Afraid of getting back in the game?

[Venny2900]

I'm sure everyone at some point have come out of a relationship and had to get back in the dating game. Has anyone ever been afraid of that? If so how did you handle it? Sort of going through that right now and I'm not sure what I should do.

[SooSad33]

Then I suggest you don't... yet. No reason to feel you must.. ( as you word it... 'had to get back in dating game').

My brother went 8 yrs single.

 

At this time in my life, I have no want or need to get involved again. I know I've got 'nothing to give', as I had a short term relation- though intense.... 3 months ago.

 

So, never feel you have to.. get back out there. especially if you don't feel right.

[Rising100]

First of all, dont feel like you have to.

And second, dont rush into anything.

 

It has happened to me, have felt the same way and if you feel this too then focus on yourself, your goals, your life first, for now. Its important to feel comfortable alone and not rush into things.

[RainyCoast]

yeah, i am.

 

i think you just need to be clear with yourself as what exactly you feel is the obstacle. i've identified two sources of my discomfort with dating again, and i can easily see myself with someone after those two thing are off my "get it under control list".

 

if it's a general free floating fear and distrust, i find simply waiting for it to peter out does work, but then, whatever left it's mark on how you relate to people will still be there when you're back on the market.

 

it does boil down to being okay with yourself and your own life first.

 

 

what's rushing you to date again?

[pippy longstocking]

Maybe you need more time . I have spent my life with my finger in someones pie , but after my split 5 years ago I have found myself in a different place and I have no interest .. As everyone else said , don't force it .

[SherrySher]

You'll know when the time is right. You will feel relaxed about it and comfortable with it. If you are still apprehensive, then it's not the right time. And there's nothing wrong with that either. No one "needs" to be in a relationship. It's also a good thing to be single and to enjoy that and explore who you are and different situations around you.

[nutbrownhare]

What SherrySher said. You don't "have" to do anything until you're ready. I leave AT LEAST a year between relationships, because that's how long it takes me to learn the lessons from the relationship and lick my wounds. Last time, it was three years of being single and I wasn't looking for a relationship when I first met my partner. During those three years, I found a network of friends in a new town, got out and about and generally had a good time.

 

Knowing you can be happy without a relationship makes you much more prepared for having a good one when the time is right.

[catfeeder]

Can you identify what you're afraid of?

 

What do you mean 'back in the game,' exactly? How long has it been since your last relationship?

[yeahyeahyeah]

I'm sure everyone at some point have come out of a relationship and had to get back in the dating game. Has anyone ever been afraid of that? If so how did you handle it? Sort of going through that right now and I'm not sure what I should do.

 

In that exact situation right now

 

The way you have to look at it, either you don't go back in the game and remain singly or you do and find a new partner - with all of the benefits that come with that.

[mustlovedogs]

I was terrified of a relationship after my last one ended because I didn't want to be hurt again. If that's your fear, it's too soon to date.

 

I think it took me about 6 months before the idea of a date sounded somewhat fun. I'm just over a year since the breakup now and I'm at a point of blissful indifference. I would enjoy a good date, but I'm not desperate for one. A few months ago, I desperately wanted one to 'prove my value' or whatever...

 

I think it's normal to cycle and to be afraid again. Just enjoy being single and reconnect with your friends. Youll reach a point where falling in love again sounds fun, not terrifying.