coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 So as most of you know in my prior post that I was dating a guy that has stage 3 cancer. The first week was all lovy dovey but 2 weeks into the relationship we've had so many ups and on little stuff. And we would get pass it every time. He has opened up to me alot on alot of stuff and I have too. We grew attached to each other after a week into the relationship. And when he recognized we were getting too attached to one another he suddenly pulled away. Avoiding me for 3-4 days at a time. Towards the 3rd week we started arguing more and blames me for talking to the guy that introduced us, which I told him that's not the case and said if you don't believe me I gave him my password to both of my facebook accounts and email. Been yelled at twice by him. I asked him if he remembered what happened last time we spoke I confronted him not to yell anymore he says he did not such thing, accuses me of cussing at him I swear to God I never did. He tells me he loves me, introduces me to his sister and walks away as if s.... didn't happen. I did love him very much but I can't be with someone that is so selfish and won't admit there wrong doings even though he treated me like crap. Cancer or no cancer he has to have some sort of control. I am having a bit of a hard time because now I see him as a person that used me and threw me away like a piece of garbage and I despise him because of that. He got what he wanted, did his thing and walked off. I did tell him I h...him for doing that. And now we're not speaking anymore. Link to comment
gebaird Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 An experience like this can really upset your equilibrium and interrupt your healing, but I'm glad you're free of him. Every experience, even a bad one, is an opportunity to learn about yourself and the world. Learn what you can from this one so you don't have to repeat it with someone new. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 How would it make you feel if someone tells you they love you, have sex with you a couple of times, and walk away as if nothing happened? Just for you to find out you've been taken advantage of. Cuz I swear it feels like crap. I'm trying to move on from it just having a little bit hard time getting over it. I am done ! An experience like this can really upset your equilibrium and interrupt your healing, but I'm glad you're free of him. Every experience, even a bad one, is an opportunity to learn about yourself and the world. Learn what you can from this one so you don't have to repeat it with someone new. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I don't think he used you, you too slept together way too soon. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 How long had you been dating? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 You jumped in way too soon. Weren't you thinking marriage less than a week after you met him? You didn't know this guy. No matter how much you "talk" (online or otherwise), you can't possibly know someone after one week. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 honestly cool, i'm glad it's over. i'm sure the drama contributed to your mood cycling. SOs should make you feel at peace. you did the right thing to end it. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I agree with you but it was bound to happen sooner or later. So I agreed to it just that one night. Used taken advantage of what's the difference. That's the way I feel ! I don't think he used you, you too slept together way too soon.[/QU Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 How long had you been dating? 3 weeks. The first week was great. By the 2nd week was when the arguing started. By the 3rd week was when it started to escalate. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 You jumped in way too soon. Weren't you thinking marriage less than a week after you met him? You didn't know this guy. No matter how much you "talk" (online or otherwise), you can't possibly know someone after one week. I get with what your saying but that does not give someone the right to be disrespectful to you when your trying to date and get to know one another. For me once its okay I'll let it go twice I get cautious and the 3rd time I don't deal well with too much drama going on. Believe me when I tell you I've had enough of that in the past year and a half of my life. Link to comment
gebaird Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 How would it make you feel if someone tells you they love you, have sex with you a couple of times, and walk away as if nothing happened? Pretty awful, which is why boundaries are so important. The motives of anyone who says "I love you" before getting to know you can't be good, and allowing an emotional connection to develop before initiating or allowing sexual contact could help you avoid this kind of pain in the future. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 We both decided to it things before it got out of control. I'm sure he's okay. But I do sometimes miss him and do worry about him. I have NOT done anything to him other than to be by his side and help him. I have never been disrespectful to him the way he has been with me. When I did confront him about it he's in denial of ever doing that. That can't take responsibility for his actions. And that's what hurts me the most of all. So pretty much I do feel used and taken advantage of. Our last conversation ended in a yelling match I told him I can't believe that he is so inconsiderate for putting me through this position of having to go through constant emotional break-downs because he cant get himself together and being in a tug of war with me. I told him what the hell is the matter with you and he told me my issues is more bigger than yours. I told him I'm sorry our dealing with it cancer or no cancer you don't go around treating me like S........... when i'm trying to help you and putting up with your constant mood swings for 2 weeks. We both hung up the phone and haven't talked ever sense and this was last week. Yea well I have peace for the time being. honestly cool, i'm glad it's over. i'm sure the drama contributed to your mood cycling. SOs should make you feel at peace. you did the right thing to end it. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 He did not use you, you were willing and you already wanted to have sex with him but you said he couldn't, you said it was killing you not to be able to kiss him out touch him but i guess he found a way around that. People warned you on that same thread to walk away and not get involved, by that time you didn't have sex with him yet. So you were warned but wanted it so you can't blame him for using you. This is not using someone..... There were so many reasons not to get involved with him and you also said you didn't want to, just be his friend but you still also wanted to be more with him. And this after only knowing him for a week. Well I'm sorry, you couldn't know him enough after that one week to have such strong feelings, you also still can't know him wel enough to miss him. It was never there because of his cancer, it could never be anything real. I'm sorry but it wasn't a relationship at 3 weeks, you guys were dating if that, if it was only 1 week of joy and then the problems began, it wasn't anything real to begin with.... I don't understand this whole story to be honest..... I don't get why people can cry over someone they only met a few weeks ago, you can't be invested yet, you can't love them yet. You just can't...... Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 But I do think he's more worried about what's happening with him and trying to deal with it all. He does have cancer you know. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Sometimes people want something so badly they ignore all the usual indicators and throw caution to the wind. They're hoping to be part of a romantic love story with a happily ever after. OP, it's better to take your time and let things develop. I think you know he doesn't have much time left and you were hoping to spend his last days with him making him happy, but it didn't work out that way. It's a good think you walked away from this situation. Link to comment
coolgirl Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 But I do think he's more worried about what's happening with him and trying to deal with it all. He does have cancer you know. I get that JaggerJim. I'm not disagreeing with you. I've seen him in his worst condition too and I've tried to get him in to see his doctor as well and i told him I'll be there for him. I offered my help and moral support. He's been here less than a year and only had 2-3 surgeries here. Has not gone back to get another check up to see where he's at. he hasn't been back in 8 months I gotten so mad at him and told him why are you doing this to yourself and this isn't that he should take lightly. I've tried pushing the issues to him to make the phone call and lets go for the check-up I even offered to make the appointment for him. He just doesn't want to do it or take that step. I left it alone for a while. I never asked to be involved in his life too much this was way over the top for me to handle. The reason I stuck around and be by his side because yes I did like him very much. Really did. My feelings for him grew in time. And after sleeping with him more then 2-3 times yes we both grew attached to one another. So I'm not the only one. I told him once if you want me in your life then start treating me with a little bit more respect. Link to comment
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