The next steps in the healing process

[Butterflyxx]

I have two issues I would like assistance on addressing in regards to my breakup a week ago.

1. I miss him because I was so comfortable with him. He was a massive part of my life for 4 years and it's so weird that he's gone.

I spent 2 of those years in a relationship with him. No, i wasn't happy 100% but I just got used to it all. I was comfortable only seeing him once a week. I got comfortable with him seeing his mates 4 times a week and ignoring my texts. I got used to his kisses, his hugs and I knew him better than anybody.I think I value and miss those simple things as they were the main components of the relationship, and because the rest of the time id usually get put last as he was out with his friends, these simple things such as getting a good morning message, phone calls and kisses meant the WORLD to me.

It's the familiarity I miss. He was familiar and it's such a weird feeling that he's gone.

It feels like a massive part of myself is lost, and when I'm with him i feel complete.

I understand he wasn't the best, and he was interested in other girls when he was with me, liking their photos and even had a crush on this one girl who he never spoke to before.

I know all of this yet I miss the familiarity.

I got into a routine when we were together and the routine has broken and I feel lost.

I keep forgetting the bad times.

The only good times we had together were when we'd go on walks, lay in bed talking to each other, him asking how my day was, kissing, talking on the phone for hours.

I've always been a sentimental person, for example when I was 12 I had a MASSIVE crush on this guy and once we went out on a bike ride and for about a year after that I would cry whenever I wore the top that I went on the bike ride... I sound so pathetic saying that.

Just some insight into my personality.

Im so attached to my ex and the thought of him or myself with anyone else makes me cringe.

Are these feelings normal?

 

2. We've been in NC for a week. I miss him and I really have the urge to talk to him.

Also, as soon as we broke up he kept saying 'please block me on all social media sites' and I asked why and he said that it'd kill him to see me move on. Due to me being upset, after I blocked him I ended up ringing him and asking for him back and he kept repeating that he couldn't talk and wanted to go. Why was he so persistent in blocking me and not talking as soon as we broke up?

[rich46]

Are these feelings normal?

Absolutely normal. Read around these forums. Totally natural, unfortunately.

 

Why was he so persistent in blocking me and not talking as soon as we broke up?

Whatever the reason, he is completely correct - the sooner you both implement no contact post-break up (and stick to it 100%), the sooner you will emerge the other side. Also know that the more you go against his very clear wish to have NC, the less chance you will have of any future reconcilliation, but more importantly, the worse you will feel and the longer it will take to recover.

 

Cold turkey from now on, and it is one of the toughest things you will go through in life, but you are far from being the only one to experience it, and the pain will begin to diminish as time goes on.

[Hermes]

Familiarity, even toxic and pathological familiarity, can be "missed". The analogy is the dog and the fleas.

The fleas annoy the dog when he has them, and he misses them when he hasn't got fleas.

 

As Rich says you will just have to look forwards and not back.

 

"getting a good morning message, phone calls and kisses meant the WORLD to me."

 

 

Not enough, NOT enough, mere breadcrumbs.

 

You could get any friend, even an acquaintance to do that.

[Butterflyxx]

Familiarity, even toxic and pathological familiarity, can be "missed". The analogy is the dog and the fleas.

The fleas annoy the dog when he has them, and he misses them when he hasn't got fleas.

 

As Rich says you will just have to look forwards and not back.

 

"getting a good morning message, phone calls and kisses meant the WORLD to me."

 

 

Not enough, NOT enough, mere breadcrumbs.

 

You could get any friend, even an acquaintance to do that.

I completely agree. The issue is, how do I move forward? And why he so persist to block me straight after we broke up?

[Hermes]

"I ended up ringing him and asking for him back and he kept repeating that he couldn't talk and wanted to go."

 

Of course he took the right course and blocked you.

 

Anyhow what does that matter now?

 

What matters now is doing what so many posters on here have had to do. Get on with life without descending into a pit of depression and despair. Is anyone worth despairing over? No!

 

How YOU go about it depends on you. We can't tell you how. Therapy helps, activity helps, exercise, sport, travel, taking up some new interest or doing something, going somewhere you could not do or go before.

[rich46]

how do I move forward?

You do everything that has been repeated thousands of times on this forum, e.g. work on yourself, keep busy, meet friends, make new ones, hobbies, exercise, set goals, get out of your comfort zone, travel, change your apartment, hair style, new clothes, meditate, whatever.

 

And why he so persist to block me straight after we broke up?

Irrelevant.

[Wiseman2]

Breakups are hard and going no contact and blocking is the best way for both of you to accept it's over and heal and move on. Do not contact him, it will only be a setback.

We've been in NC for a week. I ended up ringing him and asking for him back and he kept repeating that he couldn't talk and wanted to go. Why was he so persistent in blocking me and not talking as soon as we broke up?