Have you had an ex come crawling back?

[lisa27]

Im just wanting to know peoples personal experiences with being dumped and if their ex ever did end up coming back....

 

What were your experiences? how long did it take? and what did you do?

 

OR if you were the dumper - did you crawl back to your ex? if so, what were the reason behind it - the pulling factors towards your ex!?

 

Humour me

[Person1001]

I have had it broken off w/guys 3 times. My 1st love, I left because he was mistreating me, yes he tried to come back, he called me a couple days later. Another guy told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and ghosted me, he came back 3 months later. My recent ex, well I haven't heard from him in almost 2 weeks. I have never taken any of them back and don't count on them coming back, if you don't, your healing process will be a lot better. For the last 2 guys, why would I want to take back someone who so easily walked out of my life?

[angrythoughts]

My ex dumped me early September and I begged for him back. I was absolutely pathetic and I remember spending a couple weeks googling how to get my ex back because I was so depressed . I couldn't eat and all I wanted to do was sleep all day. I went from 132lbs to weighing 113lbs in about a month.

 

When we broke up he told me that he didn't want to have relationship duties and he just wanted to learn to be happy alone. I asked him if we would have a chance to be together in the future and he said he didn't know, but at that point in time he did not want to be with me or anyone else (supposedly).

 

As time went on he texted me for Christmas, New Year's, and randomly throughout the months . Then 2 weeks ago he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him the following Friday. I wasn't sure why but I told him OK I'm down . Then the day before I was supposed to meet up with him I got this long winded text from him telling me that he wants to get back together with me and he's ready to put hundred percent into the relationship and wishes he would've known that sooner .

 

It was completely unexpected and I was confused. A couple months after our break up I accepted everything and practically moved on with my life. The following day we met up, spoke and ended up hooking up.

 

Now him and I are working on things and the ball is now in my court . I told him I still want to be single and he said he will wait for me to change my mind. I'm sure we will eventually get back together but over these past couple of months I have been used to being single and I somewhat enjoy it . So now we are just seeing where things go.

[greta96]

Yeah...most of my exes tried coming back, after various lengths of time(months to years). I didn't take them back because after the breakups I realized they were not the right people for me anyway, and I had long moved on.

Even the ex I loved the most came back, 5 years later. I never got over him, and he is now a different person, tons better than how he used to be, he now treats me the way I wish he did when we were together. He is in a dying relationship though (according to him), so I am not allowing anything to happen between us until he ends it - if that's indeed what's going to happen. I am not interfering with anything, I don't want to feel responsible, it has to be his decision entirely. But yes, if he ends it I would be interested in dating him and seeing where things go.

[Batya33]

No crawling. We strolled, then walked, then ran back to each other almost 8 years after breaking up. I was the main person who broke up back then but it ended up basically mutual and basically amicable. When we got back together we were in our late 30s, both had changed in positive ways, both were ready to go the distance. The result? It's 6:52am, and am breakfasting with an almost 8 year old with almond butter streaked on his face (but never from bread crusts -crusts are always inedible even with jelly on them) who is a lovely combo of his parents' inter-type marriage (meaning Type A - me- and Type B- him!).

 

Getting back together was relatively natural -we met platonically a few times, sparks were in the air, we acted on the sparks with a very short but clear and direct conversation - yes we wanted to try again, yes, the reason for trying again was to see if this time it would work out (not sure if we were brave enough to use the M word during that first, 2 minute, conversation but that was what we meant). I think maybe we spent 5 more minutes talking about how it was kind of crazy to try again. Oh and we were long distance at that point, on and off for the next few years.

 

We almost got back together a month after the break up - I wanted to -and he wisely said that if we did it would be great/romantic for about a month and then we'd have the same issues again. Had he agreed I am almost positive that would have been it, forever -too much bad history would have happened.

 

Is it what I pictured marriage/family would be. NO. I somehow thought I'd be transformed into a person who didn't just say she enjoyed cooking/baking but someone who did it regularly, and turned into an arts and crafts person with a clean house where children traipsed in and out all day. And that my husband and I would go out at night with other couples regularly, etc - lots of those images that I am sure lots of people live in reality a la Facebook. Not like that. And.... it's ok -it's more than ok. And that's the point - it depends on what your expectations are of the person, of yourself, your willingness to get rid of those expectations that really are sweet nothings but not deep inside you - and to know the difference. It's not settling or rationalizing -that would be bad in any relationship and especially in getting back together. It might read that way but it is definitely not. It's not because we broke up once, either -but the mindset -of getting that second chance, of getting that chance to make a family even though we waited so long -that informs the perspective and expectations too.

[Matt3939]

All but one eventually initiated contact. The one who didnt I was the dumper in that situation. It wasnt a good one (is there ever?) still feel bad about that. Breaking up and getting back together can be a bad cycle. You might wish for it now but it just keeps the hurt going in the end.

[Batya33]

All but one eventually initiated contact. The one who didnt I was the dumper in that situation. It wasnt a good one (is there ever?) still feel bad about that. Breaking up and getting back together can be a bad cycle. You might wish for it now but it just keeps the hurt going in the end.

 

Yes, did that with an ex boyfriend back and forth -too soon although my intentions were genuine as were his. Luckily we finally broke up and we each met the right person for us, and stayed on good terms.

[Wolfshook]

I had an ex that I was with before my latest ex come back after my breakup (with the one that got me here). I was crazy for her through most of my HS,and we'd date,then break up then date once her bf (at the time) would cheat on her and this went around.

 

Anyway, this all stopped for few years as I was dating my ltr ex. And we began talking shortly after bu,and were kind of fwb. I had no feelings for her and any feelings that could emerge were killed by all the bad choices she made when we werent taking and continued to make them. So I ended this.

 

My most recent ex came up with "I want you back" few months after breakup,but it was drunk texting and she ghosted on me after we went out..

 

Again she'd contact me with "we need to talk" and "I will never love anyone like I loved you" bull* 9 months after breakup,but I had so much going on in my life that I just told her I'm too busy to talk. Never heard from her again.

 

Honestly,after all of this, and as I heard what some exes did to my friends/other people, I'd never settle for being second best or anything like that. I'd rather be screwed again by some stranger than somebody that I used to know,that way I cant blame myself for letting that happen again.

[Wiseman2]

No. Exes are like selling a car. It's final and I don't want it back. If it gets in a wreck and gets damaged or totaled, don't tow it back to me looking for a refund.

[tattoobunnie]

I've had six dumpers comes back. Usually months or years later. By then, I'm like, "who is this?". "No thanks!" Although, the last one who came back after 14 years, I married and had his kids. So, it never hurts to try!

[ShatteredMan]

No. Exes are like selling a car. It's final and I don't want it back. If it gets in a wreck and gets damaged or totaled, don't tow it back to me looking for a refund.

 

That's awesome! LOL

[notmyprez]

yes, I've had all my ex boyfriends come back except one. One of the exes walked in with a marriage proposal. The most recent one (4 weeks ago), we have been back and forth (cycling), this is our 6th break up in 5 years. And the only one that I initiated. A man screaming at me and blaming me for the screaming? NOPE, that ain't happening. Not something I'm hanging around for for a second. This break up could be the worst and most lasting one. I have no idea. And he's my favorite one of all - so there you go

.

[Sam179]

Dumped 4 months ago, have tried to contact. Stopped contact it's been two months. Recently few days ago tried to contact as dumpers dad is critically ill. Got no response. Everyone's different, some people are just heartless even if they were the ones who were nasty in the relationship

[ShatteredMan]

Dumped 4 months ago, have tried to contact. Stopped contact it's been two months. Recently few days ago tried to contact as dumpers dad is critically ill. Got no response. Everyone's different, some people are just heartless even if they were the ones who were nasty in the relationship

 

I think we all have the temptation to reach out for birthdays, holidays, significant issues with our exes. I think its that "little hope that you might get back together" that you construct in your mind over time after the breakup that is making noise in your head. It uses the loneliness and empty space that you have in your mind and heart (if it hasn't been filled with happiness from something/someone) against you. Essentially, its almost a weird reverse effect of the use of NC where we hope that someone is missing us and will reach out because they're feeling what we're dealing with too.

 

I guess that's why we all have to encourage each other to squelch that noise, the overwhelming urge/pull to use a simple reason to break NC. Its such a burden and to me, it starts out as a little whisper that gets louder and louder through the day to the point where its screaming at you in the middle of the night to send that text/drive by their place/show up at a place where you think they'll be.

 

Just remind yourself that it will pass and that by not sending that text (or whatever), it will have more of an effect on them (if they still care) because they didn't hear from you.

 

If they don't care, well......there you go.....

[Batya33]

I wanted to add that one reason I think our reconciliation worked is that our contact over the almost 8 years apart was limited to once or twice a year mostly impersonal emails about mutual friends, etc -we actually did have dinner one time about a year and a half before we got back together - that was the first time we actually spoke briefly on the phone, we met, it was pleasant and that was it. I did google him from time to time to follow his career. (And yes to see if he had married!). We found out later that a mutual acquaintance of ours had set him up on a date with a friend of mine -I had introduced the friend to the mutual acquaintance so it was strange that that happened without my knowing.

[ShatteredMan]

I think we all have the temptation to reach out for birthdays, holidays, significant issues with our exes. I think its that "little hope that you might get back together" that you construct in your mind over time after the breakup that is making noise in your head. It uses the loneliness and empty space that you have in your mind and heart (if it hasn't been filled with happiness from something/someone) against you. Essentially, its almost a weird reverse effect of the use of NC where we hope that someone is missing us and will reach out because they're feeling what we're dealing with too.

 

I guess that's why we all have to encourage each other to squelch that noise, the overwhelming urge/pull to use a simple reason to break NC. Its such a burden and to me, it starts out as a little whisper that gets louder and louder through the day to the point where its screaming at you in the middle of the night to send that text/drive by their place/show up at a place where you think they'll be.

 

Just remind yourself that it will pass and that by not sending that text (or whatever), it will have more of an effect on them (if they still care) because they didn't hear from you.

 

If they don't care, well......there you go.....

 

And a mutual friend of mine just hit me with the news that my ex's father died yesterday. They suggested that I reach out and give my condolences......

 

As much as I'm rereading what I've written above and struggling with the urge, I'm also trying to think if she would do the same if the situation were reversed. I don't think she would.....

[tattoobunnie]

If you were close to her dad, or he's your kids grandpa, then you reach out no matter what and go to the wake. But if you weren't, you can send a card.

[Batya33]

When I heard my ex's mother died - loved her, great person- I did not send a. See because I found out by googling something else. So he would have no idea I knew and he didn't tell me. Since he is married I thought it might be inappropriate to contact and say I "heard" and have his wife know I was in contact. His wife and I are on good terms but still. It wasn't the easiest decision but I think the right one.

[Sam179]

I think we all have the temptation to reach out for birthdays, holidays, significant issues with our exes. I think its that "little hope that you might get back together" that you construct in your mind over time after the breakup that is making noise in your head. It uses the loneliness and empty space that you have in your mind and heart (if it hasn't been filled with happiness from something/someone) against you. Essentially, its almost a weird reverse effect of the use of NC where we hope that someone is missing us and will reach out because they're feeling what we're dealing with too.

 

I guess that's why we all have to encourage each other to squelch that noise, the overwhelming urge/pull to use a simple reason to break NC. Its such a burden and to me, it starts out as a little whisper that gets louder and louder through the day to the point where its screaming at you in the middle of the night to send that text/drive by their place/show up at a place where you think they'll be.

 

Just remind yourself that it will pass and that by not sending that text (or whatever), it will have more of an effect on them (if they still care) because they didn't hear from you.

 

If they don't care, well......there you go.....

 

That was good advice, appreciate it😊