Partner Constantly Looking Up Escorts & Texting Them

[LuluBean]

I have been seeing a man for over 8 years. In that time we have actually broken up a year ago and were recently reconciling issues and have gotten back together.

 

That being said, the biggest issue I had was him lying to me about being with other women. I caught him with another woman while we were separated, but more alarmingly, I've found that he is on an online escort listing page daily. Last week, looking at cell phone records, I found that he was also texting escorts. I did not have evidence that he had seen an escort, though.

 

I called him out on having sex with escorts without admitting that I had looked at the phone records, and he denied any contact with escorts. When I told him that I have record of him texting escorts, he turned the table on me, calling me a psycho stalker and still denying ever having sex with an escort.

 

Our relationship is over, but I'm just so confused. We seemed to have a healthy sexual relationship.

 

I do know that he lost his virginity at 10 years old by a woman at a family party. He tells the story as though it was normal and did not bother him, but I can't imagine this wouldn't be disturbing to a young child. (I believe he was in 4th grade at the time)

[Wiseman2]

You don't need this extracurricular activity in your life. Go no contact delete and block him. You are better off that way.

 

Do you mean he was molested? You started dating him 8 years ago? So 2 yrs after 4th grade?

Our relationship is over, but I'm just so confused. I do know that he lost his virginity at 10 years old by a woman at a family party. He tells the story as though it was normal and did not bother him, but I can't imagine this wouldn't be disturbing to a young child. (I believe he was in 4th grade at the time)

[ParisPaulette]

I would be happy to have a relationship over. The fact is the guy enjoys having a steady partner and extracurricular sex partners on the side, which is a character problem that may or may not have anything to do with him having been sexually assaulted as a child. Because that's what happened and yeah, it might've screwed him up in the head about normal relationships. BUT he never sought therapy, and regardless is so honesty challenged that when caught red handed doing the very activity he tried to say he no longer did just to win you back, he then tried to deflect the whole issue to you being the problem.

 

But since I'm pretty sure you didn't put a gun to his head and force him to call escorts for sex, then that bony finger is pointing right back at the only guilty party there is in this mess - him.

 

Block, delete, flush away. It's done, you can't trust him, and if you have to snoop to protect your own mental, emotional, not mention physical health if he'd given you an incurable STD, then you should take that as a sign from the universe that this relationships should be over forevermore.

 

Heal, stay NC, get your life back on track. Not everyone out there is a liar and a cheater, nor do they use childhood traumas to try and excuse their behaviors. He is no adult capable enough of picking up a phone, calling a therapist and saying, "This is ruining my life and I lost the love of a good woman over it, I need help."

 

That he doesn't says he doesn't want to change it regardless of the reason. Bad actions that hurt people are not less so, because of the person's past who is doing the hurting.

[LightWave93]

You did the right thing by ending the relationship. Not quite sure what to make of his experience as a ten year old; sounds like molestation to me. Not that I'm a mental health professional, but such experiences do tend to have an effect on later life and is perhaps the reason why he browses for casual encounters. Regardless, not your problem. Block, delete, take time to heal and move on.

 

Also, though I'm sorry you had to go through with this, polite word of caution; don't go through your partner's belongings.

[Hollyj]

This is a character issue. He's a cheat and a liar! End of story!

 

My question to you, is why would you take someone back that has a history of lying and cheating?

 

Why did you break up the first time?

 

Get tested, and block this creep!.

[Jibralta]

Our relationship is over, but I'm just so confused. We seemed to have a healthy sexual relationship.

 

There's more to a relationship than sex. There are psychological and emotional components, as well. Satisfying though it may be, the sexual component can't make up for the absence of other two. It's kind of like an epoxy: it needs all of the components to mix together before a bond can form.

 

i hope you are done with him once and for all. He sounds like bad news.

[Lester]

Sex is only one aspect of a happy life.

Not understanding that is a recipe for wasted years.

[LuluBean]

We were best friends, or so I thought... it was more than just sex, which is why we were trying to reconcile

 

I mentioned the sex part because, aside from normal arguments, we got along well... which is why I am so confused.

 

Thank you everyone for the advice. No need for an explanation. He's blocked and I've gone NC.