Need advice on what to do

[blain4081]

Happy New Years eve people! Recently this December has been crazy for me my girlfriend or ex decided to end a 2 year relationship with me. Before I go on I like to describe our relationship. We weren't abusive to each other physically we weren't treating each other badly we were the couple that our friends adored and enjoyed seeing post on social media. We were happy in person also small quick dates and long dates we had some small fights but overall we made up. We always talked about our future going to Disneyland and so on so that assured me that she was on the same page. Now as for my ex she was a independent, smart, and hardworking, honest women. She hardly lied and was always open to telling me stuff. We are both 20 and in college and for the past two years we had no trouble balancing that out. She is a Biology major and wants to become a Dentist or specifically a Orthodontist, I majored in Sociology but did it for my Army ROTC program to become an officer in two years. Since October I have been busy with the program with events, class work, Physically training sessions. She invited me to many family events (note she is family oriented) I attended the smaller ones such as lunch and small parties with her family, but due to my schedule I was unable to go to bigger events like a So Cal trip, and her siblings birthday due to the fact I was booked that entire weekend with work and my program. Fast forward to December where I had to miss her dinner party for work as her plus one, I text her after I started to notice she was not putting in much effort in texting. After a talk through text and phone calls she basically told me she cannot love anyone anymore and wants to focus on herself. She said she doesn't see herself an Army wife and wants someone here while she still in school . And said she somewhat lost feelings for me. After many times of trying to ask if we can give a try and a short break nothing was fixed still she felt the same for both things. I even compromised about the military thing (I know that's wrong to do) telling her I was willing to go into the Reserves as an officer and finding a career her also she said no. So now that all this happened during Christmas time I tried to accept it and went no contact, three days in she calls me to check up on me. The call bothered me I then resorted back to seeing if we can fix it. She said no, I then went back to no contact where she texted me four days later Merry Christmas this time I didn't ask for another chance I just gave her a closure text and went back to no contact. Its been about 7 days of real no contact and at first I blocked her everywhere on social media but i took advice from my friend that it just bothers you more to message her if I do so so I unblocked her and i have no urge to message her or stalk or social media. Pretty much I have been going to gym venting to friends and trying to find new hobbies. Sorry for the long response people, but is there anything i can do. Whether it is short term or long term will she come back or should i just fully focus on my career and move on? Thank you guys and happy holidays!

[gebaird]

It sounds like there are some fundamental incompatibilities here. Even if she does come back, it will end the same way. You have a clear career path (which you should NOT give up, for her or anyone else) that is incompatible with her desire to have a boyfriend who either has the same priorities she does or is willing to subjugate his own desires to hers. What some girls would see as a strength--your commitment to a cause that matters to you--she sees as a weakness. No amount of talking will change her mind.

 

As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts, I'd let her go and look for someone who can offer emotional support as you work to achieve your goals (as opposed to someone who is actively working against you).

[blain4081]

It sounds like there are some fundamental incompatibilities here. Even if she does come back, it will end the same way. You have a clear career path (which you should NOT give up, for her or anyone else) that is incompatible with her desire to have a boyfriend who either has the same priorities she does or is willing to subjugate his own desires to hers. What some girls would see as a strength--your commitment to a cause that matters to you--she sees as a weakness. No amount of talking will change her mind.

 

As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts, I'd let her go and look for someone who can offer emotional support as you work to achieve your goals (as opposed to someone who is actively working against you).

 

Thanks for the quick reply! At one point I did doubt my career but that is so wrong to do. She told me she wants to stay in the city we are in for the rest of her career I want to travel so it makes sense. Although she is my second relationship it is hard as we did many things together such as sexually and so on for the first time. Last time I did call her she told me she does think about me but probably not as much as me I'm having trouble sleeping at times and knowing she is probably moving forward. She was selfish at times which I should've noticed such as when I was in an car accident she did not visit me at home.