VHSshowdown...you are right my friend!!!

[keefy1972]

Thanks coda, you made great sense and I thank you for spelling it out to me like I am a 6 year old.

 

Now, I think that he was checking up on you because, as Im sure you have figured out, he cares about you. When me and L were seeing each other, she had just seen her ex and found out that he was seeing someone else. This saddened her a great deal because they had been together for so long and it wasnt too long after their break up that he started seeing someone else. This hurt her, she said she knew she was seeing someone else too, but didnt think finding out about him would hurt so much. I know that if my feelings for her werent so strong, I would have been upset that she saw him. Because I did care so much for her, all I worried about was the fact that she was in pain. I hurt because she hurt. What happened with you and K is sort of the same thing. He was preparing to hurt because you were hurtiing. Or so he thought. See what I mean? His concern was an expression of his caring about your well being. Now, as i have told you before, the feelings you guys have for each other are still pretty strong no matter what kind of games you are playing with each other. This is pretty evident. He thought you might need some support and he was ready, willing, and able to be there for you. This is not just a friendship thing. This is love. You guys seem to be getting to where you talk on an everyday basis again. Is that right?

 

Blue, dude, I will be so happy when you get your TV back. Then you wont have any excuses to keep torturing yourself by staying in contact with this girl. I know how hard it is to stop letting your every thought revolve around someone, but until you understand that it is EXACTLY that that is causing you to be apart from them, you will continue to struggle with day-to-day life. That's not good man. Coda said it right before, you NEED TO GET A LIFE!!! Not in the mean way, but you have to have things to tell her in those instances that you do talk. As you said, she gets mad because all you want to talk about is you two. Experience life, other than her, and that way you can have fun and exciting things to share with her. That is what is going to make her want to see you and want to talk to you. You have to be able to stimulate her intellect with something other than how much you want her back. She knows that already and is sick of hearing it. You have to come up with new material. Your days do not begin and end with her. She isn't your reason for living. You have to, not only understand this, but live it. Man she is so lucky to have a great guy like you so into her, but you have allowed her to take that for granted. The only way to fix that is to not allow her to have you in her life for a while. She will see what you offer and miss it. She will be the one losing out while you are out of the picture. What will you be missing out on? Torment? Questions? Heartache? And her, she will be missing that constant ego stroke, that feeling of power she has over you, and knowing she can get you to do things for her whenever she wants. Evaluate. Who is losing out here? Come on, start giving yourself more credit for who you are!!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Start the trek in 10 minutes. Will be home in about 2 and half hours I think. God this is going to suck! I'm a nervous reck!

[codaaurora]

BLUE, you can do this! Stay strong, listen to strong music on the way over there, kick ass, angry music! Empowering music. I like to listen to Evanescence or one of the Charlie's Angels soundtracks and then I fell empowered and strong when having to deal with these stressfull situations.

[codaaurora]

Keefy, yeah, since about last Tuesday (excluding Sunday cause I told him Saturday not to call me the rest of the weekend cause I was sick of him and his 22 year old ex gf's drama), he has called me every day. Even if it's only for a few minutes or so.

 

He called me on Monday and left me two funny messages on my phone, one being that they are doing a TV series based on Star Wars and that he was the first to tell me MUAW HAHAH.

 

But Keefy, what about the disagreement that we had on Tuesday when he kept threatening me with "After this we're done, no more hanging out, blah blah blah" or the one that really hurt me which was "You know the answer to that, I kept trying to send you home or move out for years." when I said something about our time together in response to a comment he made. He told me when we finally broke up that he hadn't been "In-love" with me for years. I replied to the previous statement by saying, yes but you never put me on a plane and you always came back and never moved out. And to that he replied that I killed that when I broke up with him to go out with J.U. (which he knows is not true but still insists that that was what the case was). Then he brings up...."Coda, didn't you ever wonder why we never got married, maybe there is your answer." To which I replied with the answer that he always gave me about being afraid of divorce and how often we fought he thought we would eventually and that he never in all the years we were together say that it was because he didn't love me anymore. Plus, last year he wanted to go to Vegas to get married and stupid me said no. ( ](*,) ) AND the fact that he cried at the beginning of our break up and tried so hard to get me back.

 

I don't know, it just doesn't make sense. I need to talk to you again about that stuff. I get it all confused in my head and then start questioning and second guessing stuff.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Well I'm at my parents place now, I hate it here, everything reminds me of her. We spent 2 years living together here!

 

It was a very short stay I'll say that. She was at the door before I even got there. I didn't say a word about us, or me. I complimented her new shoes. She said, "Do I get a hug?", I said, "do I get a hug?", I know she wasn't going to give me one. It was rather chilly out, and she had her arms crossed. So if I was to give her a hug, it would have been a one way. She said, "Its chilly out, and I need some body heat!". So she gave me a hug, and I hugged her back. That is the last time I will ever feel her body against mine, and did it ever feel wonderfull !!! She said, "its cold out here.", so I said, "well I'll let you go then". She said, "thats not what I meant, but whatever". I got in my car and said bye. Didn't hesitate at all, just started the car and left. Didn't look back. Usually before leaving she asks for a kiss, didn't this time tho.

 

She looked like crap, seriously. Looked like she hadn't slept in forever, bags under her eyes. She looked like she weighed about 105 pounds. She was incredibly skinny, looked like a skeleton! She got ready for me to come out too. When I called early in the afternoon, she was painting her toe nails, and had on new clothes that she got for her b-day. I kinda feel like crap right now, because I didn't get her anything for her b-day. I was planning on getting her something for when I saw her next. I should have at least had a card! DARN!!!

 

I feel like I am giving up, and I am a very determind person. This feels like failure to me, and I hate failing. But if there is on good thing to come of this, is that I think I have a shot at her when I am healed. As long as she doesn't treat me like crap, and start lying to me again, I think it should be a breaze, if I want her back at that point in time.

 

Keefy,

I have a song for you to add to you list. I didn't realise the lyrics until after this situation, and on my way home. I've heard the song many many times as I own the cd. Anyways, its called Shine by Sevendust. Might be too heavy for your liking, but it was soo fitting for after my situation today. Another good one is X-Mas Day, by Sevendust, it isn't heavy, Awesome song dude.

 

Coda,

Don't believe any of that BS he is giving you about not loving you, and such. My exs dad left her mom, told her on mothers day that he didn't love her anymore. Ended up cheating on her, and leaving. That was last year. He left in the summer. He came back in March, and they have been living together since. I truly believe that he is saying stuff to try and hurt you, to get a reaction. He obviously got hurt alot I think, and is trying to make you hurt, to prove to himself, that you still love him. It may not be a consious thing, but I have done the say thing with my ex. I never told her I didn't love her tho. I would never say that. But I have used thing to hurt her, to try and get her back. Which now I can see was for obvious reason, HELLA STUPID. believe me, he doesn't mean these things. Heres something that I haven't told you guys, this should prove my point. Back in Oct. I told the ex I was starting to see someone, which was untrue. I wanted her to feel something. I thought maybee it would make a difference. She would see what she is doing. Well it worked for a little bit, but since it was a lie, I kept telling her I loved her, and now she doenst feel threatened by her at all. I haven't told her the truth, as of right now, I don't think its necessary. But I would always try hurtfull tactics to get her back. I KNOW I KNOW, it was horribly wrong. And thats why I can't help but feel like this is just another one of my tactics. I have to get it into my head that it isn't, it is for ME!!!! Don't believe his BS for one second.

 

V,

How you doing? Haven't heard much from you lately. You must be keeping yourself busy. Any updates on your situation?

[keefy1972]

Blue I am glad you finally got that out of the way. I am impressed with how you handled the end. Just got into your ride and took off without looking back. I know that was very hard to do, but you had to and you did it. Good job!! By the way, Sevendust is in no way too hard for me. Good songs, both of em.

 

Coda, we discussed this already and I hope I made some points to you that seemed valid enough so that you realize what is going on. Things are not as hopeless as we may think they are for any of us and I hope we all can start giving ourselves more credit than we have been.

 

They are in our lives because we choose to allow them to be. If you dont like them being in your life you have the power to change that. We also have the power to change the capacity in which they exist in our lives. As someone once told me "Keep doing what you're doing, and you will keep getting what you're getting".

 

Obviously things didnt work out before because there were changes that we had to make in ourselves in order to get along better with them. What have you done today to make those changes?? If you can go to bed at night and ask yourself that question, and answer it with an honest, "yes", then you can feel good that YOUR life is making progress.

 

I have already done something that I can feel good about. I have taken the last few encounters I have had with L, and expressed my doubts, confusion, and overall emotional rollercoaster on here as opposed to directing that all at her. She has no idea how much seeing her again has affected me and that is how it has to be for now. If I can continue to keep that stuff from her then I am making progress. I saw her at work on Tuesday morning and I havent sent her an email, a text message, or called her since. Think about it...if the one you wants comes back to you because you beg, plead, and grovel...what are you getting then? Pity! I dont need pity. If she comes back to me it is going to be of her own desires to be with me AS I AM. Not because I made promises I cant deliver on or because she feels sorry for me. Would you offer your love to someone out of pity? No, I think you would just shake your head and hope they find something to make them happy. Not offer what you have. I am just babbling here, but it makes me feel better, so if you dont like it you can lick the fuzzy beanbag!

 

I hope everyone is feeling good today and has plans to keep them occupied for the weekend. Do Not sit at home and feel sorry for yourselves. Get out and get involved in life. There are a million things to do out there that don't involve the ex. Find what you enjoy and do it!!

Even though I have to work tomorrow, I am still going to go out tonight and hang out with my wang out!!! Anyone got plans already? What are they??

[codaaurora]

BLUE

 

Man, I am so proud of you! You did great! I know how hard that meeting must have been. To you, at that moment, it was quite possibly the last time you would see or hold her. Those feelings are very hard.

 

BUT, you can't possibly know that unless your a fortune teller or have written a program that predicts the future.

 

What you need to do now is work on YOU. Start getting involved in your own life. Take YOURSELF out on dates. Do what YOU like to do, watch what YOU like to watch, go where YOU like to go. Now's the time to spoil yourself. One of the biggest mistakes we make (as in we the dumpees) is to wallow in our pain, to concentrate on only the object of our affection, to put them up on a pedastal and make them more than they are.

 

So what you need to do now, which is something that I did, is to make myself happy. I watched movies that he never liked and never wanted to watch. I started writing a book. I have a camera and started going out to the beach to take pictures or to different parks. I read a tone of self help books on attitude and self confidence and of course, how to win my ex back. ( ) I started volunterring with a dog rescue (German Shepherd Rescue). This might be the one thing that really turned me around. Working with these animals, who were so abused and neglected but still willing to give you unconditional love and acceptance, well, that's an eye opener. They needed me as much as I needed them. I would go to the boarding facility pick up one or two dogs, drive to the nearest McDonalds, buy them both some burgers and take them to the park for some BIG time spoiling. However, at first, I thought I was spoiling the dogs, then I realized, it was them who was spoiling me.

 

Volunteering is a selfless act of love and when you do it, you can't help but to feel how much better life is for you and those you help. Consider it ok?

 

Anyway, thank you for those encouraging words. I think that your right, I know that it did hurt him very badly when I went out with someone else. I know that he thought I lied to him about my relationship with that other person. I did lie about it being a date because I didn't know how to tell him, but it was an innocent date and I got a kiss at the end but nothing major. I eventually told him everything that happened (as he kept nagging me) and at the time he was happy that I had finally told him everything but then later when we started to break up again and it was from his end, he kept focusing on how I had lied to him, not how I had told him w/in two weeks everything (and there wasn't that much to tell). Either way, I know that he has since done things to hurt me as much as possible. He left me on Christmas to go spend the day with family that he never talks to or sees (my family is in VA and we live in CA) so I was alone. He started a fight with me on New Years Eve. He said mean and vicious things. So I've always felt like he was trying to hurt me. I just thought that it was to be mean and make me pay for hurting him. I never saw it from the perpective of him trying to see whether I loved him or not. I mean, he knows that there is only so far he can push me, whether I love him or not. I'm wondering if he is waiting to see how long I will stick around "loving" him. He always said (until the very end when he called everything off) that he wanted 6 months, he mentioned 6 months in reference to other things recently, he only signed a lease for 6 months on his apartment, even though he knows that rent will go up drastically at the end of that and that he won't be able to afford it anymore. Six months will be August. I think after loving someone for 9 years, I can wait and see what happens then.

[vhshowdown]

Hello guys!! I am still here, I am just trying to stay upbeat, so I havent been talking to H. lately!! I will not be at home this weekend, I will be in

 

VEGAS BABY!!!!!!!!! 0X 8)

 

I will send you all a postcard from there!!!!

[codaaurora]

the fuzzy beanbag??? LOLOL Dork!

 

I'm going to a magic show and dinner tonight with a bunch of guy friends from work. Then we are going to stop by Dave and Busters for a drink with another group of people from work and then it off to home I go!

 

I'm going to get my oil changed tomorrow, I SWEAR IT! I've been putting that off for too long and if my dad knew, my butt would b toast.

 

Then after doing that, I'm going to the beach to take some more pictures. I might volunteer this weekend with the German Shepherd Rescue. Probably will do my laundry saturday night.

 

Then after doing all that....I'm going to VEG OUT! Totally sit around in my PJ's watching movies, smoking and doing nothing!!! LOL

 

What about you guys? What plans do you have?

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

I'm starting my packing for my move tomorrow. I will be busy with that I imagine, then if I have time, I will be helping a friend move on Sunday. My ex is moving to her town of schooling, as she is going to summer school this sunday to. She is moving in with her bothers, I don't think she will be able to take that for very long. There is also nothing for her in that town. She went there because it was close, so she could stay with her mom when her dad left. Now her parents are forcing her out of the house and to that town. Her friends are all around the city where I am now, maybee she will come this way. She has mentioned it a couple times, but when I ask, she doens't know.

 

I really felt like crap this morning when I woke up, I felt like calling her up, just to hear her voice, but I know its not a good idea, especially after yesterday. Last night while laying in bed, I think I found some confidence in me, partially of which has to do with seeing her looking like crap. I seem to be doing better than she is. I've been working out, I was wearing new clothes, and I'm sure she smelt the cologne I was wearing when I hugged me (have to mask the cig smoke). I start smoking again about 4 months after she left me, a bad habbit that I know I will break when the stress resides a little more. A big part of me is concerned for her, becausee she didn't look healthy at all. In the past she wasn't sleeping unless she talked to me before bed. Lately we haven't been talking, so I think maybee thats getting to her. When we have talked a little bit, she makes it seem like she is sleeping fine without me, but I could tell that she hadn't slept in DAYS!!! After seeing her like that, it can't but help me feel above her. I had a life before her, and I will have a life after her, and my life apart from her will be better than hers away from me. Its a challenge now. I kinda feel stupid, because I think up until about Oct of last year, I was having my second chance with her but I didn't see it. If I would have only displayed self confidence, then I she would have been so atracted to me. But, I can feel the confidence growing in me today. Its only been not even a day yet, so I am sure days will get worse before they get better. I seriously think confidence is the way to be. If I display that I am having a good time all the time, laughing go out, have stories to tell, then she will want to share those with me. Not only that, its what I need to start doing for myself!

 

I can't help but wonder if I have a mild case of depression or something. Before we met, I would never do anything. I was happy doing nothing. I wouldn't get out and socialize except when my friends basically forced me out. I don't feel any different then before, except I want to do things, but I still don't. I lack social skills and am very shy. I don't say much when I do talk to people, and am quite when I do. I can't help but wonder if I am missing something. If its mild depression that I have been dealing with all my life, or if there is something else. Is there anyway to develp these traits because I want to, just am very shy and unmotivated to do anything. I would rather sit around and watch tv, or be on my computer. But I want to develop these things. Actually maybee is low self-asteam. Because I don't dance at clubs either because I don't know how too, and am afraid everyone is looking at me, I will do something wrong, or everyone will laugh at me. I know its stupid, but that is the way I have always been. Any thoughts on this?

 

Wow, I always have so much to say these days, I'm kinda using this as a journal, and a place to get my thoughts out. I really hope my confidence keeps growing like it did this past 24 hours.

[keefy1972]

Blue it does get much easier...

 

I have made a decision that I hope Im strong enough to follow through on. I now know I have a handle on controlling the impulses to text, email, and call her so now I have deleted her from my messenger contact list. I didn't block her so if she wants to chat it will all be on her. I have gotten a bit obssessive about seeing when she comes online and all of that. I realize now that it's silly and juvenile to do that so it's time I eliminate that temptation as well. Hopefully now when I sign on, she will no longer be the first thing I look for. I know Im not making any groundbreaking progress here, but I am making progress, as I realize that just a month ago I would still go through periods where I would think of her and her not being with me and literally get sick to my stomach. That doesn't happen anymore and I am very happy about that. I have learned to think more of the positive things I have going for me and that helps me get through the rough periods. It is so cliche' to say it, but I am grateful that I am a healthy person with no impairments or ailments. There are soooo many people in the world that can't say that. I am grateful that I have a family that cares about me. I am grateful that I have a decent job that affords me to eat on a regular basis, maintain a nice roof over my head, and buy myself little luxury items. I am also grateful that my family members are all healthy and in good spirits, for the most part. When I really put things into perspective, what I am going through over L, I realize that it is so miniscule and not really worthy of worrying over. Sure I love her and don't have her, but I could be so much worse off that it's kind of scary!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

While packing stuff up, I found a package of photos, decided to look at them. When I opened them, I realized that they were her pictures. Why are her pictures in a box of stuff of mine that she sent back? Some pictures of us, some pics of her when she was little, some of her parents. Mostly of us and stuff we had done together. OMG, then I found a shirt of hers and it smelled like her. I feel like I am loosing it now, I don't wanna go back in that room! I wanna call her so bad, just to hear her voice. I know how you feel keefy, I think I am over the very rough parts, cuz its almost been a year since we were offically together. I know I have past some things, I felt some of them yesterday that I haven't felt in so long. The feelings in my heart, just beating out of my cheast, feeling sick to my stomach (actually was sick a bunch of times). I know I am to the point where I don't have to talk to her all the time, but I still think about her alot, and the past. I think of the futur as well, and it still scares me a little to think of it without her. But my life is pushing on without her, regardless. I know I can live without her, I have been for almost a year now. I think what I am going to concentrate on right now, for a while, is rebuilding my confidence. When I feel confident enough, I will make the decission to what is next for me. The last time I really talked to her, she said there was still hope. I don't know if that means she is just stringing me along, but I can't help but to think about that. I know if I do talk to her, I am only going to talk to her when I am happy. No talking to her when I am down, as I want her to see my confidence, my individuality, and know that I am capable of living without her and being happy. I can't help but think of all the good times, but I have to concentrate on the bad. The bad is what will keep me motivated. She is still lying to me, doesn't care about me, doesn't want to spend anytime with me, talks down to me, her parents hate me, I don't respect her parents anymore, she's turning into a little snob, thinks she is better than everyone else (including me) and to top it all off, shes not very attractive anymore, especially on the inside!!

 

I have to keep concentrating on these things to get me though this. See if I can make it longer than 5 mins in there this time!

[keefy1972]

Ok, this is very odd. If anyone has experienced something like this please let me know because I am kind of confused. Remember how I said we were chatting on messenger and she just signed odd without warning?? Well when I called her she had told me that she had just finished sending me an email that was explaining that she thought I had signed off. Initially I was like, yeah right because I checked my mail on Monday and had nothing from her, but then tonight...5 days later, I get that email. It happened on Sunday night and I don't get the email until Friday night. It is dated and timed for last Sunday night right before we talked on the phone. Am just curious as to why it took so long to get the email. She has msn and I have hotmail and they are in a partnership so I cant understand what took so long. Anyways, here is the email she sent me. Tell me what you think:

 

"I don't know if you zapped out on me on purpose or by mistake. In any case, I hope that our conversation was pleasant for you. Things would be so much better between us if you would just stop harping on our relationship. I'm sorry that it is the way it is. I wish it could be a way that would make us both happy.

 

I would be lying if I said that I was happy with the way my life and relationships have worked out. I need to work things out for me first and try to do what's best for me. That's all I can do. I'm sorry you got caught up in my uselessness. I don't know where you fit in or if you do, to be honest. The fact that you feel so strongly about me makes me wonder what happened to me on that account. you know? At one time I felt strongly about you too.

 

Sometimes I don't like talking to you because you harping on our relationship makes me feel sad. That's all.

 

Now I hope all that I just wrote doesn't come accross in a way that sounds different from the way I wanted it to sound.

 

I will see you soon. XXXXX"

 

I just think it is odd that it took so long for this to get delivered. Are there any techies out there that can explain this? This was sent, apparently, before we saw each other on Monday and Tuesday. Of course she is telling me something here, "I would be lying if I said that I was happy with the way my life and relationships have worked out." But then again she is also telling me something here too, " I don't know where you fit in or if you do, to be honest. The fact that you feel so strongly about me makes me wonder what happened to me on that account. you know? At one time I felt strongly about you too." I dont know what all of that means, so I am just going to leave her alone for a while and let her work her problems out by herself. Anyone got some advice??

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Only advice I have is on the message delivery. I have had to happen to me also. I've sent the ex an email, and it has taken a coulple days to get there. Never 5 days yet, that I know of, but a couple at most. Sometimes it takes a couple hours to get to her. We both use msn messenger and hotmail also. I imagine it has to with priorities when there are alot of messages being sent. Our "free" hotmail account aren't high priority like the paid ones. So if mail is being sent at the same time, our mail would get queued I imagine. I don't know the exact reason, but I know its happened to me a number of times. Sometimes she didn't get them at all.

[codaaurora]

KEEFY I know that we already went over this this weekend, but just remember what I told you, she is giving you visuals, she is discussing things that she never would discuss before and admitting that she is unhappy presently, she is pointing out songs to you and checking her email faithfully, these are all very good signs! Just remember to keep it light, like you've been doing and DON'T bring up the relationship or it's past, that's done, now it's time to start it NEW!

 

BLUE How did your weekend go? Fill us in.

 

VHS How bad were you this weekend.

 

For me personally, I have cut contact with the ex and sent him an email explaining why. He tried to argue how it was my fault, but I ignored that which I'm emmensly proud of. Let him stew for a little while. He pushed me three times this past week for help in talking to/getting new dates with girls, even though I have told him repeatedly not to bring this topic up, he still did, so I told him until he can respect me enough to knock that off, I won't be speaking with him. He said fine and then later tried argueing a completely inane point. Let's see how long he can go without ME!

[keefy1972]

Thanks for reminding me of all of the positives coda. Today, at work, she came over to deliver some things and I saw her. She was waiting for a supervisor to come over and when I first saw her, she was standing off at a distance of about 100 feet away. She seemed to be watching me, and when I looked at her she smiled. It melted my heart, as her smile always does, so I smiled back. Just then a supervisor showed up and escorted her off to where we needed these supplies. I wasn't in a postion to walk off and speak to her and she knew this. She wasn't either really, seeing how she was pushing this huge cart that contained our supplies. I figured that when she put them up she would come over and say hello. Well about 15 minutes later I look around and see her walking off. She never came over and said hello. I was a little saddened by it but understood she was working and not really in a position to come up to me and make conversation. About an hour later I went on break and went to my phone and saw that she had actually sent me a text message. It said, "Sorry I couldn't make it over to you to say hello. Hope you are having a good day". This made me feel good, so I replied with, "I understand. You ARE working afterall. It was nice seeing you though". That is the latest, other than what me and you have discussed already. That smile of hers gets me daydreaming every time.

 

Anything new with you??

[codaaurora]

Nope, just maintaining, getting by and trying to to wonder when or if he will ever contact me again. I'm not so upset about it as I would have thought I would be though. I love him and want to be with him, but not at the expense of my own self respect.

 

OH! I went to a movie and dinner last night with a guy friend of mine, he and I had such a good time! I had forgotten what it was like to be a PART of a conversation instead of just talking about what the other person is interested in and then dealing with them telling me "Ok, that's good" when trying to discuss something that I'm interested in. I realized that I'm witty!!! LOL

 

We went to see Amnityville Horror and I loved it!!! Scared me senseless!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Hey All,

 

I was busy all weekend moving. It was exhausting. After I got my bed and stuff set up, and sat down, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat down and got seriously depressed. I wanted to ball my eyes out. I haven't cried in a couple months. I got in the car and drove 160KM/H home so I could be alone with my thoughts. By the time I got home, it wasn't so bad. I was still depressed but was better. I've been wanthing to call her all night last night. She was moving too, and I wanted to inquire on how her move was, but she knew I was moving this weekend too, and didn't call and ask me, so I'm not going to express interest in her life if she has none in mine.

 

I had to call her twice this weekend, as I found some of her stuff while cleaning, and I found a letter from the Ministry of Transportation (I opened it cuz I suspected it was important, and she has given me permission todo so). Of course it was important, her license expired the 18th of april. The first call we talked on her way to work on her cell, usually she talks for a min, and says she has to let me go cuz its long distance, and she can't afford the bill, but this time we talked for about 20 mins. Nothing serious, just made her laugh and pretended to be happy. She said I looked really good the other day when I saw her, except my pants, she doesn't like. I said I needed to go shopping, and she said that I still owe her a shopping trip for her b-day. I also mentioned somewhere in the conversation about going camping a bunch of times this summer, and she said, I hope so!!! Wonder what that means?

 

The second time I called about her license, she was taking her cousin (childhood best friend) to the bar for her belated 19th b-day. I said to say hi to her cousin for me, so she asked if I wanted to talk to her, so I talked to her cousin for a couple mins (joked around and stuff). When talking to the ex again, she said she was going to hold it (ruining her night for telling her license was expired, just joking) against me, and I said, oh yeah, physically? She said, No, you sick-o. So I don't know what to think about that. Other than that, the conversation went really well, made her laugh quite a bit. She emailed me when she got home I'm guessing, it was at 2:40 and the bars close at 2am in Ontario. It was just a forward, and it was cute. No personal message attached. I responded in the moring, with a small cute message back.

[codaaurora]

BLUE

 

I think that it's great you two were able to have good communication this weekend, but BLUE, I must warn you. You are already reading into stuff and trying to act with her the way you would once you had healed. I'm giving you warning from someone who's been exactly where you are right now, stop. Stop right this minute. You are in no way, shape, or form prepared or ready to start this up with her again.

 

You need to take some time to yourself. Listen BLUE, you know where her parents live, so you can get their address, mail her stuff there. They will let her know that she's got some stuff to pick up, so no reason to tell her. You need to go NC right now Blue, even if its for a very short period of time. You need to do this now, at the beginning, trust me. If you dont', it's just going to take longer and then you might never get her back.

 

Blue, you have not healed and this weekend is proof of that. You are living in a Limbo state, not fully accepting your not with her anymore but accepting it enough to be depressed this weekend. You are fooling yoursefl if you think that you are ready to start "flirting" with her again. I mean, sure, if she contacts you and catches you off guard then by all means, be happy and flirtatious (w/in limits) but otherwise, you need to stop contacting her for now.

 

Just trust me on this one ok?

[keefy1972]

Blue I have to agree with Coda here. It is way to early for you to be pretending anything. It's going to blow up in your face in a big way. I know from experience too. Do the no contact thing and stop making excuses to call her.

[codaaurora]

Okay, so I would just like to say that Keefy was right, K keeps contacting me. I thought after sending that email that would be the last I heard from him for a while or even forever. Keefy said no way. I wasn't so sure but had made up my mind that I was tired of the way I was letting K talk to me and treat me and made up my mind to no contact and told K why (so he would LEARN instead of just assuming).

 

But now K is finding reason's to write to me online or call my phone. I haven't been responding, just once or twice and both times it was "ok, thank you" and then dissappearing. I've NEVER done that to him before, that's the way he would treat me, not vice versa. But I'm doing it and do you know what? I feel good about it. I feel in CONTROL. It's scary yes, you're going to be scared of loosing the person that you don't want to loose, but you know what I've found out? You should be MORE scared of loosing yourself! And I was! But now, now I am in the driver's seat of my life and I haven't been this happy or content in YEARS!!!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Ex called an hour ago, I didn't answer it. She left a message. Went something like this:

 

"(cute opener regarding my answering machine message).... I just called to see how your move was going and to tell you who I ran into at school...... call me back if you want to, I don't have a phone # here yet, but you probably would call my cell anyways ........ I'll talk to you later, bye (i think she said bye sweety)"

 

The "...." 's represent 2-5 second pauses. Should I call her back? I'm curious now to who she ran into. I'm indifferent if I want to talk to her or not. I want to have a short conversation with her, but I don't want to call, and her not answer, and I don't want to have a conversation just to make her feel better if she called cuz she was missing me. She doesn't usually leave me a message, of course she barely ever misses me, I always have my cell on me.

 

Any thoughts? Should I return the call?

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Ok, I haven't called her back yet, I don't know if I should. She texted me at 7am this morning saying "I'm thinking about you". Which could mean 2 things. One she is thinking about me, obvious, and second, its code (how we say it) to say we're more than just "thinking" about you. Now I have 2 things to be curious about. I haven't texted her back yet either. I want to, but I don't know if I should.

[vhshowdown]

Hello guys, I am back from VEGAS! I had a really good weekend. I needed to get away from all the crap around here for awhile, and where better to do it than VEGAS BABY!! Had alot of fun, met some really great people, hit on a few women, met one in particular who lives there and is a bartender, got hit on by a few hookers, one of which was gorgeous and I was drunk ($400-$500), I dont think so, not that drunk. Had played a ton of cards!!!! The weather was great, got a good tan going now....

 

Right now the ex has called a few times, but I dont think I have any interest to call her back for awhile. Havent talked in over a week now. She called Sunday and left a message, and she called yesterday with no message. I dont plan on calling back. I am still on a high from VEGAS, I dont think I want to be brought down for awhile. I have things to do anyway to keep me busy for awhile, so you know...... Like i am buying a home this summer, so have alot of research to do, packing and throwing away crap, etc....

 

Now as far as you guys, I have been reading what is going on with you all right now. If you want to talk to your EXes, then by all means talk to them. But, dont make excuses to talk with them. Just be yourself, dont get into arguments with them, dont be used by them, etc... Stand your grounds, sure there is compromise there, but stand your ground, be strong, gain that confidence back in yourself, then hopefully the tables will turn and you wont be the chaser anymore....

 

What coda said is very true, 'you're going to be scared of loosing the person that you don't want to loose, but you know what I've found out? You should be MORE scared of loosing yourself!' That is where I have been the last few weeks. But not anymore. She is no longer the number 1 thing in my life, I am number 1 right now!! I feel good, I feel good that I dont need to talk with her.

[keefy1972]

Blue, I fear I may be too late, but if not, do this, wait to call her until tomorrow or the next day. Wait until you think she will probably not answer the phone and leave a message. Sound busy and keep it to 5 minutes max if she answers. Act as if you have an appointment or something and HAVE to go. If you get the voicemail say this, "Hey, its blue, Was calling to see what's up. So who did you run into?? Well, I gotta run, we'll talk later. See ya." Something to that effect. OK???