Is he being shady or no?

[Trulysad]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years now and we are expecting our first child in 5 months. I also have 2 kids from a horrible relationships in the past. Filled with cheating and lies. Now we never really takes to the opposite sex which I'm totally fine with. However to about about few weeks ago he seemed to be getting suspicious texts here and there. So of course I got nervous and started questioning him he said he gave his number to some girl he works with GREAT! Because she asked for it. Number 1 why would she want a guys number who is in a relationship and number 2 he usually tells me everything that happens at work but not this. I told him next time she texts him I want to know so I can nicely reply back to her and tell her to quit texting this number. He was fine with that. So about everyday I ask him if she has texted he says no. But how do I know I can believe him? Now here is another issue I have before he deleted her number I went through his phone and got the number. Should I call her and tell her to quit texting him? I remind you that he does not know I have her number or went through his phone. I really can't handle the stress as it very unhealthy for me and the baby. What would you guys do?

[reinventmyself]

I am sorry you are going through this, especially while pregnant with your boyfriend of 8 years.

Your issue seems mostly with her. You want to talk to her and have collected her number, yet it doesn't seem like

you have properly dealt with your boyfriend.

 

I think your anger is misdirected. HE allowed this to come between you. Keep this between the two of you.

I get if you actually acknowledged his responsibility and took the focus off of her, you might actually have to do something about him.

 

Sometimes these things can be fixed, but you have to deal with issue straight on and not go around it trying to circumvent and control other women he's allowed in his life. Deal with him.

[Wiseman2]

Is this new that he texts women? Is she a coworker? No do not call her. Ask your bf to stop texting her. Can't they just talk at work instead?

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years now and we are expecting our first child in 5 months. I also have 2 kids from a horrible relationships in the past. Should I call her and tell her to quit texting him?

[reinventmyself]

IF, and it's a big IF I were to want to work through this, I would put the responsibility squarely on him as it belongs.

 

I would tell him that he better fix this quick or the baby and I are gone, period.

He better figure out a way to make good on this and prove it to you too.

[Trulysad]

Is this new that he texts women? Is she a coworker? No do not call her. Ask your bf to stop texting her. Can't they just talk at work instead?

 

Yes this is new that is why I'm concerned it's out of the middle of nowhere. And theven fact that I had to call him out on it don't help ease my mind. When I asked him to have her stop texting him the first time he said ok you can text her back when she does. Than when I asks if she texted him again he said no I think she got the picture. One of the last text she sent him it said "come back" that's what he said. He said aid he ment come back to work or come back to texting him. It just seels really weird to me.

[Trulysad]

I am sorry you are going through this, especially while pregnant with your boyfriend of 8 years.

Your issue seems mostly with her. You want to talk to her and have collected her number, yet it doesn't seem like

you have properly dealt with your boyfriend.

 

I think your anger is misdirected. HE allowed this to come between you. Keep this between the two of you.

I get if you actually acknowledged his responsibility and took the focus off of her, you might actually have to do something about him.

 

Sometimes these things can be fixed, but you have to deal with issue straight on and not go around it trying to circumvent and control other women he's allowed in his life. Deal with him.

 

It also gets a little more weird because my mom also works with him. And I briefly told my mom about it because I was curious what kind of girl she was. And my mom didn't say anything good I quote she said she seems to be trashy.

[Trulysad]

IF, and it's a big IF I were to want to work through this, I would put the responsibility squarely on him as it belongs.

 

I would tell him that he better fix this quick or the baby and I are gone, period.

He better figure out a way to make good on this and prove it to you too.

 

 

I very much so want to to work through it this is 8years of my life and his. Also my other 2 kids have become very close with him aND call him dad. That's the thing too I'm not always with him so I don't know exactly when she tries to text him either.

[Matt3939]

Maybe I'm absolutely missing this or there's more background. I have no idea his work dynamic either. He gave his number to a coworker. OK she happens to be female. Has she texted him anything that wasn't work related? Don't call her and don't ask for his phone to text her back. You look a bit in the wrong. That's if it was all work related and innocent. If not it is what it is.

[reinventmyself]

That's the thing too I'm not always with him so I don't know exactly when she tries to text him either.

 

You keep putting his on her. So what if she texts him?

If you trust your man you shouldn't have to police him and he wouldn't be easily led away.

Personally, in light of everything he should be going out of his way to prove himself to you.

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps your mother is needlessly upsetting you? Stop the office gossip with your mother. Don't bother with the imaginary catfight in your mind. You're upsetting yourself and your mom is fueling it. He stop texting her, right?

It also gets a little more weird because my mom also works with him. And my mom didn't say anything good I quote she said she seems to be trashy.

[Trulysad]

And maybe I am in the wrong I don't know. All I know is out of the 8 years we have been together we've really never tasked to the opposite sex. Than all of a sudden this girl asks him for his number and he gives it to her. Than he can't even come out and tell me himself. AND when I asked him why he didn't tell me he gave out his number because he knew I'd be upset. Not to mention if I was giving my numbers out to guys I'd be cheating. This also fear comes from like I said my previous relationship filled with cheating and lies. I am also very insecure about myself which don't help any.

[Wiseman2]

Are you working? Perhaps you are becoming over emotional about this coworker fueled by your mother's office gossip? He's not having an affair is he?

we are expecting our first child in 5 months.

[Trulysad]

I know I get that but as a women's I think common sense maybe she would get it because like I said everyone knows that I am pregant being that my mom works there and so does he. So it should be out of respect maybe she shouldn't be worrying about getting his phone number. And until all this I never had no reason not to trust him.

[Wiseman2]

It's not her responsibility to 'get it' it's your bf's.

I think common sense maybe she would get it because like I said everyone knows that I am pregant being that my mom works there and so does he.

[Trulysad]

I do work I work full time mornings amd he works nights. I'm not 100% sure if he is cheating or having an affair. I guess not knowing if there has been any type of flirting or any thoughts about it is driving me nuts. He keeps telling me I'm the only one he wants but my past is playing a big factor in these feelings because it was the same situation. All I want for him to do is to tell her to quit texting him and to loose his number. I do know that her number is not in his phone because he deleted it after I eXpressed my feelings to him. So that could be a positive sign right?

[Hollyj]

I know I get that but as a women's I think common sense maybe she would get it because like I said everyone knows that I am pregant being that my mom works there and so does he. So it should be out of respect maybe she shouldn't be worrying about getting his phone number. And until all this I never had no reason not to trust him.

 

Your concern is totally misdirected. This is on your bf, not HER!

 

I cannot believe you would consider telling her that she shouldn't contact him, this is his job. I think you would look quite silly if you did this.

 

You need to focus on your relationship, not this woman.

[notalady]

Your concern is totally misdirected. This is on your bf, not HER!

 

I cannot believe you would consider telling her that she shouldn't contact him, this is his job. I think you would look quite silly if you did this.

 

You need to focus on your relationship, not this woman.

 

Indeed. 100% agree.

 

It's not about her and it's not her responsibility to "stay away" from your boyfriend - her co-worker. There's nothing wrong with exchanging numbers with your co-workers, to her it may seem completely normal and appropriate.

 

It's up to your boyfriend to hold up his end of your relationship and enforce relationship boundaries, so if he thinks she's being inappropriate, he should tell her to stop it. If he doesn't, and seems to participate, then clearly he's enjoying it, and he's the one you should be having a problem with, not her. It's not up to you to contact her, he should be the one dealing with it.

 

On the other hand, you haven't indicated anything showing that their communication was inappropriate. Do you both not "talk to the opposite sex" as in outside of professional capacity or as in never ever anywhere? Regardless, neither seems healthy. We all come in contact with the opposite sex in our lives. If you can't trust him to not cheat and have to actually cut off the entire gender to make sure of it, then sadly your relationship is really not on solid grounds.

[HeartGoesOn]

I do know that her number is not in his phone because he deleted it after I eXpressed my feelings to him. So that could be a positive sign right?

 

No.

 

He should have had enough common sense to delete her number on his own, without your input, (imo). Either way, this is his battle to fight. How he handles this, should give you a fair indication of what lies ahead.

[Trulysad]

Thank you all for the positive and negative feedback. But the situation is alot more serious when there our kids involved and another one on the way. Plus 8 years of my life I'm not going to just throw it away over a silly situation and all I continue is to work on it.

[Hollyj]

Is your bf working on it, or is only you?

[Trulysad]

Is your bf working on it, or is only you?

 

Our story is more complicated than what I am putting off. I believe that he is working on this. With that being said he didn't have a father figure growing up. His mother was with various guys at a time. He stepped up 8years ago for 2 children that aren't his. We have sat down and talked about both of our feelings and we are currently working through it. I didn't start this forum for him to get bashed. I started it to get a device because I really have no one to get advice from.

[Hollyj]

We are not here to bash, but for you to see things in a clearer perspective. By blaming this woman, you are placing yourself in a state of denial, which is not good for you or your kids.

 

He should not have given her the number, or communicated with her. Period. I suggest counseling you get to the root of your problem, as being defensive/denial does not serve any purpose.