Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 After 2 weeks of turmoil w/the guy I used to date, I had a moment of clarity and peace. I decided to rejoin the dating website I had used before, not for a relationship, to see what's out there, plus it takes a few weeks to find normal people, not perverted creeps. Anyways there was a guy who I had been messaging for 2 months before I started dating my ex, he was very hesitant to go on a date and I just continued messaging him. He found me w/in an hour of me joining the site. He had actually messaged me after I left the site (I wished him luck), saying if the new guy didn't work out (my ex) that I should message him. We have a date set. He had actually found me on facebook and knew who I had started dating, he left me alone for the 6 months that I was dating the other guy. Weird or no? Link to comment
Birdie Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Wait you have a date with this guy? Oh my goodness, why not spend some time being single?!? Your relationship JUST ended. Link to comment
Someday_Soon Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Sounds like he was initially playing hard to get, and now he's taking advantage of a second chance. Not weird IMO. However, I'm not real crazy about the fact he strung you along during your initial encounter. Sounds like he may possibly be wishy-washy but not necessarily weird. Proceed with caution until you can gauge whether nor not he is genuinely interested in a LTR. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Wait you have a date with this guy? Oh my goodness, why not spend some time being single?!? Your relationship JUST ended. True, but I have missed having fun w/someone physically here (not sexually), heck I was struggling to get even a couple vid chats from my ex a week. Its almost like I was single for last month or so anyways... Link to comment
Birdie Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 True, but I have missed having fun w/someone physically here (not sexually), heck I was struggling to get even a couple vid chats from my ex a week. Its almost like I was single for last month or so anyways... No it wasn't like you were single, you weren't. You were emotionally invested in someone and committed. You were hurt when your needs weren't met. If you don't take time to work on yourself and this insecurity of being alone/needing reassurance or seeking self-validation from men, these issues are going to keep occurring in your relationships. Learn to lead a fulfilling life by yourself so when you're with someone you're still your own person. But it's your life, up to you. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 No it wasn't like you were single, you weren't. You were emotionally invested in someone and committed. You were hurt when your needs weren't met. If you don't take time to work on yourself and this insecurity of being alone/needing reassurance or seeking self-validation from men, these issues are going to keep occurring in your relationships. Learn to lead a fulfilling life by yourself so when you're with someone you're still your own person. But it's your life, up to you. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship, for some odd reason I no longer feel the crushing sadness I did, maybe cause I felt like my ex was on his way out or I just emotionally exhausted myself. Idk its not seeking validation from men, its moving on. Link to comment
mbee Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I have no idea if you are ready to date or not, and I'm in a similar position so I understand where you are coming from. I was single for 3.5 years (never in a committed relationship during that time) before me and my ex met. The relationship did not last long, but I honestly feel like I can go out and casually date even though it's been 3 weeks. Everyone is different though so I'm hoping you are making the right decision for yourself. Going back to your original question, nope I don't think it's weird at all. I've heard weirder, and that ended up with a couple engaged and ready to be married. The weird one was guy sends message, girl doesn't reply for a year even though she's active on site, girl notices his message, responds but girl is traveling overseas for a few months, guy waits 3 months and sends another message when she returns (they were never in touch during this time), and girl replies and they meet 2 weeks later after she's back in the country cause she's busy seeing her friends and family and has no time for a date (almost 1.5 years since his first message to her). If this guy had asked for advice on this thread, everyone would say she's uninterested and to move on. If she had asked for advice, people might have suggested it was a bit weird that he kept messaging her. Who knows... BUT they would have given them misguided advice. Point is they did their thing, met, have been together for 4 years, super super happy and will be married soon. I don't believe in blowing off opportunities just because the timing was off. Meet the guy and give him a shot. Like any dating situation, have your guard up but be open to the possibilities because who knows, could be great, or just a one off date. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 I have no idea if you are ready to date or not, and I'm in a similar position so I understand where you are coming from. I was single for 3.5 years (never in a committed relationship during that time) before me and my ex met. The relationship did not last long, but I honestly feel like I can go out and casually date even though it's been 3 weeks. Everyone is different though so I'm hoping you are making the right decision for yourself. Going back to your original question, nope I don't think it's weird at all. I've heard weirder, and that ended up with a couple engaged and ready to be married. The weird one was guy sends message, girl doesn't reply for a year even though she's active on site, girl notices his message, responds but girl is traveling overseas for a few months, guy waits 3 months and sends another message when she returns (they were never in touch during this time), and girl replies and they meet 2 weeks later after she's back in the country cause she's busy seeing her friends and family and has no time for a date (almost 1.5 years since his first message to her). If this guy had asked for advice on this thread, everyone would say she's uninterested and to move on. If she had asked for advice, people might have suggested it was a bit weird that he kept messaging her. Who knows... BUT they would have given them misguided advice. Point is they did their thing, met, have been together for 4 years, super super happy and will be married soon. I don't believe in blowing off opportunities just because the timing was off. Meet the guy and give him a shot. Like any dating situation, have your guard up but be open to the possibilities because who knows, could be great, or just a one off date. Thanks for your advice, I will proceed w/caution. Very different from my 1st break up, relationship lasted close to a year, took me 3 months before I could even look at another guy. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Last night, it was: After 2 weeks of turmoil w/the guy I used to date Not even a full day before that, it was: I have been feeling down and that is due to me being rejected by the guy I love Present tense. And even if just semantics, your "moment of clarity and peace" was just that. A moment. You can't even schedule a coffee date with a guy without coming here with doubts. Do you really think you're ready to date? Not meaning to be a jerk. I'd just hate to see you stressing and needing to create a dozen more threads about dating and insecurity when simply taking some time off could very possibly be much more therapeutic. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 This guy has been cyber stalking you without actually ever knowing you or having ever met you for six months straight and jumped in the second you are single and vulnerable....like he was onto you within an hour of your profile coming up......and.....your creep alert is not going off at all????!!!!!! .....'Cause it should be ringing every alarm bell you've got. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Last night, it was: Not even a full day before that, it was: Present tense. And even if just semantics, your "moment of clarity and peace" was just that. A moment. You can't even schedule a coffee date with a guy without coming here with doubts. Do you really think you're ready to date? Not meaning to be a jerk. I'd just hate to see you stressing and needing to create a dozen more threads about dating and insecurity when simply taking some time off could very possibly be much more therapeutic. I guess ive become a lot more paranoid about everything. When i joined the site, i didnt expect him to contact me. I thought it would take a couple weeks to weed out the creeps and find someone half decent. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I guess ive become a lot more paranoid about everything. When i joined the site, i didnt expect him to contact me. I thought it would take a couple weeks to weed out the creeps and find someone half decent.Well that's not any better. You're worried about a guy being a creep and yet still arranged a date with him. You're settling even before you so much as go on a first date. If someone gives you an off feeling, that's as good a reason as any to next him. You don't have to prove your case in front of a court to able to say "no thanks." Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I guess ive become a lot more paranoid about everything. When i joined the site, i didnt expect him to contact me. I thought it would take a couple weeks to weed out the creeps and find someone half decent. Weed out the creeps, and in an earlier post it was 'perverts'. I think you really, really need to take a break. You're not only paranoid you've developed a real nasty attitude. That's never attractive. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 This guy has been cyber stalking you without actually ever knowing you or having ever met you for six months straight and jumped in the second you are single and vulnerable....like he was onto you within an hour of your profile coming up......and.....your creep alert is not going off at all????!!!!!! .....'Cause it should be ringing every alarm bell you've got. He contacted me via the dating site, not facebook or any other social media. He wouldn't have known I was single, unless I had posted my profile back on the dating site. He never contacted me in those 6 months. Plus he wasn't the one to suggest the date. Link to comment
SeptemberSylv Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 He contacted me via the dating site, not facebook or any other social media. He wouldn't have known I was single, unless I had posted my profile back on the dating site. He never contacted me in those 6 months. Plus he wasn't the one to suggest the date. Well, I got one thing to say: Y O L O Just go on that date and make the most of it Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Is he local? A lot people look up people on dating sites on FB.AI decided to rejoin the dating website I had used before, not for a relationship, to see what's out there. We have a date set. Link to comment
Person1001 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Is he local? A lot people look up people on dating sites on FB. yeah lives in a city close by, no thanks to long distance prob ever again lol Link to comment
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