Talking to family about depression and suicide

[Mavis]

Hello.. not sure how to start but, I'm 19 years old and I see all my friends having the time of their lives while I'm never accomplishing anything since high school ended two years ago. Ever since I've been pretty depressed because I'm still trying to get into college but still no success (you need to pass a test to enter in my country) and honestly Ive got no hopes I'll ever be able to pass, while my sister when she was my age she was already studying at the best college in our country. So the stress and pressure are suffocating me and the tests are coming and im feeling desperate. I dont know how will I look at my family when I tell them I failed.

In high school I used to be really studious and one of the best in class but now I cant concentrate anymore whenever Im studying..This last year I locked myself in my room saying Im studying but almost every afternoon I cry in the bathroom. Then I cry myself to sleep. And when I wake up just the thought of going to class makes me cry and I have no strength to leave my bed or go outside.. These last months I've been thinking all the time of killing myself or ways I could kill myself because honestly i just want to disappear, I feel so sorry for being born and making my parents waste their money on me when i cant even exist straight. i know im weak and pathetic thats why i think I should've never been born at all.

I dont know how to approach my mom about this , we are close but never really talked about this kind of subject and just the thought of bringing this up makes me cry already and I dont wanna cry.My family is kinda cold towards these subjects also, they never talk about it, and when they do they say as if the person is crazy or weird. i really wanted to tell my mom about this and ask if i could go to a therapist maybe.. but i feel so shy and if i cry when i start talking shes not gonna understand me. Also even though these last months Ive been in very down mood no one ever noticed it, no asked me if I was doing ok. I used to self harm for a while and some days I did no bother to cover the scars but no one saw or said anything..so im very scared of what they will think of me. Maybe they wont even take me seriously.

This probably is very confusing cause it's really hard trying to explain how you feel and I would've wrote more but idk if anyone is going to read this so whatever..If you read this help me please I cant stand crying everyday wishing I was dead every time

[SooSad33]

Hi Mavis... ((hugs)).

 

Please.. do NOT think you are worth less than your sister, just because she is progressing differently than you are...

You are two diffrent people therefore will proceed at different times.

 

I have 4 boys. My oldest has moved out now.. almost an hour away. His brother who is a year younger (22) has not moved out and that is okay. He is 'slowly' moving ahead with his life and I will NOT pressure him.

We all move ahead at our own speeds.

 

In high school I used to be really studious and one of the best in class but now I cant concentrate anymore whenever Im studying..This last year I locked myself in my room saying Im studying but almost every afternoon I cry in the bathroom.

- By sounds of it, you are dealing with Depression. And acting out like you are.. feeling this 'low', crying, suicidal thoughts, etc are all part of Depression.

 

I highly suggest you talk to your parents. Explain to them your challenges, be honest and say you 'need help'. Professional help, to help you along with your life and depression.

Depression is no fun.. I understand, I deal with it too. I've had many dark time thru my life as well.

 

I am in therapy and have tried a few anti depressants. Right now, am on something to sleep ( melatonin- natural boost) and Lorazapam- for sleep & anxiety.

 

 

If you feel you can't talk with your mom.. then how about you call and make an apt with your doctor yourself? But, for sure, work on taking care of yourself...

[cdtsilva]

This is harsh but you need to stop obsessing with that.

 

I stopped my studies at the age of 15 and have been on and off for many years. Eventually I went all the way to a very successful graduation, at a price...

 

Number one question is why do you see it as so important? Is it because your friends have a great time together? Is it some job you want and don't have the qualifications? This is important to know because studies do not bring happiness - In fact, some of my 'friends' with the most 'happy' life are generally poor performers as they are... well ... too busy partying

 

I had many of the same issues as you, I cant stand noise and sometimes, not having someone to push you, one just wants to avoid certain awkwardness situations.

 

I can give you some tips if you like, but I kinda need to understand more where you are now.

[Melodymelody]

Every single person on this earth is unique.

Every single person has their own value and worth in this world.

 

Never think you are not good enough.

 

Everyone is good at something...if you haven't found it yet keep searching.

 

I couldn't get into college after trying two times in a row. Everyone kept telling me to give up and just get a job. I refused.

 

Guess what not only did I get in the third time, but I finished my bachelor and now I'm finishing my masters degree and am a graduate student. It was a long hard road but I knew what I wanted and never gave up. I'm one of the best in my class now. By the way I wasn't that good at high school, especially senior year (grade 12)

 

Sure I felt unworthy, insecure, like I was a heavy weight in my parents shoulders many times. There were mornings I slept till 1 or 2 p.m feeling worthless not having a job or college.

 

But one day I just decided to go to the library.

I went there and studied and studied and studied till I got in the exact college I wanted to. I had rearranged my life around the library. I would go in the morning, come home and eat and then continue in the afternood. I made many friends in the library that I had coffee breaks with. Just studying in the libary had changed everything around. I actually felt excited about going!

 

That's where I even got my first boyfriend (through a friend I had met at the library).

 

You can't just give up. You are at the best age possible! I didn't get in untill I was 20!

 

Find yourself, find what makes you happy. Do the things you love no matter what anyone else says whatever they are.

College isn't the only way you know...find your hobbies. Go to different courses, learn a different language...whatever...just try new things...

 

For me what you wrote isn't at all confusing but everyone has a time/period in their life like this that they go through..

 

Seeing a psychiatrist/therapyst will also help you get past your depression together with proper medication if the therapist gives you it.

 

You are suffering from depression and that's why you are having trouble concentrating. Once you feel better everything will go better. The first step is getting help through a therapist. The rest will come after..

 

Tell you mom straight forward tell her I feel down all of the time I need help. She will understand. Tell an adult whoever that you know for sure can help you. Don't underestimate and brush your feelings under a rug.

 

A parent will be much more hurt finding out their child was suffering and they didn't know about it, then actually knowing it.

 

Your parents love you no matter how your circumstancs are, college or no college, job or no job, they probably just don't want to mention it because they see how sensitive you are...

 

You're stronger than this! You know you are. You just need a little help to get up and going. This was your first brave step you took! Good for you! You did well...

 

Anytime you have a concern keep writing on this forum!!

[Chocolate25]

I'm sorry to hear this. Sometimes talking to your family about depression can be harsh at times. Family tends to put their perspective down your throat. Trust me, it happens. I recommend a therapist or people on ENA to help you out

[meoww]

At least you're here, please continue reaching out even if you don't always feel heard or understood. Feeling overwhelmed is completely understandable, dealing with so much all on your own...that's not right. Not everyone is comfortable discussing mental issues but your family should have been looking out for you a bit more. You will still pull through, although it will be harder to do so without that immediate support system. Right now you might be struggling to find the answers or understanding that makes it click for you, once you begin feel it within yourself you can actually start progressing on your path to independence.

 

Some practical advice:

You may want to look into treatment for anxiety. Uncertainty is a reality we all have to live with, but it doesn't have to dominate your time and drain all your energy. Without much life experience, it may seem very daunting but the good news is that you can learn better ways to cope with stress, or make decisions that will secure a better future for you. Not only may it be wise to look into therapy, but also make it a priority to learn more about the world you live in so that you can actually develop the tools to get out of this funk. Reddit is a great resource and support system that I recommend that attracts a very knowledgeable user base.

[chitown9]

Hello Mavis....depression is debilitating. It is affecting every aspect of your life.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, so yes...please do talk to your mom and explain how you have been feeling and that you would like to get professional help for the way you have been feeling. You can do this.

chi