VHSshowdown...you are right my friend!!!

[keefy1972]

you laffin' at me coda??

[codaaurora]

No you dork!!! I was laughing at what crash said!

 

Anyway, you know I love you guys too much to ever do that to you.

 

I'm glad that you were able to get through talking to her this morning without going off the deep end and doing something foolish! I'm so proud of you! Your doing so good Keith! Keep it up okay hon? And remember, she might have had to go down there for her job, but she didn't have to talk to you any more than hello and she definitely didn't have to wear the diamonds. LOL OK?

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Glad to hear that you are in control of your emotions Coda, I wish I was at that point.

 

I'm sad today as usual. She called me yesterday when I was at work, I was busy and so she asked me to call her back. I called her back, but she was busy, and said she would talk to me later. Of course she didn't. Before I let her go, she asked a couple questions like how come I haven't been online, I just said I have been busy.

 

Today our insurance is due to be paid, but she hasn't paid me (didn't pay me last month either). I feel like I should get ahold of her to question her. If she isn't going to pay, then there is no reason I should be paying for her, if she isn't even going to tell me she can't pay, or thank me for paying it for her. She knows that I alone will pay more for my insurance, then paying for the both of ours together. I have to arrange to get my tv from her parents place on thursday night too.

 

I feel like she just called me cuz she missed me, and she got ahold of me, and now thats that. She feels better, even tho the conversation was only a minute long.

 

Any thoughts on the insurance, should I contact her, or leave it until tomorrow when I am going to have to contact her to get my tv back anyways? Should I just cancel her insurance, since I have told her every month since december that she doesn't even thank me for paying her insurance, or even tell me that she can't?

 

I just want her to miss me, but its apprent that she does not!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Well she just called me, to help her fix her computer. She seems to be doing really well . I feel sick to my stomach after talking to her. It was a very casual conversation like distant friends. I know thats the way it should be, but its very sad.

 

I think I can tell what her answer would be if I asked her what she wants from me, from that conversation.

 

I know I am not ready for a friendship with her, but do yous think a friendship is a trap if you want your ex back? I heard of the friendship trap before, like if we become friends, that is all we will ever be.

 

BTW, I forgot to ask her about the tv, but she brought up the insurance, stating that I should just cancel it because she isn't willing to pay for it if she doesn't have a car. Since I seem to be unwilling to fix it for her, as she puts it.

[vhshowdown]

Blue, man I feel your pain dude! You really need to quit talking to her for awhile. If not you will not start to feel any better. Its gonna take some time to get your life and mind together. You need to get all the info you can on that insurance. You need to know all your options available to you, with or without her on it. Your TV, yes, you need to get it from her. Let this be the last contact you will have with her for awhile..

 

Now, remember this, even keefy said this before, I have been there, you can NOT expect to get her back, or anyone else for that matter like this!! The only way you can improve your life is to go with absolute no contact from her for a month or however long it will take. Sure you will have setbacks, but each week eventually gets better, you think about her less and less, you take your life back!! I did this last year, and I was miserable for awhile, plus i stopped drinking, so i was really a mess, but a month or so later, the sun started to shine again. It usually does!!

 

You have to do it, remember love is not a race. If you guys are meant to be, it will happen again. If it happened tomorrow for you, you would not be ready..... think of it that way!!

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

I don't think I can do it without telling her. I feel like I need to tell her how I feel, I've been writing stuff down since got off the phone with her.

 

Let me know if you think its an absolute no-no. I was planning on saying it when I go and get my tv.

 

Here it is:

 

I understand that all you want to be is just friends. I want to be able to be friends, but right now I can't handle that. I will always be expecting more. Expecting you to want to see me, and can't wait to see me again just like you use to. Expecting you to want me to show you what I am now made of, to make you the happiest, most excited person in the world. Expecting you to treat me better like you did. I don't know when and if we can ever be friends, but only time will tell. When I talk to you, it brings up emotions that I shouldn't be having just as friends, or without those feeling being reciprocated. We are living far apart now, but with a little effort I know that wouldn't matter. I know I messed up, if I had only given you the time you wanted when you requested it, we would probably be back together, making each other the happiest people in the world. You have changed me in so many ways I can't even begin to describe. I have changed, but a little to late. You never realise what you had until its too late. I made so many wrong, selfish decisions, I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for that. I know it wasn't all my fault, but I don't forgive you either, nor do you ask for forgiveness. I don't know how I can feel the way I do about you after the things you have put me through, but I do. I guess I am thinking with my heart, and not my mind. Until I can forgive myself, completely move on, and not expect an "I love you", "I miss you" or a "I want to see you", then unfortunately I have healing todo. You have competely moved on, now it is time for me to.

 

One day we will meet again, in life, or after life.

You were my first real true love, I love you, and I will never forget you.

[codaaurora]

BLUE

 

If you absolutely have to say something to her, then this is your safest bet...

 

I understand that all you want to be is just friends. I want to be able to be friends, but right now I can't handle that.

 

While what you wrote is beautiful and from the heart, it is also a blatant plead to hear your heart and respond. You're giving her one more chance to change her mind by reminding her of your happy past and how happy the future could be. She already knows all of this Blue. You saying it isn't going to change a darn thing. She is playing you and she knows it, we know it and you know it.

 

 

BTW, I forgot to ask her about the tv, but she brought up the insurance, stating that I should just cancel it because she isn't willing to pay for it if she doesn't have a car. Since I seem to be unwilling to fix it for her, as she puts it.

 

This statement here.... that is just plain childish. It's the same thing that my ex does to me, plays the card of guilt. They know better than anyone which buttons to push to get what they want. What we need to do is stop reacting to it. If you can't do this, then NC will help you get to that point.

 

You will have low days and high days. It will be hard. But that's what we are here for. Please stop talking to her after getting the TV Blue. You can get Insurance that won't cost you as much money as the Drama you are getting out of the present situation. Go to Progressive to get a quote for several different companies.

 

Please do this BLUE, for your own sanity.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

I don't know if I have to say anything to her. I feel like I should, like its the right thing todo. I know I wouldn't like it if she were to do what I am about to do to her, if she even cares anymore. But when we talked last night, she asked me if I wanted to talk again sometime and she was asking my best friend about me the night before on messenger. I think what I am about to do is going to mess up any feelings she has for me left if there are any. If we do become friends, then we'll have to start all over again, which may be a good thing. Maybee then she will be willing to see the change in me. As long as things haven't gotten really serious with her new bf. So far they haven't gone all the way, and I don't think I would want her back if she did. That may not be the right attitude, but I dont' want someone that leaves me, goes sleeps with someone else, then wants me back. Thats just wrong to me, and is unacceptable. I think that is what bothers me the most. Doing this NC, and coming back to find out she has slept with him now. She hasn't yet while keeping contact with me, but I am not saying that will last. I know I will feel horrible later on if I find out she has.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

2 more things:

 

1. I will probably be getting my tv tomorrow, she sent me a message saying she should be around tomorrow. When and If I manage to get it tomorrow night, I imagine she will ask me to do something. Like take her out for ice cream. I know the answer should be NO, I have to get home. But I can't help but feel like that is what the old me would say, thus proving to her I haven't changed.

 

2. NC is another thing that I am caught up in. The old me would have done just that. I can't help but feel like it will show her that I haven't changed. An example would be, in a fight, I would never appologize, I was very subborn. She would be the first to break the berrier of silence and appologize. She would always be the first to break it, so I feel like the NC is just showing her I am being the exact same way I was. Stubborn/Selfish!

 

Make that 3 things...

Me not calling her, is also just like old me.

 

These thoughts make me wonder if I am doing the right thing!

[codaaurora]

UPDATE

 

So the ex called yesterday for help with his tires/rim, I went to meet him at the place and found that they were closing, so he made some phone calls and decided on SEARS and we drove up to Brea to get that done. I was paying for it on my credit card and he wrote me post dated check (as he didn't have the cash right now to pay for it). We got there and they wouldn't let me pay before hand so we were stuck with each other for two hours, walking around the Brea Mall. He kept brining up they guys I'm seeing, especially one of them and even asked if I bug him about looking at rings (I used to bug my ex all the time to go and look at rings, but we were engaged for gosh sakes) and I told him no, that I didn't and dropped it. He kept asking me questions about my friend Jason, making comments about him being stupid and how much he hates him pretty much all night long, even during dinner. I finally told him I was going to eat and he could come along if he wanted so we went to California Pizza Kitchen. They first part of the meal was great, we had fun, but then towards the end he kept trying to ask for my advice on dating and I kept telling him no. That I didn't feel comforatable doing that right now as I still had feelings for him and can we please change the subject. I had to ask him that 5 times!! He finally got pissed and said that I was being mean and vindictive for not helping him and I just wanted to see him fail. I said to believe whatever he wanted about me. Then he said that after tonight we were done, no more visiting or hanging out, blah blah blah. So I said "K, look at me, you are looking at someone that doesn't have a problem with that." So then he started hemming and hawing and changing his tone and then trying to threaten me again with not being friends anymore. I said fine. Finally we made it out of there and on the way back to SEARS I told him that back when we were breaking up, he didn't want to hear or discuss our future and I respected that, that it's now a two way street and he needs to respect me and what I don't want to hear. He was quiet for a long time. After I had paid and inspected the car, he came up and said thank you for helping me, I appreciate it.

 

So, even though it did not go well, even though we argued, I'm not upset about it. If that harmed anything, well then, that's just the way it is. Either way, now all things important are done and I am going back into NC with him. I just am through with the drama and apparently he's not.

[codaaurora]

BLUE

 

I know that what you say is probably true, however, keeping in touch with her is not allowing you to heal and you can't be with anyone, not even her, if you're not healed.

 

Tell her that you need to take some time to yourself, that you're sorry for any pain that you had caused in the past, for neglecting her and that you aren't saying that you are neglecting her again now, but that for your own sanity, you need to take some time to just be alone.

 

If she doesn't understand that, if it makes her resentful, then you didn't want her anyway BLUE. However, you never know about love, it might make her push away from you....yes this is true, but that doesn't mean that things won't change in the future.

 

Also, the "being with someone else" thing. I know that this bother's you, but you need to keep in mind that you are no longer with her. Would you have held it against her if she had been with other people before ever going out with you? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't. There is no reason to be that way now. She's not yours anymore right now. She's free to do what she wants. You need to recognize that. You also need to recognize that the same goes for you hon.

 

This is the reason why you need NC, you need time and space to think about what you want out of life, love and your own future.

[keefy1972]

Ok, first off, Blue dude you have GOT to stop doing this to yourself man. You are still, even though it is over, acting as this woman's puppet. She is using you like nobody's business and you are letting her do it. Do you want her to want you for who you are or what you can do for her? Seems, right now, that she only wants you to do things for her. Absolutely the no contact thing is right. It doesn't seem right to you because you dont want to do it. Life sucks man, you will only keep getting what you are getting if you keep doing what you're doing. You HAVE NOT done no contact with her. Each day that you let pass without kicking no contact mode into full effect is another day of your life gone without you having any control over your feelings for her. This is the ONLY way to regain that. Quit trying to convince yourself that you will make her mad at you for this. That is B.S. Who cares, this is for you man, not her.

 

She shouldnt be asking you to do things for her or anything because of the way the situation is. Her doing so, as I assume she knows your feelings, she is being a total beeeotch!! She is being completely uncaring of your feelings and totally unfair. If that is ok with you, by all means, keep doing this to yourself. When you get ready to get your feet back under you, evict this woman from your life. Temporarily at least. YOU HAVE TO!! Do you enjoy being played like a fiddle or are you ready to take control and change that?? You have to make the decision buddy.

[keefy1972]

Coda, I am happy to hear of your indifference. That's awesome. Great progress.

 

Now, as for me, I have been doing some thinking and am a bit depressed. Of course I havent thought much of the positives over the last few days. We have spoken on the phone twice, on messenger, and I have seen her twice. I am only thinking of the fact that even though she has the choice of where she works (when she has to do those four hours a week) she chooses to do them at a place other than where I am. Maybe I am being silly or whatever, but if she wanted to see me then I know she would come over to where I am. Oh well, that's her choice. It's also her choice as to whether or not she is going to commit to the old dude. I can't control what she thinks and does. I am just tired, for now, of looking for signs of encouragement or hope. Why do I need to do that? I am a good looking guy, with no kids, never married, intelligent, witty, and very fun to be around. If I were a total drone with no hope of finding someone else, that would be one thing, but to sit and pine for someone is just plain stupid!!

 

I give her, on a day-to-day basis, much more credit than she deserves. She hasn't done one single thing in a long time to earn this kind of attention from me. What does she do? Replies to my emails?>? Answers the phone when I call? Wears earrings I had given her when she knew she would see me? Biiiiiiiiiig Deal!!! I am not mad or frustrated as much as I am just tired. Tired of being made to feel unimportant by someone that I consider to be one of the most important people in my life. Reality sucks and life isnt fair sometimes, but it goes on. I can continue to be mired in this muck, or I can man up and face reality. She has no idea how grateful she SHOULD be that a guy like me is so into her. She isnt grateful, and actually, me thinks she doesnt feel she does deserve me, but that is me trying to rationalize her insanity. As I said before, it's her loss. I am not going to email, text, or call her again. Any interactions we do will have to be at work. If she does like last time and emails me first, she will be in for a shock because I have blocked her email address. Not because I am mad, just because I am tired of this!!

[codaaurora]

Keefy hon, I can't believe that you blocked her from your email!!!

 

Not saying that you should or shouldn't have, I just never expected that from you. But it shows that you are beginning to be stronger in your convictions and that is a good thing.

 

You know, things change so frequently for us and we just need to realize that it's going to take time for us to feel better. We're still going to have our ups and downs.

 

Like this morning I was happy, I felt great, but then this afternoon I saw something from the past and it hit me, that was when K and I were together and we're not anymore. We went to that together and had so much fun...has it really been that long? That made me sad and miss him all over again.

 

See? Life is ever changing and we change with it.

[codaaurora]

UPDATE

 

Okay, so yesterday I posted on myspace about my "break" up with J. It just basically went over how I felt, how it was sad and all but that I am tired of caving in to what other people want and won't do it anymore.

 

So last night, around 7pm, I got a phone call from the ex. He immediately asked me if I was ok. I said yeah, I'm alright, and he said are you sure? I said yes, I think so. He then asked what I was doing and I said that I was reading and that resting after working out. He asked about our pets and I discussed with him a problem I was having with one of the girls and he gave me some good advice there. Then he said that he better let me go and I said ok and goodnight, he said the same and we hung up.

 

The entire time we were talking, he had this sweet, tender tone to his voice. You know, I figured he would read that post but I thought he would be happy (as I told you that he doesn't like J) and that I wouldn't hear from him. I wonder why he called? What do you think?

 

How is everyone else?

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Its possible he was just genuinely concerned about you. Its also possible he was looking for an "IN", if you were upset and needed consoling.

 

I'm pretty nervous about today, as I have to go get my tv from my ex's tonight on my way home to my parents. I told her yesterday I would call after lunch to give her an idea when I would be through.

 

I went on messenger last night, she started talking to me. Everything started out fine, we made small chit/chat, then a friend I have been talking to alot recently informed me that her ex killed himself on Monday, and she is devistated. He has been trying to get her back for a while now, and I have been convincing her she needs time to think about it (he cheated on her 3 times). I told my ex about it, and she was totally being an insensitive Beootch about it. So I wasn't really saying much, because she was being insensitive. So she gets mad at everything I say, because I'm a little upset that she is being that way. It horrible that he killed himself, and she has to deal with the guilt of thinking he did it because she just told him she wouldn't take him back. So after a little she asks if I have found any of her stuff while packing for my move. I haven't been home to find anything yet, and she knows it. I said that I thought she didn't care about that anymore. She says, well I don't but your getting your tv back, and I won't have anything of yours left anymore I was speechless, I didn't say anything for 2 minutes. Then just as I was about to say something, she went offline. I felt like calling her and making sure everythign was ok, or texting her. I was busy consoling my friend, which she didn't know, its not like I was ignoring her. I resisted the urge to call her and tell her that. Haven't talked since.

 

Does what she said mean anything, and what should I do if she asks me to go for diner or ice cream, or a movie on my way through to get my tv?

[vhshowdown]

Hey guys, what up today?? Not much here to tell. H. called yesterday, and I missed the call actually, and she didnt leave a message. I never called back, didnt feel like it to tell you the truth!! "If you're uninterested in what your partner has to say, that's a sure sign that the relationship is in serious trouble."

 

Getting ready for Vegas TOMORROW!! Already been seeing stuff on TV about the new opening of Wynn Las Vegas, I am psyched!!!

 

Coda, now I have been out of the loop for a little while, who the hell is J?? LOL You gotta another dude on the side or what?? Sounds like things are getting a little quieter for you now, glad to hear that!

 

Blue, you hanging in there bro? Things feeling any better for ya? Get your tv back??

 

Keefy, just hang in there dude, what is it you always tell me, oh ya, BE PATIENT!!! things will work out just fine, just be patient!!

[codaaurora]

Its possible he was just genuinely concerned about you. Its also possible he was looking for an "IN", if you were upset and needed consoling.

 

Thanks for that BLUE. I'm sure that he was concerned for me, but I wonder if it's just friendship concern or "I still have feelings for this girl" concern. I guess I just wont' know right now. Maybe never. But it made me miss him very badly last night. THAT was the K I know and love.

 

She says, well I don't but your getting your tv back, and I won't have anything of yours left anymore

 

About this one. GOD I hate to say this, I mean it's really going to hurt me as a woman, but this statement was a Gambit. She was jealous that you were taking time away from her to help a now single girl. No matter how bad the other girls issues, she is still the other girl and YOUR girl got jealous. So she made a play to get your attention and it worked. Ever heard of the term Feminine Wiles?

 

She played you're emotions like a violin, however (!) you did not respond like a well tuned instrument and for that you should pat yourself on the back! You didn't jump right in there and ask her what that meant, you didn't call her just to finish the conversation, you held your ground.

 

Now, taking in tonight, I know what you said about how you would put off doing things with her and take her for granted so if she asked tonight and you said no it would show that you hadn't changed, right? Okay, but now the situation is different and she knows it just as well as you or I. If she says anything tonight, it's not being fair to you and she knows that too. I'd be pretty darn mad actually. Do you actually think she doesn't know how you feel about her? I mean, it's not like you haven't TOLD her or anything right???? Probably, like the rest of us, numerous times...yes? So, is she stupid or just forgetful? She's neither and you and I both know it! She is having her cake and eating it too. Whatever euphanism you want to use here is appropriate. This does not make her a bad person (although the more I hear about this little manipulator the less I like her, but to each his/her own), it just makes her human.

 

Blue, hon, when you go to pick up your TV you need to have several different scenarios open and ready in your head. That way you are not surprised.

 

1) You go to pick it up and she doesn't say anything about you and she going out and it's all just chit chat. Keep it light, keep a smile on your face, seem upbeat and happy. Don't give out any personal information. Just keep it light and fun, then say you have to run, but that it was really nice talking to and seeing her. You can either give her a hug or not, depending on how you feel but DO NOT reach in for a kiss!!

 

2) You go to pick it up and she does ask about going to hang out somewhere, anywhere. You say, in your own words..."You know (insert name here) how much I would really like to spend time with you but I just don't think it would be right for me to do that right now." If she asks why or what does that mean you say, again in your own words..."You know how much I care for you and right now I just need to heal before I can be your friend." Do NOT use the words "get over you" as this will cause her to go on the defensive and probably pick a fight.

 

3) You go to pick it up and she is a major BEEOTCH. You say, again in your own words....."You know, I'm really sorry you feel this way and I'll just get my tv and let you have some space. I hope you have a better day though." and if she keeps witching at you or saying mean things or following you around (which we women have a habit of doing) just keep your mouth shut, don't give any dirty looks, get your tv and leave. Stick to that one sentance or vary it but keep the theme.

 

If there are any other scenario's you can think of, bring them to my attention and I'll give you an answer on how to handle them. But whatever you do Blue, you need to decide within your self that you are WORTH taking some time away to heal. That you DESERVE to heal. That you don't owe her ANYTHING anymore. OK? You don't. Your relationship is done, the minute it ended, anything that you used to do for her, with her is no longer a part of the deal and she can't guilt you into it.

[keefy1972]

Howdy my friends, I feel much better today! Not from anything that happened other than diving in to the wonderful healing world of music. I sat down and made myself a cd of my favorite feel good songs and it was pretty therapuetic for me. Try it and maybe it will work for you too when you are feeling down. This is my list of songs:

 

"Sitting, waiting, wishing" Jack Johnson

"Follow me" Breaking Benjamin

"No Surprise" Theory of a Deaman

"When I'm Gone (Sadie)" No Address

"Better Now" Collective Soul

"Holiday" Green Day

"Be Yourself" Audioslave

"Down in Flames" Three Doors Down

"Bring me to Life" Evanessance

"Still Frame" Trapt

"The Nookie" Limp Bizkit

"Running Away" Hoobastank

 

I know that everyone doesnt share the same tastes musically, but no matter what your list is, it will make you feel better.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Coda,

 

She knows that I am not interested in this other girl at all.

 

Does that change what you said? cuz I don't think it was a jelously thing about the other girl. There are many reasons, but I've made it crystal clear that we are only friends, and she would LHAO if she thought I was.

[codaaurora]

Nope, doesn't change a thing. It's a territorial thing. Women get it too. Even if we do not want something right now, we MIGHT want it later and it USED to be ours so HANDS OFF!!!

 

Plus, if she still has feelings for you, you giving your attention to anyone or anything other than her is going to cause her to react that way too.

 

OR, if she is just a possesive person, or a manipulator, she will resent not getting the attention that she things she deserves.

 

It could be any of those things, a combonation of them or none of them, but I strongly suggest the first one. ALL women are like that, in their darkest heart, where some with not admit it.

[keefy1972]

Coda, I have a question for you...when L and I had our chance encounter on Tuesday morning, she said something to me, out of nowhere, and I need to hear that it is a good thing. We were standing there making idle chit-chat and she said, "Oh I forgot to tell you yesterday, but you smelled really good too". I had told her Monday that she smelled great because she was wearing my favorite perfume. I just thought it was strange that she said that out of nowhere. I made nothing out of the comment, just said I was surprised she could smell it because I didnt think it was to strong, but said thanks for the compliment.

 

When I was talking to her on Monday and told her she smelled very good, why wouldnt she have just responded to that by saying you do too and letting that be that? Unless, of course, she went home and relived our encounter and thought about it quite a bit. Just weird, I know I overanalyze, but I want to believe that this is a good thing.

[codaaurora]

Keefy hon, it is a good thing. It means that you flustered her enough with the compliment that she couldn't immediately respond in kind. She then went home and thought about it. Thought about your comment, pictured you in her mind and then the senses became aware that you had smelled great too (even though she knew it at the time).

 

That sort of comment is not just something that comes out of the blue, like "Oh, I need to compliment him back, think of something quick". It's something that she thought about. This means that you are in her thoughts in a good way. That she is associating good things with you. That she finds you attractive, even if it's by smell only. So yes, it's a very good thing!

 

Now you tell me what you think of him checking myspace blog, seeing that Jas and I are no longer seeing each other and then calling me last night to see if I was ok and asking me about it twice. Sounding sweet and concerned. Is that something that just a "ex turned friend" would do? Is it a good thing? From a guys perspective.....

[codaaurora]

VHS

 

I had been seeing this guy named Jason for about 2 and a half months but it's always been understood that I wasn't ready for a physical/serious relationship and he pushed me about it on Tuesday and I didn't back down. I'm tired of caving. Anyway, I told him maybe we shouldn't see each other or a while and he got very upset and said that maybe we shouldn't see each other at all. I said ok, I'm sorry you feel that way and we hung up. He has since called my phone but I'm not answering. I sent him an email this morning telling him that I'm not ready to talk to him right now and will call him next week.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

Oh boy,

 

Just called the ex to arrange to get my tv back. Was only a short conversation. We joked a little bit, pretended like nothing happened last night. I asked if 6:30 was ok for me to get my tv. She said she should be around, to call her when I get close. I asked if her parents are going to be there (at her parents place of course), and they are. I don't want to see them, her dad is a P-RICK, and supposedly neither want her seeing me. I'm so hurt by her parents who I thought loved me, I don't wanna face them, now or ever! She said she would put the tv by the door so I wouldn't have to come in to get it. I thanked her for that, told her I was affraid they would say something to me, and I would go off the deep end! My GOD this is hard. I just want to hide, and not have to deal with this anymore. Her voice is so beatiful sounding, and she seems so happy without me. But I keep telling myself, I'm done with the lies, I'm done with the crap she is willingly piling ontop of me. NO RESPECT! I know its hard to respect someone who has graveled, begged and pleaded for months and months. My heart is pounding, I'm not looking forward to this... Only a couple more hours to go !