Really lost :(

[Viceroy]

My ex dumped me five months ago, and immediately started dating a friend of hers. I honestly think that this is a serious relationship, and she eventually will marry the guy (extreme, but that's my fear). Anyways, since the breakup I have worked on healing, I don't hate her for dumping me etc.... We've had some light contact since then, and she ended up getting my an xmas gift and the day after I got her a candle that I knew was her favorite. I guess you could say I am coming to peace with the breakup, I know I couldn't change my behavior unless I was dumped.

 

I've spent the breakup working on my issues, and I really feel that I have grown as a person, and am more mature (was dumped because of attitude, always wanted sex, didn't take her out as much, stuff like that). She knows how I feel I am sure of that, but I also know that if she wanted to be with me she would be with me. I really want to tell her once last time how I feel, should I? Is moving on totally about having no contact with the person whatsoever? I wouldn't be happy as just her friend, what do I do? Nothing, since she has a boyfriend and move on? I am so frustrated and upset, damn, it hurts so much

[CurlyQSue]

if she is happy in this new relationship I think putting yourself in that position again would confuse her or upset her or whatever. I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell her how you feel and maybe the best way for you to get over her is to lose all contact. Do you honestly think if you guys got back together things would be different? Have you changed enough? Does she even still seem to like you? and why'd you guys get eachother gifts if you aren't together?

[Viceroy]

Honestly, Yes, I do think things would be different because the issues I had were fixable, and I have worked hard at becoming a better man. She bought me a gift first and the next day I got her one so I wouldn't feel guilty

[Wiseman2]

No don't set yourself up for heartache. It's been 5 mos, she's got a bf and telling her this will only hurt you. It would be best to go no contact, block, not get gifts or tell her how you feel, etc. It's only an ego boost for her and an exercise in futility for you.

 

It may be time to set up a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start browsing who's out there for you. After a while start messaging women and set up some coffee meets.

started dating a friend of hers. I really want to tell her once last time how I feel, should I?

[CurlyQSue]

well I guess I'm just curious as to why she would buy you a gift. Are you guys good friends now? because light contact doesn't sound like means for a gift. it's hard for me to say it'd be ok to go and talk to her about this just because she is with someone else. You had a chance. Maybe it's best to wait for the next chance IF it ever comes.

[TheT]

I think its a gamble. So maybe treat it like a gamble. Tell her how you feel, if it does confuse and upset her, then seriously initiate no contact out of respect for her. So that sje can feel more comfortable and less guilty moving on. Her response might also help you develop closure if its not what you want to hear. Just be mindful of your presentation and do. Not. Pressure her. Good luck man.

[Viceroy]

Thanks, It's killing me, but you're right. I have got to stop, she's gone. It's been 5 months, if she wanted me she would be back already. Thank you!

[Hollyj]

She is in a relationship, and it sounds very serious. I cannot think of anything more disrespectful to her and her relationship than to tell her your feelings. You should not be in contact if you have these feelings.

 

I think you need to work on your boundary-busting ways!!!! Dude, how would you feel if someone had done this to your relationship???

[Viceroy]

Yeah, but what get me a personal gift then? I am sure she didn't tell her boyfriend that she got me a gift, he wouldn't be happy about that, and if I was him, I wouldn't be either.

[Hollyj]

I agree. I would not be happy about it. What was the gift?

 

I would let this be.

[Viceroy]

A 20 dollar steam gift card; knowing I like pc games. She shouldn't have gotten me anything, her boyfriend wouldn't be happy if he knew about that.

[Wiseman2]

You claim you were friends and in touch. It seems you are hoping this may indicate reconciliation and that she's on the outs with her bf? I gave the housecleaner, mail carrier, lawn care guys, delivery guy, trash collectors, newspaper delivery kid and some others gifts, but I don't want to date them, just the spirit of the season.

[No1]

Wayyyy too much thinking here my friend. Simplicity and Acceptability (is that even a word?) Anyway.. I digress

Lets start with the gift. She got you a gift because she wanted to. There is your answer. No doorway left open, not to make you think of her, not to say I want you back.. she got you a gift because she wanted to. Accept that she did... now comes the Acceptability part.

 

Accept that it is over between the two of you. There is no need to remain in contact with her because you two are not 'friends'. She might see you as a friend, but you dont see her in that way. So you two are not friends. Can you two be friends in the future? Absolutely.. but the want to be with her romnatically must fade away for that to happen. Friends are supportive of one another.

 

Once you accept the current situation, you will see that it is much easier to move on. Here is the situation. She is not with you, she is with someone else, and you are single and free to date who you want.

 

I am not a huge fan of "no contact" I think limited may be okay. but ask yourself and be honest. When you contact her do you feel anxiety in any way? If you do, then Limited is not for you. You should not talk to her for a while.

 

In the end you are going to be happy again. The sooner you accept that its over, she is not coming back, then you can begin your journey in moving forward

[requiem]

Thanks, It's killing me, but you're right. I have got to stop, she's gone. It's been 5 months, if she wanted me she would be back already. Thank you!

 

My parents split up for 6 months (NC) before getting back together and having me. Still happily married.

 

You know her better than any of us, so you're in the best position to judge why she purchased the gift. If she does that for a lot of people, then she's just being nice. But if she doesn't, then there are a lot of reasons why she would: maybe she feels bad, maybe she is holding onto you as a fallback, etc., etc.

 

Although I wouldn't recommend it, if you feel like you must reach out to her, keep it light. Get a feel of her responses before opening yourself up to having your heart broken yet again.