Hermes Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I beg your pardon, Toxic. I most certainly did NOT criticize your sexual preferences or lack thereof. YOU said "it's BORING", not me. You said you find sex "boring". Don't ask questions if you don't want any answers. You find sex boring but he wants sex (your words) 24/7. Six times a day is not 24/7, but never mind that. And yes, sex is an important part of ANY relationship. Link to comment
toxicsunflower Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 It sounds like if you can work out the sexual part it would help. How is the rest of the relationship? For example, do you want to have kids? a future together? etc? Aside from our sexual differences we have a very strong relationship. We are open to the idea of kids within the next couple years however we are not ready financially right this moment. We absolutely want to have a future together, we have been through so much and it would be absolutely ridiculous if we broke up over sex drives.... We have a few bumps here and there but all relationships do. 95% of the time we are happy and in love. We are very accepting of each other we are just both bad at expressing our feelings with words and sometimes we need to see someone else say it for us to realize. He is reading these with me and he didn't even realize that he thought the way he did and now that we both understand each others point of view I'm sure things will begin to get better. Link to comment
rosephase Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I do not appreciate the disrespect of criticizing my sexuality preferences. My boyfriend and I do not base our entire relationship off sex, it was just something I wanted to know if his sex drive was normal, i learned it is. I wanted to understand how my boyfriend feels, a kind man explained it to me in a respectful manner and now I understand. Many people who have responded to this have been negative and telling me to just give up on the relationship because we aren't sexually compatible... I'm not going to just give up on a 2 year relationship because I don't enjoy sex, my boyfriend and I have talked about this personally and we have both agreed that sex is not going to make or break our relationship. I just wanted to understand his side and have a simple question answered. Both were done now there is no reason to continue with the negative comments. Please don't hate on me because I'm not sexually intrigued and don't want to have intercourse with my boyfriend 24/7. So with my sex drive I could not have an asexual partner and be faithful. I'm not saying your relationship is doomed... but it sure has a long hard road ahead of it. And I would be worried that your boyfriend hasn't though through what having an asexual partner really means. Have you considered getting a couples therapist that looks into sexual relationships? I think most people are warning you of a big difficult to deal with truth. Sex is VERY important in relationships. Both partners need to feel somewhat fulfilled. Right now neither of you are. And it doesn't look like there is a fix for that. You are asexual and don't seem interested in investigating that. He has a high sex drive and it's not going anywhere any time soon. That is a HUGE relationship issue. And signing up for a life time commitment with a sexually incompatible partner is asking for a lot of hurt and work. It sounds like you both are on board with this arrangement but to make it work you are going to need to put a lot more effort in then in a more traditional relationship. Would you be willing to let him have sex outside your relationship? Are you willing to fully investigate your own sex drive? You've picked an extremely hard road. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Agree with every word, Rosephase. Link to comment
toxicsunflower Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 I beg your pardon, Toxic. I most certainly did NOT criticize your sexual preferences or lack thereof. YOU said "it's BORING", not me. You said you find sex "boring". Don't ask questions if you don't want any answers. You find sex boring but he wants sex (your words) 24/7. Six times a day is not 24/7, but never mind that. And yes, sex is an important part of ANY relationship. 1. Sex may be important but it is not the center of our relationship. 2. I was implying that whenever we are together he wants to have sex, which in my eyes is 24/7 since it's the only time I see him. I'm sorry if u disagree 3. Yes I did say sex was boring, however just because I have an unpopular outlook on sex does not mean I should not try to be happy in a relationship and that I should live with a brother.... 4. I was asking for advice to help understand my boyfriends point of view, not for everyone to tell me to just give up on him and not even try. I'm sorry if I was unclear in any of that but those were my intentions and I'm sorry if you don't understand... Link to comment
toxicsunflower Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 So with my sex drive I could not have an asexual partner and be faithful. I'm not saying your relationship is doomed... but it sure has a long hard road ahead of it. And I would be worried that your boyfriend hasn't though through what having an asexual partner really means. Have you considered getting a couples therapist that looks into sexual relationships? I think most people are warning you of a big difficult to deal with truth. Sex is VERY important in relationships. Both partners need to feel somewhat fulfilled. Right now neither of you are. And it doesn't look like there is a fix for that. You are asexual and don't seem interested in investigating that. He has a high sex drive and it's not going anywhere any time soon. That is a HUGE relationship issue. And signing up for a life time commitment with a sexually incompatible partner is asking for a lot of hurt and work. It sounds like you both are on board with this arrangement but to make it work you are going to need to put a lot more effort in then in a more traditional relationship. Would you be willing to let him have sex outside your relationship? Are you willing to fully investigate your own sex drive? You've picked an extremely hard road. I feel as though everyone misunderstood what I meant. I don't identify as asexual because I do enjoy sexual acts... But only very rarely. And most the time I would prefer to not have sex, however that doesn't mean I don't have sex. Yes I admit sometimes I don't like the sex, and my boyfriend and I have very good communication we just struggle to understand each others views sometimes. We are discussing this as I chat in this forum and we are learning things we didn't understand before. I thank everyone for helping me realize where my boyfriend and I stand, but I disagree with our relationship falling apart because of sex, we have a strong relationship and base it off of our compassion and love for each other. Not our willingness to have sex. I got exactly what I wanted from posting this, and that was to understand my boyfriends point of view, and he understands mine a little better as well. I believe we will work through this and become even more strong in the end instead of just giving up because it might not work...(: Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oh, I understand you all right Toxic. But again, you only want to hear what you want to hear. Good luck anyhow with this "relationship". Link to comment
toxicsunflower Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Oh, I understand you all right Toxic. But again, you only want to hear what you want to hear. Good luck anyhow with this "relationship". Thank you(: I'm sure we will only grow to become more strong and conquer the obstacles we encounter Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 I feel as though everyone misunderstood what I meant. I don't identify as asexual because I do enjoy sexual acts... But only very rarely. And most the time I would prefer to not have sex, however that doesn't mean I don't have sex. ...( "I would just rather not. I physically just don't get aroused and don't enjoy it... I'd rather spend my time doing something else. I have never been a sexual person it doesn't intrigue me, I have no interest in it I just find it boring. " I get the sense you are frustrated with the feedback received but as you can see by your own words you are contradicting yourself some. You also mention your bf is reading along. Maybe consider coming back when you can reveal more without censoring yourself. Good luck to both of you. Link to comment
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