He admitted he was going to cheat!!!

[temperamental_taurus]

Well, for those who were following my other post, my relationship was on it's last legs... He said he wasn't going out of town with me as we had plans to do, and I found out why. He had something "lined up" and was planning on sleeping with her!!! HE'S OUT!!! I will NEVER AGAIN TRUST HIM - what a liar. I'm not too upset though - weird huh? I'm glad I tricked him into telling me, and I finally got the truth. Hope he's happy with her, I give it 6 months and she'll see him for what he really is too!!! I wish I could curse on this site... What a JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[arwen]

Girl, that man is unbelievable!

 

 

 

You are living together, right? I hope you packed his stuff and put them on the street? (It's what they do in movies, and something I'd like to do when something like this would happen to me )

 

I am glad you are not that upset. Maybe you will be for a while, but don't worry. Your gut has been telling you the truth and your head tells you that you are worth more than this in a relationship. You handled things great, I am sure you will be ok. Get rid of this guy, and let him sort out his own mess. He has bigger issues than you have, and you don't want him to be your issue.

 

 

 

Ilse.

[DN]

By all means dump him. Sounds like a complete jerk.

 

Avoid putting his stuff in the street, tempting though Ilse's suggestion might be, especially if he has anything valuable. If it were stolen, he could sue for the value in small claims court and would almost certainly win.

[temperamental_taurus]

I know, completely unbelieveable, right?! I knew something was up!!! I told him I want him out of the apartment by the time I return from out of town on Sunday. He'll still owe half the rent, because we're both on the lease - but I don't even care about THAT at this point - I just want him away from me. Don't worry, I'm not gonna put HIS stuff outside, I'm never lifting one FINGER for him again - except maybe my middle one - har, har... Well, I better pack and get out of here before he wakes up and starts in on me again, he already told me it'll be a day of hot, sweaty sex for him... whatever - he'll prolly just end up spending the entire weekend drinking...

[DN]

You may want to have a back-up plan if he refuses to move out. If he is on the lease as well it could be difficult making him go. And if you do force him to leave in some way, you may have difficulty collecting his share of the rent until the lease expires. It is hard to think of these legal matters while emotions are paramount but so often these things can end up in court which just prolongs the emotional trauma. It would be a good idea to see a lawyer just to get your rights and obligations explained. You may be able to get a free half hour consultation - check the Internet for your location.

 

Good luck and I hope you are free of this guy in every way real soon.

[arwen]

lol, yeah you might want to avoid lawsuits. (I would be tempted still...

 

I can't believe that he even told you it would be hot sex? Ah, he is really pathetic. So sad, that a person is like that. Good for you he's no longer your problem. I really really don't understand what could drive a person to TELL his partner that he's going to cheat and have some 'steamy' sex.

 

 

 

At least, he is really really honest.

 

Good luck girl. Don't let this man take your happiness away.

 

Ilse.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks DN, if all else fails I'll get a second job for the next 3 months - I'll see how it goes... not interested in fighting anymore, ya know? I'll be better off - and I truly just hate him now - I just feel kinda dead inside.

[temperamental_taurus]

Well, I wouldn't necessarily call him HONEST - I kinda tricked him into telling me - and it's definitely not a honest thing to plan to cheat behind someone's back, knowing that you are going to do it while she's out of town for Easter and then getting pissed off enough to tell her about it!!! Ah well, I'm truly at a loss for words because I'm just not feeling much right now - I'll prolly have longer heart-breaking posts later on - I'm off to pack - I need outta here before I cry... hugs to all of you, I'm jumping on the No Contact wagon that everyone else is on right now - we'll see how THAT goes, and I'll update on Sunday whether or not he packed his stuff and left!!! Thanks everyone for helping me through this - it means alot to me!!!

[DN]

I just feel kinda dead inside.

 

But soon you will come alive again to the realisation that you are better off without him.

 

I can't help but hope that his night of steamy sex turns out to be less than his fevered imaginings hope for. I wonder if he really does have something lined up - other than a hand shandy!!!

[Mun]

I went through your other topic to read up on your story.

 

I hope you can carry this through even if you find out he lied to you for whatever reason. This man has no respect for you, he doesn't care about your feelings and you really were settling by staying with him. He is hurtful and an alcoholic it seems--all that is a recipe for an abusive relationship.. which is what this was.

 

You will be fine by yourself, you'll see... you will find strength where you didn't think you had any and before you know it you will be wondering what on Earth you were thinking. You're a beautiful person...you can do so much better.

 

Chin up girl... there are better days ahead!

[temperamental_taurus]

A question - I can't find my entire tread of "Put a Fork in Me - I'm Done" - can entire threads get deleted or what??? Moderators - do you knows??

[avman]

For some reason the post was moved accidently. I found it and restored it. Please let me know if there are any other issues.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thank you for restoring it - I appreciate that - it helps me remember all the stuff that I tend to forget and end up forgiving for. Just an update - It's Easter - Happy Easter everyone!!! and I've had no contact with him - WooHoo - go me!!! Crazy thing is, I'm doing okay - and am not really even hurting. I slept fine last night, no nightmares, etc... maybe this means I'm truly separated from all this and that I REALLY don't want to work on this relationship anymore - I'm sure you realize what I mean, the breaking up & getting back together cycle that some relationships go through over and over before the final break. I just hope and pray that he has spent the last 2 days packing and moving out... not sure what I'm going to do if he is still there. I've talked a bit with my family and even though they like him, they say this is for the best... I can't live my life with an alcoholic and the rollercoaster ride that comes along with that... let alone his plans on cheating on me - which quite frankly was prolly just something he "made up" to hurt me... but even if it wasn't - the thought of him sleeping with someone else actually brings a sense of relief to me, knowing that he's somebody else's problem now. My mom thinks it's sad, but that I can't fix or cure this disease for him - and that it's no wonder he's an alcoholic, with what happened to him during his childhood. That may be true but a person can't use that as an excuse forever - fix it, solve it and work through it - be an adult, right??? I'm not too knowledgeable in the alcoholisim department and I've been too hurt by make this individual to try and learn more. I've just gotta focus on healing myself now... hopefully he'll follow suit. Thank you everyone for supporting me through this, it's not as easy as how I make it look - I'm sure all you guys know that... I'll update later tonight or tomorrow on whether on not he moved out... and what am I gonna do if he didn't?????

[DN]

You are right about alcoholism. Alcoholics can only get treatment that works if they realsie the problem and want to get help.

 

Good luck. And stay strong.

[arwen]

Hey taurus!

 

Wow, sounds like you are doing fine.

 

I think it's true, what you say about the final break. Sometimes when you breakup, it takes a long while to get closure. I could imagine that part of you may have decided to break up before you actually did it, which makes the final act of breaking up really definite.

 

What you should do if he didn't start packing? Well, I think I would start packing for him anyway.

 

I hope for you he's gone though, and you can start a new life by yourself. You deserve a happier life- with or without a man, but definitely without someone that treats you like this.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks Isle, my parents suggested I just move out myself, but I think he could probably take me to court or something because we're both on the lease. Due to the fact that I want HIM out, I wouldn't pursue that type of avenue with him... so I guess it's not gonna be as easy as ME leaving. Everything works out for a reason, though, and I'm starting to feel stronger already..although I'm sure that there are gonna be bad days. I going to frequent this site as much as possible and help other people (and myself) along the way... (hopefully) and through time all things heal and maybe I can find someone worth the love that I have to offer...

[arwen]

I understand. Can he afford the lease on his own? You suggested for yourself you could take a 2nd job. If you would really be able to work two jobs (it must be hard), that would be a solution.

 

Maybe if he didn't start packing, and he's in any sort of 'reasonable' mood, you could try and discuss this. If you would come to any form of agreement on this, make sure you make it black-on-white. I don't know, here it would count as an official agreement, I think.

 

Somehow I am happy to not be too experienced in things like this, I really wish I could offer you more advise on this one.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[temperamental_taurus]

Well, he's still here... nothing was moved out, nothing different, was drinking when I got here... we started talking and he said he didn't sleep with anyone - that he had to do hours of homework... he said I could check his logs to prove it, well I did and all he posted was a 2 sentence post. Not the hours he had claimed. I called him on it, asked why he had to go and insult my family this way and he said that if they were insulted it was their problem and that no one else's problems matter to him. I guess I just don't understand why I continue to talk about any of this with him. I guess in it's a last ditch effort on my part, but there's just no getting through to him. I was so hoping he would be gone when I returned - it would have made all of this so much easier. How heartbreaking...

[arwen]

Hey taurus,

 

I'm sorry he didn't pack. He told you he didn't sleep with someone else? Well, that's no longer the point now, is it? Anyway, I hope he sobers up soon enough to come to a reasonable agreement.

 

Of course for you it's better if he would have left the surface of the planet (at least the part that is your apartment), however I wonder how realistic it is to expect that a person can really be packed and gone after 2 days? Maybe you can grab some of your stuff, and go to a friend. Meanwhile, he has like 3 days to get his stuff moved.

 

I hope things work out,

 

Ilse.

[temperamental_taurus]

LOL - he has a huge family, they moved 2 households into 1 in a day... He said they were gonna do it... ahhh well, nothing can be resolved tonight, I think I may go look at apartments tomorrow and maybe if I move out, he can just get a roommate... although i pity the poor person who has to live with him... What kills me is that he is just so lost and I hate breaking up with someone when I still care about them... Well, thanks for your input... I'm off to bed, sleep tight all...

[Mun]

It doesn't sound like he is going anywhere, but he is also not changing his ways. Now the question you have to ask yourself is : Do I want to be in this same situation for another year.. 5 years.. or 15 years?

 

You are going to have to be the strong one here and decide for yourself what you can and cannot put up with. If you stay you most likely know he will just keep it up and in the meantime he will chip away at whatever self respect and confidence you have left.

 

I hope you can be strong and do what is right for yourself. Remember that others treat us how we allow them to treat us.

 

Good luck