I need some advice, help

[Alek0202]

So me and this girl are in a relationship for about a year now, we were doing great until we "broke up". We're still together just not officially and we plan to make it soon. But, and there's a big but, when we were together there was this guy that constantly tried to comunicate with her but she ignored him. She said she's been ignoring him for about 3 years, on and off. She "never texts him or calls him back". Once we got together after the breakup i found out that she's talking to him, but not the type of talking that comes to mind. "I know his intentions but i see him as a friend" -she said. I asked her, if you've been ignoring him for so long why in the world are you talking to him, she answered "He was really annoying then, but now he's polite and doesnt pressure me to talk, plus he rarely calls"- she added "it would be stupid to tell him not to call me out of the blue". This got me very mad as you would imagine, mostly because she's been straigt up coldly ignoring him for 3 years and now this, but i just kept my cool and waited it out.

Few weeks passed and he sent her an empty text message at 2 am. I said there is no way in hell that's an accident don't lie to yourself, she agreed. After that he called her a few days later at 1am to "check up if she's okay". Now what i need from you is the following advice, or help in deciding, if she doesn't stop answering him when i ask her to, and she keeps texting/talking to him at 2 am in the morning, should I breakup for good?

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I would encourage her to be clear with him. Because if she's not setting clear boundaries (presumably in order to be polite) then it's making it worse. Are you in school? Does she see this guy every day?

 

Also what you said doesn't match. Because if he's texting her inappropriately, then it wouldn't be "out of the blue" to cut him off.

[Wiseman2]

Are you broken up, back together and what does "not official" mean after a year?

 

You can't pick her friends or tell her who to talk to but you can see she likes male attention and stringing guys along.

So me and this girl are in a relationship for about a year now, we were doing great until we "broke up". We're still together just not officially and we plan to make it soon.

[Alek0202]

We're in school yes, he's not texting her inappropriately i never said that, and he's not going to our school he just finds her sometimes when she goes out, then comes to their table and talks to her at clubs.

 

Also i would like to add that 2 am texts in her mind aren't inappropriate, for some reason. If he is polite its no problem, even though i know he doesnt want to be friends he is hitting on me? this is the part that has me confused.

[Alek0202]

Are you broken up, back together and what does "not official" mean after a year?

 

You can't pick her friends or tell her who to talk to but you can see she likes male attention and stringing guys along.

 

We're together now, sorry i wasn't clear about that, we're committed, yes.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Also i would like to add that 2 am texts in her mind aren't inappropriate, for some reason. If he is polite its no problem, even though i know he doesnt want to be friends he is hitting on me? this is the part that has me confused.

 

You're not confused. It's dumb.

 

And if it was the other way around then I'm pretty sure any girlfriend would not take this at all.

[Alek0202]

You're not confused. It's dumb.

 

Would you agree with me to break up if she doesn't stop when i ask her to? Because i don't see any solution, I cant pick her friends as Wiseman said, all I can do is dip out if i don't like it.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Would you agree with me to break up if she doesn't stop when i ask her to? Because i don't see any solution, I cant pick her friends as Wiseman said, all I can do is dip out if i don't like it.

 

Yup. Agreed.

 

Are you clear why you're upset though? Because it doesn't sound the guy is actually a threat. It's more that your girlfriend is not acting well in the situation. 'Stringing along' like Wiseman said.

[Alek0202]

Yup. Agreed.

 

BREAKING NEWS: we're chatting now and she went mia for like 15mins, asked whats up. She said its her school friend, the same one that asked her to go with him to prom* if we broke up, JUST IN CASE. I asked why is he calling you at 2 am, she answered "its private". I said you're not that close with him as friends to have private convos like that, and I know that, she said we are. Okay.. so that's that i guess.

[Alek0202]

Are you clear why you're upset though? Because it doesn't sound the guy is actually a threat. It's more that your girlfriend is not acting well in the situation. 'Stringing along' like Wiseman said.

 

I'm not mad at the guy, he's a guy just like us and if he gets the chance, man i would too to be honest. Im mad that my girlfriend doesn't see the problem in this and tries to justify it.

[fabact]

Your gf needs attention and is not setting boundaries. If you are togethrt she should not be entertaining texts from him. Take it from me, i used to do this to my bf when i had other guys texting and i i didnt put my bf first in that way just to 'be nice' and not hurt feelings w other guy. DISASTER. if you are emotionally serious about someone you don't do that ...would be curious to know why you two broke up in the first place. sorry but to me it is not a good sign and it shows that she is not mature enough to put your needs and priorities first.

[Hollyj]

She likes the attention, and obviously that is more important than you. If she cared about and respected you, she would have blocked, long ago.

 

Move on.

[SooSad33]

I do have some guy friends... so Im wondering WHY you find this dude a threat?

 

You two have broken up once.... why? (Are you insecure... dont trust her?).

 

If you do trust.. I suggest you lay off getting uppety about him. Cause when you two are together, who is she involved with? YOU. ( Not him).

 

Is there a reason you should be afraid of him being present at all?

[Wiseman2]

Wow she like to play guys, no?

She said its her school friend, the same one that asked her to go with him to prom* if we broke up. I asked why is he calling you at 2 am, she answered "its private".