Wife's peculiar facebook activity.

[Unreasonable]

While I can understand wanting to connect with people that you knew before you were married....I dont understand why the need for a separate account. You can add nicknames and maiden names right on your profile.

Me neither. She has everybody and their dog on her main account. Childhood friends she doesn't even remember. Perhaps she want's to exclusively keep it to her closest friends and childhood friends. I highly doubt the maiden name thing is to hook any new friends that haven't found her yet. Plus you are correct it is possible to do that without creating a new account as well.

[Unreasonable]

i don't think it's necessary she's headed for divorce at all. it sounds more like an attempt at deconstructing the identity she took on in this marriage. not so much aimed at changes regarding her marriage, i think it's limited to changes regarding to who she has become. she's had these "midlife crises" before i remember, they all felt retroactive, acted like a teenager at times. i think it's an eccentric attempt at some sort of personal rescription. it was back to her teens last time, it's back to her childhood it seems this time. she's working in layers lol.

 

i wouldn't assume that if this ends in some rediscovered identity for her, that identity will want to divorce you. maybe the new wife will be more comfortable with you than her last version of self. if not, it's been a rocky union, maybe you'll find you work better at some distance. i honestly think it's to do with her alone though.

 

when i was in a bad relationship i remember my ex freaking out completely when i went for the first appointment with the new therapist. i was going because of who i had become too, but he feared if i got better...he'd be history.

 

the less she senses your anxiety at her "liberating" herself, the less she'll feel like she needs to break free from you as well. if a new "her" comes about, don't act threatened.

 

I agree that this could be the case, and will keep this in mind. Thanks.

[Unreasonable]

Well, yes if you fear a FB page there are deep issues.

I'm not afraid of her new account per se, but if I went and removed my relationship status on FB (the closest analog I can think of for a male), I think that generally would at least raise some eyebrows if not cause alarm.

[DancingFool]

Me neither. She has everybody and their dog on her main account. Childhood friends she doesn't even remember. Perhaps she want's to exclusively keep it to her closest friends and childhood friends. I highly doubt the maiden name thing is to hook any new friends that haven't found her yet. Plus you are correct it is possible to do that without creating a new account as well.

 

You are focusing so much on people, but pay attention. She is joining new groups, taking up new interests, exploring new directions, etc. It's less about people and more about self discovery and frankly, I can see how she doesn't want to have to explain to assorted people why she joined this group and not that, liked this and not that, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting to ditch all and sundry on her existing account and not wanting to eff around with FB setting which can be changed at any time. FB not exactly known for privacy.

[Unreasonable]

Update: She perceived me being concerned about it and agreed to change the account name to First Name/Middle Name. The very next day somebody posted on her main account's wall asking if she knew there was an alternate profile out there using her name and picture. I felt a little vindicated.

[Seraphim]

Update: She perceived me being concerned about it and agreed to change the account name to First Name/Middle Name. The very next day somebody posted on her main account's wall asking if she knew there was an alternate profile out there using her name and picture. I felt a little vindicated.

 

Why are you controlling what name she has on her FB? That is so so weird to me. If I had to do that I would hand over the account to you and say here have at 'er because obviously this is about you.

[Unreasonable]

Ugh. I didn't control it. I had expressed concern and she changed it out of her own free will.

[Seraphim]

Again her FB is about you. There is no other way to state it. I can tell you I would just have a secret one then . Where I could be myself.

[Unreasonable]

Think whatever you like. In our family we are allowed to express concerns, without force. She to me and otherwise.

[Seraphim]

I express concerns too , so does my husband. But he doesn't expect me to stop expressing how I want to express myself online. You expressed a concern because you wanted a change of action or a result. This is why people express concerns.

[Seraphim]

Be realistic with yourself. You were weirded out she had her maiden on there and hoped she would change it.

[Unreasonable]

That's fine. You live your way, I'll live mine. If you and your husband could express yourself online, in literally any way, without any boundaries, good for you. Really, that's awesome. I don't see that too often around here. I see the opposite, a lot.

[Seraphim]

I don't tell him how to express anything on his FB nor does he do that to me. He has female friends on there from work and other places some I have never met in my life. It doesn't bother me. He has never said one word about my account. He knows I post here. I have let him read stuff too. We know we are together and FB and ENA will never change that . I am what to see is what you get. In fact I am more outspoken in real life than here. I just like the community and don't want to be banned lol.

 

I wish you guys felt more secure though.