Is it me that changed or is it the cosmic sense of humanity?

[BCBoy81]

Sometimes, I wonder if it's me or them.

 

What's wrong with me? I can't seem to attract flies if I tried. My lovelife has consisted of a horny 16 year old, and a brain damaged 25 year old.

My kingdom for a decent woman!!

 

But that's just it!! I can only seem to make "friends". Not that that's a bad thing, but when it's a love interest, it's a real kick in the teeth.

 

I'm an employed (though not great) 23 year old fella, 5'11", 175 lbs, brown hair, brown eyes and while I wouldn't consider myself overly attractive, everything is where it should be.

 

I have many hobbies, am interested in tons of activities have an outrageous sense of humor and as I' said, I couldn't attract flies.... and I've tried!! Oh sure, I get the usual 14 year old twinkie telling me I'm cute.... and yeah it's a bit of an ego boost but get real.

 

One of the problems I've run into is that I don't smoke, I've never done drugs and I rarely, (and I mean RARELY) drink. thereforeeee, I've been tied with the label "No Fun". Which is really weird because a few of my lush friends take me out, and we have a great time - dancing, singing, playing pool whatever yet at the end of the night, THEY are the ones hooking up.

 

I admit, I'm not a fan of clubs. Dance music ain't exactly my bag, but if there's a live band playing (and they're good) I'm there!! Heck, I impressed the living bejeezus out of a bunch of people last time a live band came thru. I asked them if they (bassist and drummer) knew the song Johnny B. Goode. I play guitar and I know that song by heart!! Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly are my idols! They said yeah and I asked if I could stand in. They were shocked but let me and we rocked the place!!

And still, at the end of the night.... my buddies hooked up and I got the shaft.

 

And the girls I do meet always give me some kinda lame BS about why they don't like me. And it's usually something stupid, petty and shallow. Now, I know what you're going to say "Those girls aren't worth your time" Sure, allright fine. BUT ALL OF THEM?????? What does it take?

My first GF just wanted to lose her virginity, the second one was a gold-digger that saw an opportunity in me after her husband of 3 years divorced her. As soon as she heard that I had money put away, the dollar signs in her eyes lit up and she was on me like stink on a monkey. As soon as my mother said (to my ex) that I wasn't going to get a red cent as long as I was with her (the ex) she took off and went and latched onto the first man she could get her claws into.

 

Now, I have to admit, I'm glad that I didn't get roped into that one, but at the same time.... I felt hurt because THAT is all I could attract. Most girls don't even give me a second glance.

 

I've tried online dating, I've taken self-help courses, read thousands of books on the subject and it just seems the more I try the more I fail. Am I not emitting a certain pheromone or what? All they ever want to be is friends.... If I'm lucky. If they want to stay friends, they're always "busy" and I never see them again. They always say it but never mean it.

 

To make a long rant short, WHAT DOES IT TAKE?? How does anybody else attract a mate? I hate to say it but desperation has set in a long time ago. I'm going to be turning 24 and whereas most guys my age have had many relationships and/or are even getting married, here I am.... alone and going mad. I've even run out of single guy friends to hang out with cuz they're all either shacked up, married, expecting or something!!

[HajiMaji]

I read your post and im feelin you man. 2 things.

 

1. Attracting a mate has 90% to do with luck. I enjoyed an awesome relationship with my last girl. It ended in a lot of sadness and heartbreak fro me, but it was still amazing. Up until the day we got together i felt like you, then suddenly it didnt matter anymore.

 

2. Attracting a mate doesnt really matter, cause once youve got her that skill is useless. Honestly id rather have a greater ability to love then a greater ability to attract women. Sure it might take ya longer to get a girlfriend, but in time youll get one and youll be able to have an awesome relationship.

 

Ive had one deep relationship now. Before that relationship i was sweating the fact i didnt have a girl. I didnt change or do anything different. Im tellin ya, it just happened. Do your thang, and eventually youll get lucky. An awesome girl will come into your life and youll have a great time. Its easy for me to have faith since its happened to me once, itll be harder for you to have the same attitude. Im sure you arent doing anything wrong. It just takes a long time to meet a romantic partner. Its something worth waiting for!

[ArcadianX]

One of the problems I've run into is that I don't smoke, I've never done drugs and I rarely, (and I mean RARELY) drink. thereforeeee, I've been tied with the label "No Fun". Which is really weird because a few of my lush friends take me out, and we have a great time - dancing, singing, playing pool whatever yet at the end of the night, THEY are the ones hooking up.

If the women you meet are claiming that you're no fun because you don't have an addiction, then you need to radically change the pool of women that you are meeting. You might need to spend less time with your lush friends going to dance clubs where everyone drinks and smokes.

[Blue Skittles]

I know this is really nuts but you know it usually works.. at least for me, and probably countless other people in this world. Just stop looking. Stop trying to attract people, just be alone for awhile and make a conscious decision to stop dating. The girls will come buzzing, I tell ya. Thats what I did, I made a conscious decision to be a 'cat lady' and stop dating men for awhile, and whereas before I had trouble getting a date, now i have MANY guys that are wanting to date me. It kinda sucks how life works like that. But thats how it is...

[Sadness_Creeping]

BCBoy81 - You sound like me, even the same age and height LOL, but ya im single now, have had like 3 long relationships(havent even been single for a year, total since i was 16), and now i live alone...and now not able to get a date for the life of me..but ya..i think alone time is what i need right now anyways...last gf cheated on me, so i have to give my self time to heal anyways

 

Blue Skittles - you know...thats a really good advice, and now that you mention it, ive heard that before from someone...im going to just do that...i dont need anyone, and im doing alright on my own...so ya, screw trying to find someone right now. thanks for the advice!

-SC

[greenie35]

Just stop looking. Stop trying to attract people, just be alone for awhile and make a conscious decision to stop dating. The girls will come buzzing, I tell ya. It kinda sucks how life works like that. But thats how it is...

 

Exactly the point I was going to make!!