Need advice

[Ededededed]

About 6 or 7 months ago, I met a girl who was friends with my friends girlfriend. I'm 17 years old and I've liked many girls before so I have experience but with this girl it was different. After hanging out with her I quickly realized that she was the perfect girl for me. Everything about her was what I dreamed about in a girl before I met her. Whenever I looked at her or thought about her I just felt happy. I fell in love with her. We got closer and we would always talk but I never told her my feelings towards her because I didn't want to get into things too fast since at the time the last thing I wanted was another relationship. I'm also pretty shy. All of my friends told me that she liked me and I believed it, she really seemed like she was into me. We would always text eachother and FaceTime and I just really felt happy with my life. I have two groups of friends that I usually hang out with separate, one from my hometown and one from a town nearby. My best friend who we'll just call Bob to keep things private is part of my hometown group of friends. Me and Bob have been best friends since pre school and we do everything together. The girl Im in love with whos my friends girlfriends friend is part of my out of town group of friends. Well just call the girl Im in love with Sam. I never really liked hanging out with both groups of friends at one but I bought Bob with me to hang out with her but I forgot to mention that I like her. He flirted with her but I told him to stop the day after because it was really hurting me. That week I finally told Sam I like her but she told me that she didn't feel the same way and that she just wants to be friends. That hurt a lot. I felt really depressed for the next couple days but I'm strong and I was starting to get over it. I still hung out with her and still talked to her and I bought Bob with me again. He was really flirty with her again which was really hurting me. I told him to back off after but he denied that he was flirting. I hate seeing people mad at me so I pretended that I wasn't that mad and I still bought him to hang out. Bob is a very attractive guy and he is very outgoing. I'm more average looking and I'm shy. Ive never really had a serious girlfriend while Bob is what you would call a boy. He continued to flirt with her and he began texting her and calling her. Sam stopped talking to me as often and they both started talking to eachother more. One night my friends girlfriend who I'm very close with told me that Sam liked Bob. That got me really depressed but as long as Bob didn't like her back it wasn't too bad. Sure enough I found out Bob really liked her too. We would still hang out but they would always cuddle with eachother and they would try to hide it from me but I still saw it. I was devastated. I'm always a really positive person but this just killed me inside, I felt the worst I ever felt in my life. I kept telling Bob how I felt about this and he would always tell me he would stop and I would believe him but my friends girlfriend who always hangs out with Sam would always tell me that they would always kiss behind my back and they would pretty much act like they were dating. I thought I trusted Bob he was my best friend and he still is, I can't let go of him. He still tells me he's sorry but he can't help who he has feelings for. I would always try to break them apart but nothing would work. Finally after a while Bob got with another girl and hurt Sam. I felt bad for Sam but at the same time I was really happy. Sam got over it pretty quickly and we started talking more again I felt really happy for the first time in a while. I thought it was all over until a few weeks after I found out Bob and Sam were planning on going on a date. Bob told my frinds girlfriend that he got with that girl to try and get over sam for me but he couldn't. The same thing is happening over again and I'm still really depressed. They still try to hide it but I always find out even without them knowing. I'm still frinds with both of them and I know that the best thing to do would be stop talking to them both and try to forget about it but I can't do that. I'm still in love with Sam and I can't let go of Bob. This isn't really something I can get over because I'm seriously in love with Sam. Each time I see or hear about then doing something else together it's something seprate that I have to get over and it just keeps on happening. I'm not getting any better and I'm severely depressed. Does anyone have any advice for me to make me feel better? Thank you so much if you actually took the time to read this while thing, it means a lot. For as long as they are together I won't feel better. I've tried a lot of things but nothing works. I can't get over this.

[gebaird]

I only see two options here:

 

1) Accept that Sam and Bob are dating and be happy for them

2) Stop talking to both Sam and Bob

 

Everything else you attempt will only lead to pain. Option 1 may not feel like a real option because of the way you feel about Sam, but since she doesn't feel the same way about you it's not like Bob is keeping you from Sam. Sam is keeping you from Sam! If she wasn't with Bob, she'd be with SOMEONE.

 

It's actually kind of cool that Bob attempted to break up with Sam & started dating someone else because he could see it was hurting you. But I think telling Bob to stay away from her is unfair. He didn't steal her from you. Don't you want him to be happy?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this happened. It was good to told sam about how you feel even though it didn't work out. But you friend bob should know better than to move right in on her, no?

 

I would start hanging out with a lot of people, different people and groups, etc. No only to widen your social circle and build confidence, but to distance yourself from these two.

[abitbroken]

You never told Sam you were interested in her. She probably thought you were just being friendly. Bob made it clear that he was interested and she responded to him. If Sam had been interested in you romantically, she would have shot Bob down. You don't go out with a girl and bring another guy along if you are interested in her unless you don't know her well and she brings a friend too just as a safety net.

 

That hurt a lot. I felt really depressed for the next couple days but I'm strong and I was starting to get over it. I still hung out with her and still talked to her and I bought Bob with me again.

 

I think this is what the turning point was. If she had any thoughts that you were interested in her, it went away when you brought Bob, the guy who was flirting her, back. You had a chance to not bring Bob with you and ask her to do something one on one. She still in the end might not have ended up dating you, but when a guy makes sure the guy who hit it off with me comes the next time he sees me, I take it as a good clue the flirty guy is the one interested and the guy I initially talked to is making the connection for him with me.

 

Next time you meet someone, be more assertive. Don't say "i really like you" perhaps, but if you are already Skyping and texting, make the move to do something with them one on one.

 

I think that if anything you should not talk to Sam for awhile so that you can move on and meet someone else and get over her.