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Constant bad arguments with boyfriend


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Hi, I usually don't post in these but I thought it would be easier for me to get advice from people that I do not know.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now, I am 18 and he is 20. At first we were a long distance relationship, he lived in Manchester and I lived in London... until I got a new job a few months ago which meant we couldn't see each other that much so he decided to move in to my house, I say house but it was a bungalow with my mum and stepdad. It was really small and my stepdad is the moany type so we decided to get a flat together just 2 months after my 18th birthday. I didn't necessarily want to start paying bills at the age of 18 but I was really excited to start a new chapter in my life.


However, things started going downhill in our relationship. When we were long distant we had hardly any problems, only the fact that we couldn't see each other for as much as we wanted too (we mainly saw each other every 3 weeks and we would stay with each other for 1-2 weeks). We never really had much problems at my mums either.


Recently he just left his job but he works from home doing marketing/trading, so that means he is home all the time. When I do a full 8 hour shift which I am constantly on my feet for he expects me to clean straight away when I get home, even though he says he can't do everything which am I wrong in saying that he should? He always says that people come home from 8 hour shifts and still clean, but I thought it would be different if their other half was at home and able to be generous enough to do MOST of the cleaning.


Anyway, I suffer from depression so I find it hard to not be argumentative about things. Our arguments have been really bad lately. When we argue and it gets a little deep, he will say things like "I don't love you anymore", "I'm cheating on you", "I am speaking to another girl" ect. which when the argument is over he proves that he just said it because he was angry, which I have trust in him however it stays in the back of my mind and it makes me trust him a little less and I get very insecure about what he may be doing on his phone. It doesn't help that some times it can get a bit abusive, he will constantly push me and hit me which I hit him back too he says that he does it because he wants me to leave him alone, there was one time he choked me and headbutted me too.


I feel bad because I know I am to blame for the cause of these arguments, and some times I don't think before I say things either... I can't remember the last time he caused an argument. He will also say things that hurt too; "you're not even smart you got an F in english" which I didn't but I was pretty much bummed about my GCSE results and he defiantly knew that. He tends to use things that know will hurt me, he'll go tell me to slit and the only reason he's with me is because he thinks I'm going to slit (due to my depression I used to cut myself but I haven't in a very long time). Also, I went on his phone and asked him a few questions about some things on his phone and he went absolutely mental. Annoying part is, is that his phone was broke for months so he had to use mine and when he got his fixed he didn't tell me his passcode straight away or anything, and even though his phone was fixed he still had the cheek to go on my phone as well!


I mean, I'm only still young and I know I'll probably get the answer saying "you should definitely leave him" but I ain't the angel in the relationship either if I'm the one constantly causing the arguments. I want to try and change myself to be less argumentative and try to make this relationship work because I can't imagine my life with anybody else, because I know my actions will make a massive difference to his and it'll make our relationship so much better. When we are fine I forget about everything and I couldn't love him any less, it's always the good times that make you forget about the bad times which is why I don't want to let go of him and work it out properly.


I can't speak to my mum or anyone else about it because I don't want them to have hate for him, when he isn't a bad person when we are not arguing. Bearing in mind he would never do anything horrible unless I cause an argument (unintentionally), he is absolutely perfect when we are not arguing which is why I need advice!


Sorry if this was too long to read, but would be really great if you could help! Thank you

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Sorry this happened to you. Do not tolerate this. Tell your parents asap. Then move out asap. Move back home for now and save up for a nice flat with a nice roommate.


Save living together for when you really know a guy first. Arguments happen but abuse is his choice not your fault.

It doesn't help that some times it can get a bit abusive, he will constantly push me and hit me which there was one time he choked me and headbutted me too
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You need to tell your parents as soon as you can and move back in with them and get rid of this person. So what if you have arguments? They do not need to turn violent and there is no excuse for it. He is the one at fault here, not you. He is NOT perfect; he hits you, is mean to you, says nasty things, says hurtful things and abuses you mentally and physically. This is not a loving, caring relationship and you should not be in it. Send him packing back to London and get home as soon as possible. No matter what, your parents will always love you and welcome you home X

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You're in an abusive relationship, luv and you should call the number in the link below that is in your area and talk to the folks on the hotline. They will give you guidance and advice on how to get out of your situation and they will set you up with a therapist of your own to help you get back the self-esteem this twit has stripped you of.


I've caused arguments before (we all have at one time or another) and my husband of 39 years now has NEVER struck me. You need some professional help to guide you out of your depression and away from this guy. He's rubbish and you need to bin him.


The help line in UK: UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.


The link you should read:




Do something to get yourself unaddicted to him. He's not a good partner and certainly you wouldn't want to have children with someone like him. Bringing children into a life of witnessing their father hit their mother or their mother hit their father for that matter is child abuse in itself. Don't let that happen.

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