BCBoy81

Been there. When my grampa died.... we all saw it coming. He'd been in a home, then in a hospital for the last four years. In my eyes, it felt more like a blessing. I'd refused to go see him during his last days, but my mother forced me. Personally, I'd rather have had my last memories of my grandfather being the happy, proud, well respected man that he was - as opposed to being the emaciated skeleton that was lying in a diaper. Some people don't understand, but those of us that can accept death as a fact of life just deal with it better! You'll show grief in your own time and your own way. When you see it coming though, like in both our cases.... you deal with it before the actual event. Sunrise.... Sunset. To live is to die, To Die is to awaken. Que cera, cera And so forth and so on. My condolences on the passing of your grandmother.

I've found that a girl with a large number of friends (both male and female) is intimidating. I've been in the situation before (several times now) where they simply do not have the time nor the space for anyone new in their lives. Also, chances are when they have lots of friends, they really don't want any more! Been there, done that.

What a load of crap. Sorry but I gotta call BS on this one. I "stopped looking" and I've been single for almost 2 years.

Well, I know she's a little on the busy side. She just moved to a new place, is working all week and school starts next week? Maybe I'll just give her a shout, see what's up. Not make any plans, just talk. How's that sound?

You casually mention to a girl that you're seeing "Hey, you should call me when you're not busy" and she says "OK" and then never calls.... She's not interested, right?? It's been a week *sigh*

Oh I don't expect her to. She's prob'ly out with her friends by now already, that's fine with me. I might call tonight just to talk, not make any plans, etc. But we'll see.

I don't want to seem pushy.

Well, it's been a good few months since I last posted. I tried patching things up with my ex, it worked for a bit, we were friends again but I knew it wouldn't last and it didn't. Needless to say, after enough tries, that book has closed. About 2 weeks ago, I was working the morning shifts at the grocery store where I work. I noticed we hired a few new cashiers and one of them really tickled my fancy. Tall, absolutely cute, nice body, dark hair and green eyes. That week, when I knew I was working and she was too, I made it a point to go thru her 'till when I was on my break. Always made a joke or two and minor chit-chat and she seemed really open and friendly and receptive! I was so hooked. That following week, I knew she was finished at 2 and I started at 3. I made it a point to go in early. I've been working on myself the past few months and figured it was do or die!! Time to grow some stones and ask this girl out for coffee. So, I went in an hour early, knowing full well she was there. She came up to the lunch room and we started kibitzing. I sighed and said that I musta read the schedule wrong, I came in an hour early and since I had an hour to kill, wanna go get a coffee?? Well I'll be damned, she said YES!!!!! So I formally intro'd myself and we walked down the plaza to this little coffee shop. As it turns out, neither of us really drink coffee so we both had a juice and sat down to get to know eachother!! I was nervous and I'm sure she was too but man if I wasn't having fun. She went home and mentioned she'd be back later to check her schedule when it was posted. She did, my friends let me know when she came in, we "bumped into" eachother... walked around, followed her out to her car and continued a conversation and finally, I did it..... I asked for her number!!!!! And I GOT IT OMFG!! I called her two days later to wish her a happy b-day and you could hear her smile through the phone. Major brownie points that day Well, last night we made plans and went for chinese food and came back to my place for a few games of pool. As it turns out, we have TRUCKLOADS in common, she's intelligent, she's beautiful, she's tall, she likes cars and almost everything I do!! I'm totally falling for this girl!! When I took her home, I got a great big, VERY firm hug and she told me I should call her again!!!! Obviously VERY good signs! My mom & friends have commented they've NEVER seen me this happy before and I honestly can't remember the last time I've been this happy. Typical Leo, I'm so strutting my stuff right now. But, HOW do you keep from jumping the gun and appearing to over zealous? I called her today from work and asked her if she wanted to come to my car clubs' monthly meeting. She said she would love to sometime but had plans tonight. She kept it very positive, we joked and it really didn't sound like she was trying to blow me off, it's just she had made plans already. She told me had I called sooner, she'd have prob'ly said yes. DOH!! So now, my train of thought, is to maybe NOT call her tomorrow? I know it's friday but maybe it is a good idea to sit one day out, maybe call her saturday or sunday and make plans for the following week? Does that seem fair? She just turned 20, I'm 24.... good split I feel I just don't want to appear needy or smothering but damn, I've fallen for her like a load of bricks! *sigh* \

It's an uphill battle. I go thru the same thing every day. Surrounded by people yet so alone. I have a few really good friends, but they all moved away and it's hard to hug people over MSN. I don't know why I keep going but I do. I'm not going to say it's easy cuz it's not. I work 7 days a week just to keep my mind off how lonely I really am. I haven't had a day off since March.

I agree with the other posters. Set limits.... Limit contact..... show some self control. I did a year of NC with my ex, just in the past week we've begun talking, hashed out some issues we both had.... and I believe it's the start of what I hope turns out to be a good friendship. You can do it too!

Well believe it or not, we had a long talk tonight and I confronted her nicely about the BS. And you know what? She started being honest with me and she told me a LOT of what happened over the past year and the surprising thing was - it matched the info I was given. I'm pretty satisfied with that. I was glad to finally hear it come from her. Hopefully, she'll keep it up and be successful down on the coast. I guess sometimes, some people just need to be told their doing something wrong. I just pray she keeps up the honesty.

Just in two days of talking, she's already lied to me a handful of times. She's denied things when I know in truth, they DID happen. She even slipped up and let the cat out of the bag. Like, if she DIDN'T sleep with the last guy she was with.... why did she go for AIDS testing? Simple things like that. Sad to say, she hasn't changed.

She's definitely not the most intelligent being 27. Crazy? Not legally--- yet. But you do bring up a point with the whole "ex" thing. I guess I should've tackled this topic with more force when we were an item.

Hey all. You may or may not have been following my tales of recently talking to my ex after almost a year of No Contact. While things are still on shakey ground, even in just 2 days of talking to her I've noticed she still stretches the truth about herself. She did this through-out our previous "relationship" and she's still doing it. I'm thinking it's time to confront her about this because I honestly don't think she realizes the damage she does to even just friendly relations by doing this. It was the major contributing factor which lead to my breaking things off with her. I'm an honest fella and I just could not tolerate the BS any longer. My train of thought is: With a Lie, there is no Trust. With no Trust, there can be no Love. She's supposed to come over tomorrow morning for me to help her with a few things on her car. I thought this might be a good opportunity to talk out a few issues. What would be the best way of approaching the topic? (My personality would choose the most direct route, but this isn't always the most considerate)

We're supposed to work on her car this week (electrical problems). I called her today from work and let her know my schedule. She said she'd call back in the next day and let me know hers. Guess the ball is in her court now. We'll see where it goes. But you're right, over the last 2 days, she has been somewhat neutral. Hasn't shown me much emotion but I can get her to laugh and joke n' stuff. Last night when I said a few thing's I got what to me sounded like a very sincere "aww, that's sweet. Thank you." I just want to be friends. I have enough enemies, I don't need past lovers as enemies.

Well, I went and did it. I talked to my ex on friday and we went out for coffee. Pretty much the first real contact I've had with her since last September. We talked about basically life over the past year and that she's moving etc. So far, she's cool with being friends. She even gave me her new phone number, which I tried today and it was the real deal. Last night at our Car Club Post Show shindig, she was a little "iffy". Meaning one minute she was cool with talking to me, the next minute she was ignoring me. She probably wouldn't have said goodbye to me if I hadn't said anything. I did walk her to her car and we talked for another 10 minutes and I just outright told her that I'm being sincere, I'm not out to play games, I just want to bridge the gap between us and be friends. And, once again she was all cool to talk again. Personally, I think she's still trying to figure the whole situation out, but I found it a little odd and maybe hurtful that before I said anything.... she went and said goodbye to a friend of mine, but not me. Perhaps I'm merely over-reacting. We have made unofficial plans to see eachother once more this week to chit-chat and say goodbye. She's taking off for the coast later this week. The last day or so, I've been feeling a little better about things. I do still care about her, and I want her to be happy. She might be pretty simple, but she's got a big heart. All in all, I'd say I did OK probably did the right thing and so forth and so forth.

I need to learn to stop calling her names. She's not crazy, just a girl with ABI. (For those not in the know, that Acquired Brain Injury) While she may be 27, she's MAYBE 16-17 developmentally. Other than her complete lack of intelligence, we had a GOOD relationship, until she started to get SUPER clingy and scare off all my friends. And while I don't have many friends, the few I DO have we've all made a pact : "US BEFORE *beep*" My ex, unfortunately was the latter so I had to say goodbye as she was really getting on the nerves of my friends and family with her incessant phone calls. Add in having her showing up at all times of the day/night unannounced and you can probably get the idea of why I broke up with her. I did try talking to her about this, and she said she understood but it only seemed to make matters worse. When I did finally grow a pair and decided to break up, I did it in a "not-so-nice, get-away-from-me" kinda way, and maybe I feel I should have considered her feelings too. At the time, I was just too angry and wanted her out of my life. She broke down bawling in my driveway and asked if we could still be friends and I replied with "When I'm ready". She left and that night returned all my stuff from her apartment. After throwing herself at every single guy in our car club, one guy saw the opprtunity and decided to play games. She thought he was a god send. All this, barely 1 week after I broke up with her. Rebound?? Naw. A couple months later, I decided maybe I wasn't angry with her anymore and decided to make contact and when I found out who she was with, I nearly shat myself. This guy is a renouned drug dealer, alcoholic womanizer. I warned her about this guy and she told him, and he hunted me down and threatened me to mind my own business. He even admitted he was just *messing* with her because she had large breasts. I decided to initiate NC. She tried talking to me a few times, but I simply ignored her. Fast forward 8 months and that guy who she was with did a number on her! Her life had become a downward spiral of booze, sex and drugs. She's not with him anymore.... their breakup was no secret. The police were involved -- Several times. Hard to believe that 3 years ago, she was married, living in the big city doing quite well for herself. Then divorced, moved back home and basically lost it all. Regardless, I still care about her as a human being. I don't wish her any harm - I wish her all the best! If she's moving off to try and start again, maybe she's started using her brain and thinking for a change. Maybe she's learned a lesson over the past 2 years. Maybe it's time to talk to her and give her my best wishes. Even though we may have not been the nicest to eachother over the past year, maybe it's a good time to start fresh. I have no problems with being her friend as long as that's as far as it goes. We all need somebody sometime. I could go into more detail, but I think that gives a good idea of the situation.

I've heard thru the grapevine that my crazy ex is moving back to the coast. She's still part of our car club and will be at our annual function this weekend. Would it be.... appropriate to break No contact to say goodbye and give her best wishes? I think it would be maybe a bit of closure for both of us. I know she's had a hard run this past year without me in her life....

Girls will flirt with anything. They think it's harmless.

I dunno if they effect a relationship. The only time I've been to one was after I got out of a relationship. I don't see why it should.... I wouldn't sleep with the dancer, just there to watch and look at other women. Guys do that - it's in our genetic make-up to look. Only modern society puts a leash on us. If I had a girlfriend and she "looked" I'd be fine with it. She's only human.

I'll reply to this - my reply may sound harsh - but I come from a long line of alcoholics and I also live in an area where there literally is nothing to do but drink. You have two steps you can do: 1) State your concern. Give help where you can (Don't become a Doormat) and possible help them seek professional help. 2) Failing the above - WALK AWAY. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. IF THEY DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT YOUR HELP, DON'T FIGHT THE LOSING BATTLE. Darwinian theory will eventually take over. They'll either realize themselves that they need help or die. Sad but true.

All the girls I've dated have been Double-D or bigger. I like it. Then again, I'm different and I don't mind if girls are a little larger or even taller. To each they're own!

I wonder how WOMEN can do the same!! My ex was one of those. Before she dated me, she slept around and after I broke things off with her, back to her old tricks. I'm strange. I would be disappointed in myself if I had a one night stand. My last relationship became a sexual one and as time went on, I wondered why I wasn't enjoying sex. The more I thought about it, the more I found I did not "love" her. I eventually broke it off based on that premise. I enjoyed her company (more or less) but couldn't continue a relationship with someone I didn't love. All the women I seem to meet are extremely promiscuous. They seem to be proud of the fact that they've been with 20 other guys. Personally, I find that idea revolting. So, in closing, not ALL guys are like that, but I will admit a good majority of them are. Sad but true.

Been down that road. Cut your losses and run. Anybody who says "I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend" is just basically attempting to be nice. I would just rather that person be honest and simply say "Piss Off". Whenever I hear "I don't want a...." it freaks me out. That pretty much means "I think I want to play stupid little head games with you". Like, get real. EVERYBODY wants a mate. That's the whole point of human existence. It's a bad excuse. Cut and run.

Sounds like he's a little like me - Unsure and not very confident. I've been down that road. Dated a girl for a while who was, well.... like me.... not in the best shape but not overweight by any stretch. Regardless, she started working out and losing weight, and eventually.... other guys took notice of her and she just up and dumped me 'cuz she found a better looking guy. Yeah, I know.... she's superficial.... but the scar has been made and insecure guys don't get over things as heart-wrenching as that. Maybe you should reassure him that you're doing it all for him (and for yourself) and just try to let him know that you're not out there doing it for other guys??? That's my thoughts on the subject.