After first date who should txt first?

[sd95]

Yeah, which is what OP was thinking too, about her ....since she didn't text either.

 

 

I have went no contact for 7 days hoping the girl would get the hint and that's probably what this girl thought

[Sportster2005]

I get (and got) what you were you saying mustlovedogs. I understand it completely!

 

I am kinda done debating this. Only to say (generally speaking) I hardly think shooting off a quick text mid week saying "hey, how's your week going?" or something like that would be considered 'crazy or clingy'. He sent the last text after all.

 

But like I said, in *this* situation, he sounded meh. As it turned out he was meh.

 

I probably would not have texted either in the same situation.

 

Or maybe I would have responded back *immediately* after he said he would like to see me again too.

 

Something like, "Sounds good. Have a great rest of weekend and chat with you soon"! Showing some enthusiasm. Assuming I really dug the guy.

 

But in this case, she did the right thing, cuz it turned out he wasn't ready/not interested anyway.

 

It's awesome you're putting yourself out there Katrina !!

 

And I do want to chime in with agreement. He didn't go when he got the green light. Gender is irrelevant. If you don't act interested, then non-interest will be reciprocated 9 times out 10.

[DonnaSophia]

Try an actual phone call for your next date request. I find it strange, or maybe desperate, that after you asked someone out, they suggest you to ask them out again.

[katrina1980]

Try an actual phone call for your next date request. I find it strange, or maybe desperate, that after you asked someone out, they suggest you to ask them out again.

 

Maybe you posted this^ in the wrong thread, but he didn't ask her out again, nor did SHE ever suggest he ask her out again.

 

SHE told him she'd like to see him again, and he responded he'd like that too (paraphrasing). That was it, they didn't talk after that.

 

There was no him asking her for a second date, ever. Or her suggesting him to.

[sd95]

Maybe you posted this^ in the wrong thread, but he didn't ask her out again, nor did SHE ever suggest he ask her out again.

 

SHE told him she'd like to see him again, and he responded he'd like that too (paraphrasing). That was it, they didn't talk after that.

 

There was no him asking her for a second date, ever. Or her suggesting him to.

 

 

 

And that's probably because it's the guy who initiates and plans the second date

[katrina1980]

And that's probably because it's the guy who initiates and plans the second date

 

Oh really? I asked my boyfriend out for the FIRST date, even though I suppose HE should have initiated it.

 

lol, I am actually just teasing you, I mean I did ask him out but there's a bit of a story behind that.

[sd95]

Oh really? I asked my boyfriend out for the FIRST date, even though I suppose HE should have initiated it.

 

lol, I am actually just teasing you, I mean I did ask him out but there's a bit of a story behind that.

 

 

Lots of time a woman may not respond back to the guy to save face and avoid being rejected especially if they both sent a text after the date. She figured he was interested and waited for the follow up text about the next date and since it never came she probably didn't want to put herself out there like that.

[JaggerJim]

She probably thinks you went out on other dates with other woman, and that's why she thinks you didn't text her after a week.

 

If you try and tell her "you were busy" you will probably get the eye roll. Why are you trying to date when your so busy anyways?

[zeino]

Maybe you posted this^ in the wrong thread, but he didn't ask her out again, nor did SHE ever suggest he ask her out again.

 

SHE told him she'd like to see him again, and he responded he'd like that too (paraphrasing). That was it, they didn't talk after that.

 

There was no him asking her for a second date, ever. Or her suggesting him to.

 

I think she "suggested" he ask her out again by saying she would like to see him again. So the post seems to be in the correct thread.

[katrina1980]

I think she "suggested" he ask her out again by saying she would like to see him again. So the post seems to be in the correct thread.

 

Ok, tnx for setting me straight.

[zeino]

Ok, tnx for setting me straight.

 

I tried to set the record straight the way I understand it. I think you are a lovely person with a bright mind and a big heart. And you don't need to be set straight. I don't see myself in a position to set you straight and truşy believe that if you need setting straight, you can do it much better than anyone here.

 

Good vibes to you from this side of the world.

[katrina1980]

I tried to set the record straight the way I understand it. I think you are a lovely person with a bright mind and a big heart. And you don't need to be set straight. I don't see myself in a position to set you straight and truşy believe that if you need setting straight, you can do it much better than anyone here.

 

Good vibes to you from this side of the world.

 

Thank you, what a sweet thing to say, feeling is very mutual!!

 

Gotta correct you though, cause sometimes yes I definitely do need to be set straight, my brain spins so fast sometimes, I miss things, and always appreciate when someone points that out.

 

Cheers and happy holidays!

[zeino]

Thank you, what a sweet thing to say, feeling is very mutual!!

 

Gotta correct you though, cause sometimes yes I definitely do need to be set straight, my brain spins so fast sometimes, I miss things, and always appreciate when someone points that out.

 

Cheers and happy holidays!

 

Happy holidays to you, too!

[browneyedgirl36]

It's awesome you're putting yourself out there Katrina !!

 

And I do want to chime in with agreement. He didn't go when he got the green light. Gender is irrelevant. If you don't act interested, then non-interest will be reciprocated 9 times out 10.

 

Exactly. What I got from this is that 1) They went out; 2) SHE texted first to say she had a good time, and she suggested they meet again, in an attempt to gauge his interest; 3) He gave her a response, but didn't try to pin down a particular day, and then proceeded not to contact her for a week.

 

The way I see it, she showed interest by immediately following up after the date with a text to gauge his interest. When he responded but didn't suggest possible days to meet up again, she probably questioned his interest and decided that, if he wanted to follow up with a request for a date on a specific day, he would. He didn't, so....she probably figured he wasn't interested.

 

I give her credit for texting him so soon after the date to express interest in seeing him again. In my experience, people DO NOT do this unless they have interest. Also in my experience though, the vague response along the lines of "Yeah, sure, we should get together again sometime" without asking when I'm free/when I'd like to meet, well...I take that as letting me down easy.

 

When I met my fiancee for coffee the first time, I knew right away that I liked him and wanted to see him again, and I was planning to text him later that night or the next morning to gauge his interest -- i.e. "Hey! It was nice meeting you. If you're interested in meeting up again, I'd be up for that!" He beat me to the punch, though, texting me not too long after I got home (I had about a 30 minute drive from where we'd met) to say he enjoyed meeting me and would like to meet again and asking me if I was free for dinner Friday or Saturday night that same week. He didn't just say he'd like to meet again -- he had specific days in mind! I wasn't available one of nights, but I was the other one, so I wrote back almost immediately to say "Hey! I enjoyed meeting you too! I'm busy Friday, but I'm free Saturday and would love to have dinner."

I loved how easy it was -- no waiting, no hinting, no "putting the ball in someone's court," etc. Just , "I'm interested. Are you? Great. Let's meet on this date. Cool." So simple. Dating should not be nearly as complicated as people make it.

[katrina1980]

Exactly. What I got from this is that 1) They went out; 2) SHE texted first to say she had a good time, and she suggested they meet again, in an attempt to gauge his interest; 3) He gave her a response, but didn't try to pin down a particular day, and then proceeded not to contact her for a week.

 

The way I see it, she showed interest by immediately following up after the date with a text to gauge his interest. When he responded but didn't suggest possible days to meet up again, she probably questioned his interest and decided that, if he wanted to follow up with a request for a date on a specific day, he would. He didn't, so....she probably figured he wasn't interested.

 

I give her credit for texting him so soon after the date to express interest in seeing him again. In my experience, people DO NOT do this unless they have interest. Also in my experience though, the vague response along the lines of "Yeah, sure, we should get together again sometime" without asking when I'm free/when I'd like to meet, well...I take that as letting me down easy.

 

When I met my fiancee for coffee the first time, I knew right away that I liked him and wanted to see him again, and I was planning to text him later that night or the next morning to gauge his interest -- i.e. "Hey! It was nice meeting you. If you're interested in meeting up again, I'd be up for that!" He beat me to the punch, though, texting me not too long after I got home (I had about a 30 minute drive from where we'd met) to say he enjoyed meeting me and would like to meet again and asking me if I was free for dinner Friday or Saturday night that same week. He didn't just say he'd like to meet again -- he had specific days in mind! I wasn't available one of nights, but I was the other one, so I wrote back almost immediately to say "Hey! I enjoyed meeting you too! I'm busy Friday, but I'm free Saturday and would love to have dinner."

I loved how easy it was -- no waiting, no hinting, no "putting the ball in someone's court," etc. Just , "I'm interested. Are you? Great. Let's meet on this date. Cool." So simple. Dating should not be nearly as complicated as people make it.

 

I agree with you and re the bolded, that's how it is when there is mutual chemistry and interest generating between you. It's sort of an energy which you BOTH feel. And there is no guessing about it, it's OBVIOUS.

 

I think what happens though is that often times we DON'T feel that type of chemistry with someone, but proceed forward anyway, when really it's best to just move on.

 

That's when things get "complicated".... with all the mixed messages and confusion, trying to figure out what he meant/what she meant, is he interested/is she interested, or not interested, should I text first, should she text first..... UGH!! When this happens, just move on cause chances are neither one of you were really "feeling it" anyway. Although in THIS case, I think she was but OP wasn't which he admitted later.

 

Personally speaking, I try to not settle for anything less than mutual chemistry/energy and if I"m not feeling it, I wish them well and simply move on. So none of this back and forth **** happens (usually).

 

To me, it's a waste of time to try to force it, or wait to see if it comes later. It almost always never does (not for me anyway) so I just move on.

 

Although earlier this year, I did try multi-dating and did just the opposite of that, and it only left me confused and disappointed.

 

So now I am back to doing things how I've always done it. Which is I meet a man, have a date, and if the chemistry isn't there which is OBVIOUS, then I move on.

 

I am dating a man now with whom there was strong chemistry from the getgo, so hopefully I won't have to play this game anymore.

 

Well not a game per se but y'all know what I mean.

 

And browneyedgirl.... congrats on your engagement!! Best of luck to both of you!