasn't crazy because it's so clear, yet he still doesn't see that. This really frustrates me, because I stuck with him through his hardest times, when he didn't even have money to eat. Now he's got his apartment, stable job, there's nothing to worry about.

 

I can't stand the fact that he left me for someone who didn't go through half of what we did and treats her a whole lot better, while I did nothing but be his friend and partner. I can't get emotionally involved with anyone, every time I start liking someone they mess up and I leave. Recently I met a guy who treats me really well, he points out my qualities, things no one ever even noticed before, he's dedicated, respectful and we have tons of things in common. We're getting to know each other and there's no reason for me to break it off, yet I'm always stuck on this frustration from my past relationship, stuck that I felt something so great for someone and it was all for nothing. I'm stuck on the fact that I can't feel anything near what I felt for him and it truly scares me. I keep thinking I'll have this frustration forever, that I might stay with this guy or meet someone who is for me, but that my ex will always be stuck in the back of my mind. It hurts to this day the fact that he's happy with someone else when I did nothing but be a loyal GF to him.

 

I hate feeling like this, I have grown so much, I have so much self love, but when it comes to him, it still messes with my head no matter how much I try to deny it.

[Wiseman2]

The best way to move forward is to go complete no contact that means not stalking him on social media or through friends or keeping tabs on his relationship as well as blocking and deleting him and all his people from social media.

 

It's been a year. By now you should have moved on and sought better relationships with guys who treat you better. If you feel stuck or obsessed perhaps therapy would help you sort that out. Did he breakup because of your jealousy?

 

This does not sound like he cared about you whatsoever:

all he did when he was with me was disrespect me, put me down, never understood my jealously when I was clearly right and some other things.

[nutbrownhare]

Just give it time. While healthy relationships are long-lasting, affirming and easy, they don't usually feel as compelling and addictive as unhealthy ones. They also take longer to develop.

 

Problem is, if you equate love with the heart-pounding, stomach-knotting, adrenaline-fuelled sensations you feel in a difficult relationship, then a genuinely loving relationship will feel tame by comparison. However, it does set the stage for true intimacy, which is impossible in an addictive relationship. Again, though, it takes time to develop.

 

Don't think about your ex and his new partner. The only people who really know what goes on behind closed doors are the parties themselves, and if she's trying to imitate you there's something going on which isn't necessarily good for either of them.

[Lovelavie]

It frustrates me because the day they met I got a gut feeling that they would date. My ex has a history of dating girls who look alike. Before me, he had two other girlfriends, and all for of us are very similar when it comes to appearance, so when I saw them adding each other I knew he would fall for her. Said and done, two months later they were official. I also have this gut feeling that he's not gonna mess up with her, while all he did was play with my self esteem because he knew I was crazy for him. He used that to feed his ego, and I can tell he realized that it's wrong to make a girl feel this way and now he does everything right with this one.

 

In his eyes I was crazy and she isn't. However, he didn't put her through half the things he did with me, so yeah it's easy to not be "crazy" when the guy never messes with you. I just hate the fact that I wasted so much feeling on someone who didn't deserve it and I cannot get emotionally involved with anyone, not as much as I was with him. Nothing ever comes even close. I hate this, I truly do, I have tried everything. I'm happier than ever with myself, I learned to love myself and I learned to love being by myself, I have grown up so much that sometimes I'm thankful this happened to make me a stronger person, yet it still bothers me, so I'm not that thankful. The fact that it's been a year scares me even more.

[Wiseman2]

And now a year after he's out of your life, stop right now wasting any more time thinking about him.

I just hate the fact that I wasted so much feeling on someone who didn't deserve it and I cannot get emotionally involved with anyone, not as much as I was with him.

[greta96]

You have no way of truly knowing how he treats her, what he puts her through, and what their life is like behind closed doors. Of course social media will show you the good stuff, and even your mutual friends have no real idea of what their relationship is like, they only know what it looks like on surface.

Chances are that if he was like that with you, he will eventually be exactly the same way with her too, because he is after all the same person. Maybe their relationship is still new so they are still in the honeymoon period, maybe they haven't been through certain experiences as a couple yet (the kind of experiences you and him went through), maybe she has stronger boundaries and is firm about him respecting them, it could be a million things - but the bottom line remains that you don't know, you can't know what their relationship is really like. Don't assume it's all honey and roses because the truth may be completely different! Torturing yourself with this kind of thoughts only serves to make yourself feel bad, and it may even be for no reason.

 

Stay away from their social media (maybe try deactivating yours for a while, so you don't have to see things that may come in your feed due to mutual friends), ask your friends to no longer talk to you about them, and try to avoid hanging out with them when he is present.

 

I feel for you, I won't lie, some exes we may never truly get over, hopefully that won't be the case with you. Maybe you just need some more time to be single, before you can dedicate yourself 100% to a new relationship. Take your time and I'm sure things will work out for you!

[Lovelavie]

I know that he's at least different with the things I got mad at him for. For example, his Instagram account is locked and all these girls would add him and he would follow them back. I asked him to stop, a bunch of time, nicely and he never did. Ever since he started dating her, he hasn't followed ONE single girl back.I would conclude I shouldn't even have had to ask him to stop, but since I did, he should've stopped yet this went on the entire relationship, so there's no excuse for him doing it to me and not her, it was pure disrespect only to call me crazy and paranoid. It's easy not to be paranoid when your BF gives you no reason to. Also, he would never post pictures of us because he would claim we fought too much, it was almost as if he was ashamed of me. He would never comment on my photos, he would tell me I didn't look good in most pictures but he comments on all of her pictures, I can tell it's spontaneous. He made me feel like I wasn't pretty, if you look at my Instagram it's clearly visible that after we broke up I started taking a lot more selfies, started posting more pictures, I felt confident again, while I was with him there are barely any pictures of only me. He would always make me feel like he was too good looking for me (indeed he is a very good looking guy but which only made him feel like he was superior or something), yet with her those things that bothered me are different.

 

We didn't have any issues besides the fact that he would compare me to other girls and flirt with them on social media. I once saw a conversation of him and his friend asking him how he could hide from me the likes on girls' pictures. I went on to find out he had liked a bunch of girls' pics while he was with me, and after he got with her he stopped.

I keep wondering why he put me through that when all I did was try to be the best GF I could, and with her, someone who doesn't work, someone who's not even in college yet while I've graduated and working in my area, how can someone like that add anything constructive to one's life. I also heard that all she does is spend his money. I really don't get it. Why, why does he value so much someone who clearly just has it easier than I did.

 

I see couples break up and get back together, out of all of my friends and acquantainces, I was the only one who got dumped and had the BF start dating someone right away. In this one year, there was no one I could relate to, much on the contrary. Everyone gives the other at least a chance, he just fell in love with someone while I was still miserable.

 

It's hard, I wish this wasn't in my life anymore but it is. I feel like he'll be my eternal frustration.

[Ms Darcy]

Sorry to be harsh, but I have a question. Why would he want a second go-round with you if you, as you say, obviously weren't his type?

 

I strongly believe that in dealing with people (in your case men) is to recognize when they are truly into you or not into you. When they are truly into you, you don't have to fight with them not to like other women, etc. It just seems like he had his eyes elsewhere and for some reason you are tying your self-esteem to his desire of you.

[Lovelavie]

Sorry to be harsh, but I have a question. Why would he want a second go-round with you if you, as you say, obviously weren't his type?

 

I strongly believe that in dealing with people (in your case men) is to recognize when they are truly into you or not into you. When they are truly into you, you don't have to fight with them not to like other women, etc.

 

I just thought from the beggining that he did like me. He was the one that insisted on getting into a relationship, he was the one that did everything for me. We were together for almost two years, I could have no idea he really didn't love me. I just wished he wouldn't have led me on for so long and making me feel like I should be different when I shouldn't be different at all. I had such low self esteem at the time that he made me believe I wasn't worth it. Nowadays I am way past that, but I just can't get over the fact that he made me feel like trash and went on to be happy with someone else and I haven't met one person besides this guy I'm seeing right now that was worth it.

[Wiseman2]

Are you in a relationship? If so focus on that not your exes new gf.

I haven't met one person besides this guy I'm seeing right now that was worth it.